


The Last Cycle

by WyvernInTheNight



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2019-10-14 18:12:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 63,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17513450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WyvernInTheNight/pseuds/WyvernInTheNight
Summary: Rose Nyx doesn't remember anything. She doesn't remember what her actual name is or where she's from. All she knows is that she has to figure out her past before it catches up to her.





	1. Chapter 1: A Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fan fiction, so thank you so much taking the time to read it and for your patience. I also have this same story posted on fanfiction website. I'm always open to talk and geek out over our shared interests and my inbox is always open :)

**CHAPTER 1: A Stranger**

The light was so bright, all I could see were spots dancing in front of me. Was I becoming blind? No, of course not. Then obviously everything would be dark, not this bright. Though if this continued, I would become blind. All I could see was white light so bright, I wouldn’t have even been able to see my hand if it was waving right in front of my face. None of my senses were working now that I thought about it. I couldn’t feel anything, my sense of smell was blank, my mouth had no taste, and I couldn’t hear anything either. I stood there, or sat, blinking several times. I wasn’t sure if minutes passed, or hours, but the first sense that returned was my smell. The salt in the air was strong, like I was right by the ocean. I heard it too, the waves crashing. But it wasn’t loud, so I was either farther from the coast or the waves weren’t that strong. I tried opening my eyes, maybe my sight had returned too. The ocean was right in font of me, I was standing on the beach facing the water. It was beautiful to say the least.

I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I swung around and took a quick step back. Standing before me was a very tall man, oozing power and brutality. His dark hair was shoulder length, and standing massive behind his shoulders were dark, onyx wings. His eyes were hazel and held such ferocity in them that I was taken aback to be the receiver. He looked like someone who was built out of the very elements of the earth and given life. I took another step back and felt the icy cold ocean water sweep over my bare feet. That was when I noticed what he was wearing. It looked like a warriors uniform. Tightly fitting to his body, I could see all his muscles and the several weapons that hung from his calf, thigh, and waist. He had stones, rubies, embedded into his uniform. What their purpose was beyond me. Maybe he liked the decoration, though I doubted it.

“Who are you?” his deep voice vibrated through me. I took a third and final step back.  
I opened my mouth to tell him my name, but stopped. What was my name? I looked down to think, I couldn’t forget my own name, I had one. Everyone had one. I looked back up at him and shook my head.  
“I don’t know.”  
Confusion rippled through his rough hewn face.  
“What?” He took a step forward, but I wasn’t going to yield any more steps back. “Listen, what is your name?”  
I started to panic, my hands felt freezing cold and my feet was numb from the water. My heart was beating so fast, I was sure he could hear it. I think he knew I was alarmed because he raised his arms and faced his palms at me, trying to calm me down.  
“I don’t know my name!” The stranger took another step forward. “I don’t know where I am!” He crossed the space between us and I looked at him, my eyes wide. “Who are you?” He raised his hand and next thing I knew, everything was dark.

I woke to a cold, dark room with a small lamp in the corner which was the only source of light. Beneath me was a hard bench with some blankets to make it a bit softer. I stood up slowly and stretched my legs out and my arms above my head. The room was empty except for a toilet in the far right corner, a chair next to the the lamp, the bench I was laying on, and a door across from the bench. I swallowed and found my throat was dry and itchy. There was s glass of water on the stand next to the lamp but I wasn’t going to risk anything. I didn’t know where I was or who that man was.

That man! He attacked me! Just as I was remembering what happened, the door opened and the same man from earlier entered. In the small room, he towered over me and took up almost half the space. He crossed over to me in two large strides and stared down at me. I wasn’t going to back down. Sure, I didn’t know who I was, where I was, who that man was, or what he wanted with me. But I’d be damned before I showed any more signs of weakness.

He signaled to the bench behind me.  
“Sit. I need to talk to you.” I stood my ground. He attacked me and kidnapped me and now he was going to order me around? I don’t think so. Crossing my arms across my chest, I stared back up at him. I felt like a little girl, I came to his chest, max. Maybe if I stood on my tippy toes, I could come to his shoulders but that was a stretch. I lifted my chin stubbornly.  
“No.” I glared at him as menacingly as I could. “I demand to know where I am and who you are.”  
He smiled at me but there was no warmth in that smile. “You demand?” That smile turned lethal. “You’re in no position to be making any demands.”  
Damn! He was right and I was starting to get a bit scared. I dropped the stubborn act and sat down as he said. If this was the situation I was in, I would play whatever game he wanted. Maybe then I would have a chance of making out of this, whatever this was, alive.  
He glanced at the cup of water on the stand next to me, “Drink! It’s just water.” I didn’t respond, that wasn’t important.  
“Listen, I’m telling you. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what my name is, and I most definitely do not know where I am.” I gripped the edge of the bench as hard as I could.  
“Please let me go!” I pleaded. He stood before me with his arms crossed over his chest, watching me like he was reading a book. His gaze never wavered from my face and I was squirming under it.  
“Tell me what you remember then.” He grabbed the chair, placed is directly in front of me and sat down, his eyes watching me like I was the prey the entire time. I felt like a child, sitting to await their punishment for doing something wrong. But I had one thing going for me, I was telling the truth. As long as I told them the truth, I had nothing to fear.  
I took a deep breath before starting. “I remember a bright white light. That was all I could see.” I knew I was talking fast, but I was nervous, and I wanted him to know I was telling the truth. “I couldn’t see, hear, or feel anything. Then I could hear the ocean and finally my vision came back and I was looking at the ocean when you cleared your throat and I turned to you.”  
He was getting annoyed, I could tell.  
“I’m telling the truth I promise! I don’t remember anything!”  
“Do you know where you are?”  
“In a room?” He cocked an eyebrow. No smart assery then. “I don’t. I genuinely do not know where I am. I am telling you, I don’t remember anything!”  
“Do you remember how you got here at least?”  
I stared at him hopelessly. I didn’t remember anything about myself.

It continued like this for a while, it felt like a few hours but I had no way to be sure. The stranger left after realizing I really had nothing else to offer. Though I told him everything I knew, I was sure he’d come back and I wouldn’t be leaving this room anytime soon. But hopefully he’d talk to whoever was in charge and I could leave. I didn’t like it here. I don’t know how long I was waiting but I started to get tired and fell asleep.

All I could hear was metal crashing into each other. People were crying out and screaming. I could hear… horses? Some animal, they sounded like they were dying and scared. Something was running towards me, I couldn’t tell what it was but it was getting closer faster and faster. It was about to crash into me—

I jolted awake. A wave of nausea swept over me so hard, I barely had time to make it to the toilet before I threw up. The cold sweat was causing my hair to stick to my forehead and neck. My hands felt clammy and my legs weak. After I threw up, I moved to sit next to the toilet when I noticed something moving in the far shadows.  
“Who’s there?” I called out into the shadows. Sure, if there was a murder, they would respond ‘Hey, it’s just me don’t worry about it!’  
A tall figure stepped forward. This one was different from the stranger from before. He was wearing a similar suit as the other but instead of rubies, this one had blue stones. Clearly they stood for something, not just decoration.  
“Is something the matter?” He glided to me so swiftly, I realized I was still next to the toilet with my back up against the wall. The man before had a rough and intimidating, but warm voice. This one was cold, icy. It felt like the dripping of the inky night.  
I shook my head. This was it, this was the person who would end my life. Something glinting in the dark caught my eye. It was a blade, a thin long blade, in the man’s hand. I started trembling, the vomiting and the lack of eating took its toll, not to mention the man with a knife in his hand. I closed my eyes. I would not let my fear show through anymore than I already had. I counted to ten, if he wanted to kill me before that, there was nothing I could do. After I finished counting, I let out a long breath and slowly stood up.  
“I don’t know what you want, but I told the other guy everything I knew.” He just stared at me, cold and hard. I knew this wasn’t going to be pleasant. If his cold icy glare didn’t give it away, the shadow tendrils dancing around his body sure did.

I don’t know how many days had passed but I found myself in front of another stranger. The first two men from before were standing on either side of him. I was tired. I didn’t know what else I had to offer them.  
“So, you don’t know what your name is and you don’t know where you are. What do you know?” His deep voice was soft, elegant, and graceful. So similar, yet so different from the other two. He had a small smirk playing on his lips and he looked beautiful beyond belief.  
“Honestly, I can only remember from that day at the beach when he found me.” I indicated to the stranger with the red stones.  
“Hmm.” His voice was so soft I wasn’t even sure I heard he made a sound.  
“Wha—“ A pain so sharp, so painful rang through my head. I screamed out, clutching my head. It felt like my head was imploding and I was trying to hold it all in together with my hands. I didn’t think I could hold the pain any longer, but thankfully I sunk into oblivion.

I was lying on the floor of the same damn room. I don’t think I was ever going to leave this room. The same three men from before were there, though the one I was talking to was crouched above me. He offered my hand, and helped me up back onto the bench.  
“What did you do to me? How long was I out?” I whispered. It was the most amount of pain I had ever experienced in my life. Whatever limited memories I had of it.  
“Two minutes, barely. You’re telling the truth.” He looked at me like I had three heads growing out of my body.  
“I know!” I raised my voice and looked at all of them. “I’ve been telling you this for a while now. But you’re all too thick to listen.”  
The stranger with the red stones opened his mouth to say something and took a step forward but the stranger, the beautiful one, held his hand up and he stopped.  
“You have to understand, we don’t know who you are. You don’t even know who you are. You could be someone intending to attack us.” I couldn’t stay upset. They were right, I was a complete stranger to them and for all they knew I was here to attack them. Maybe this one was more reasonable.  
“I understand but please think of it from my point of view.” He had to understand, he had to let me go. “I don’t know who I am, I am in a strange city. Three strange men who apparently have made their life mission to torture me have essentially kidnapped me and held me hostage.”  
He chuckled, the other two behind him stood like statues. Though I could’ve sworn I saw the red stone guy’s lips twitch.  
“No. I know what you’re thinking and no.”  
“Please! I can’t live like this. This isn’t fair to me. You’ve condemned me without even knowing anything about me or me having done anything.” He sighed. I felt a bit of hope rising in me.  
“Let me leave this hell— room.” I corrected myself. “Have someone keep an eye on me. But I am not going to be able to remember or find out who I am sitting in this room like a duck.”  
“Ducks don’t just sit around doing nothing.” The warrior stranger smirked. I ignored him, letting him rise me up won’t get me out of here.  
“Please.” That was all I had left in me, I didn’t know what else to do. My mystery was a danger to them, I understood that but I couldn’t continue like this and stay sane.

“Fine, but there are rules.” I smiled, my heart beating faster every second. I could see my freedom, I was close I just needed to keep it together for a little while.  
“We’re going to meet every week so I can get an update on your… situation.” He nodded to the one with icy cold demeanor, “If you step one toe out of line, we’ll know. And it won’t be good.”  
“Okay, I promise, every week.” I smiled.  
“My name is Rhysand.” He smiled and extended his hand for me to shake. All of that made absolutely no sense to me but I was about to be let go from this hole. For all I cared, he could’ve told me his name was blah.  
“Hi.” I smiled back at him, careful to not show my excitement too much. Though I figured he already knew seeing as he could read my mind.  
The stranger with the blue stones walked over to me.  
“Azriel.” He didn’t extend his hand for me to shake or smile. I didn’t care, I smiled at him anyway and extended my own hand to him. I didn’t care that he was icy and brandished a knife in my face. I was about to be free and that was all that mattered to me.  
“Hi!” He looked at me hand and at my face, trying to read me and finally, after what seemed like five minutes, shook my hand. His hand was covered in scar tissue. It looked like his hand had been mauled and ripped, burned then healed. From how he carried himself, it didn’t seem to hurt him, and I was about to be free. That was all that was going through my mind. I looked up at him and smiled once more before looking to the last stranger. The warrior with the red stones.  
Rhysand and Azriel left the room, so I assumed the third one was who would let me out of here. I walked over to him lot more confidently than I had felt when I first met him  
“Hi.” I said extending my arm for the third time.  
“I’m Cassian.” He shook my hand and I was surprised to find it warm and unsurprisingly, strong. “Just so you know, I still don’t trust you and if I had it my way, you wouldn’t leave this room until we knew everything about you.”  
He turned on his heels without another word and walked out the door. I took it as my order to follow him. I caught up to him in the hallway and managed to keep his pace which was quite fast. Inconsiderate prick. Inconsiderate prick who was about to take me out to my freedom.  
“So, are you going to show me around?” I asked casually.  
“No, I’m going to drop you off where I found you. Navigate yourself around.” He grinned at me wolfishly. Fine, if this was how he wanted to be, two can play at that game.  
“Fine, drop me off the roof of a building for all I care. As long as I never have to see you again.”  
“My pleasure.”

“You prick!” I shouted. That bastard! He literally dropped me on the rooftop of the building next a river along the city paths. After we left the building, he picked me up and flew me over the city. I couldn’t breathe the entire time we were flying, the city was the most beautiful, inviting, loving thing I’ve ever seen. I was enjoying the flying, it was exhilarating. Until the bastard, Cassian, dropped me on the roof top of a cream colored building and flew away laughing.


	2. Chapter 2: The Baker’s Rose

It had been six days since I was free. Six days since that bastard, Cassian, dropped me of an a roof. I stood there for hours trying to catch the attention of anyone who walked by. Finally a woman, who looked to be in her forties looked up at my screaming ‘Hey’. She was carrying a basket of flowers, dots of pinks, blues, whites, yellows, and oranges swirled up to me. She smiled at me, “Are you okay?”

“No! I’m stuck up here. Can you please help me get down?” She has to be able to help me. Cassian couldn’t have dropped me off on top of a building from which I had no way of getting down. I leaned over the building side and looked down at the woman helplessly. She smiled and held her hand up signaling me to wait. She walked into the building I was stuck on top of and a few minutes later, a trap door behind me opened up.

“Hi.” She had a pretty smile. Her brown eyes crinkled against her slightly tan skin and her shoulder blade length hair was swaying in the wind. “Do you want to come down?”

“Oh god, yes!” I hurried over to her as fast as I could move. She led me down the stairs, we passed by a loft that looked like a giant room with a kitchen in one corner and a door, possibly the bathroom, in the other. The entire side of the room facing the river was open. There was no walls. There were three pillars probably to support the building but other than that it was open. There was a slight breeze coming in and it was a beautiful room. After the loft, we went down one more flight of stairs and I found myself in a bakery. There was no one in there, I guessed it was closed.

“This is a beautiful bakery.” I walked around the room where the customers enters.

“Thank you. Are you okay? How’d you manage to get up on the roof like that?” She smiled at me but her face turned quizzical.

“It’s a long story, but someone left me stranded on the roof as way to torment me.” I whispered under my breath, ‘prick’. She chuckled, I’m glad someone could find the humor in my situation.

“I’m Mira, I’m the owner of this bakery. What’s your name honey?” This. I couldn’t exactly tell her I didn’t have a name. I didn’t want to explain my entire situation to her, so I said the first name that came into my head.

“Rose.” She glanced at her basket of flowers. “I go by Rosie.” It didn’t matter if it was suspicious. Now that I said it out loud, I liked the name Rosie.

“Okay… Rosie. Do you have a last name?” Damn! I forgot that most people had last names. I walked around the room, glancing out of the windows pretending I didn’t hear. I just needed time to think actually. It was getting darker outside and soon it wold be night.

“Nyx.” I turned and smiled at her. “My name is Rosie Nyx.” She raised her eyebrows and nodded at me.

“Okay, Rosie Nyx. What’re you doing here?”

I wasn’t listening to her. It was getting dark outside and soon it would be night. I had no where to go and no where to call my own. That didn’t sit well with me.

“Mira!” I shouted with excitement, startling her. Running over to her side of the counter, I placed an arm on her shoulder, not so gently.

“Mira, I don’t have any where to go, I don’t have a home. I don’t have a job so I can’t exactly call a place my own.” She had her mouth slightly opened and was staring at me like she was starting to question my sanity. “Can I work in your bakery? Please? I’ll work for boarding. I could live up in there, in the loft we passed by.”

She glanced up at the ceiling at the mention of the loft and looked back down at me hesitantly.

“Uh— I don’t know. We just met, I don’t know who you are. That room—“

“It’s empty right? If it’s alright I’ll work for you and I’ll pay rent once I have enough saved up.”

I still don’t understand what she saw in me or how she trusted in me to do this, but she nodded. Albeit reluctantly. I must’ve been truly pathetic and hopeless for her to agree to let a stranger she found stranded on her roof live in her bakery.

“Come child, you can stay in that room.” She led me up the stairs into the empty loft and gave me five blankets and a pillow. “Work starts sharply at seven in the morning.”

 

That’s how I found myself six days later, working at the bakery in the middle of the day. My job included taking down people’s orders for large orders or working at the checkout counter.

“Next!” I called out. I had just handed a sweet old lady a lavender cream cake slice and a mug of hot chocolate.

I put away the money she gave me and looked up to find Cassian. He had a smirk on his face that was cocky and had my heart beating faster, not necessarily in a good way. I ignored him; I was not going to give him the satisfaction of remembering when he dropped me on the roof in a new strange city.

“What can I do for you?” I asked politely, refusing to make eye contact with him. As annoyed as I was with him, he was still intimidating. He was taller than everyone in that entire bakery and he was easily taking up the entire room with his wings behind him. He’d had to tuck them in tight to his body to avoid knocking things over. Right, the wings. They should’ve shocked me, people didn’t normally have wings but after what I’ve seen the last few days, I realized wings weren’t all that strange. I’d seen people who had green scales walk in, people that looked normal like me, people with red hair that was fiery like the sun but skin as black as charcoal. Wherever I was, this was a diverse, safe haven for many people.

“I would like a slice of the rose butter cream cake, a slice of jasmine cookies, and a chocolate cake slice.” His voice startled me. I’d forgotten how deep it was. I’d been slowly getting used to this city and I’d overheard people talking about him and found out he’s quite popular with the women. I gathered his order and finally looked up at him.

“Anything else?” I wanted to keep this interaction as short as I needed to. I couldn’t avoid him when I had my weekly meeting with him, Rhysand, and Azriel. Don’t even get me started on what I’d heard about Rhysand and Azriel. Everyone in this city loved them and for all the world thought they were the best people to have graced the city.

“Yeah, meet me outside during your lunch break.” With that, he turned around and walked out without paying.

“Hey! You didn’t pay!” I called after him. Mira walked over to me, wiping her hands on her apron.

“Who didn’t pay?”

“That guy, Cassian.” I told her pointing him out.

“Oh! Him, don’t worry. Put it on his tab. Him and Rhysand’s inner circle all have tabs throughout the city so we can just put it on that.” She smiled at me warmly, and despite my irritation with Cassian, I smiled back at her. I was starting to really like Mira. She was kind, warm, and loving. I nodded and went back to my work.

 

At around noon, I got off for my lunch break. I went outside the bakery, crossed the street and walked overto the river that ran through the city, Velaris. There was a bench by the river bank, a small park. I sat there to eat my lunch and watch the city passby. There was music floating down to where I was siting from the street above. Beautiful violin and cello. My first day, I sat in front of them watching and listening to them play for hours. I was mesmerized by their fingers that moved so fast to create the beautiful music that almost moved me to tears. In the bakery, I listened to people talk and tried to gather as much as I could about this city. So far, I knew this city was called Velaris, it was a hidden city from the rest of the rest of the world and was part of the Night Court, for which Rhysand was their High Lord, Azriel their Spymaster, and Cassian a General Commander of their Army. Velaris was beautiful and I could tell everyone in Velaris admired their High Lord. He was a good man, or male I guess. He wasn’t a man exactly. None of them were. There were no humans in this land. Sometimes I wondered whether I was human or not. Right when I was about to bite into my croissant sandwich, a large body sat right next to me on the bench.

“I thought I asked you to meet me outside for lunch?” He looked at me intently as though trying to read me and figure out some plan I had to attack their city.

Mustering more confidence than I actually had, I took a bite of the croissant and waited until I finished chewing and swallowed. “I did meet you, didn’t I?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

He clicked his tongue impatiently. “I talked to Mira and you have the rest of the day off. You’re to come with me. It’s been a week.”

I remembered, how could I forget. I nodded and started to stand up, wrapping up my half eaten lunch. He put his arm out to stop me.

“You can eat your lunch first.” He had a half smile on his face. He looked less stressed than he did the last time I saw him. I imagine I must’ve been the source of his stress. As I sat back down, I glanced at him. He wasn’t a bad person, at least not from what I’d heard from other people. I could learn to play nice and not rock the boat. After all, I had no memories of who I am or how I ended up here. There’s no point in making enemies with the people who run this city when I’m merely a temporary guest here. I ate my croissant in silence, he was switching between watching me and enjoying the weather and the city.

“Rose Nyx.” I said with my mouth half full. Cassian raised an eyebrow at me. I finished chewing and turned fully to him.

“I couldn’t introduce myself to you last week, but my name is Rose Nyx, Rosie if you want.” He turned his body almost fully to me. Well as much as he could considering we were on a bench and his enormous wings were behind him.

“You remembered your name?”

I chuckled, “Oh no, I don’t remember anything. I gave myself that name. I figured I’d need to go by something so I chose that.” I smiled at him wanting him to realize I’m not a threat, just a girl trying to figure out who I am. Everyone goes through an identity crisis at some point, right?

He started to reciprocate the smile but stopped himself and nodded at me before turned back towards the city’s cobblestone pathways. I finished my croissant and juice, crumpled up the remains in the paper the sandwich was wrapped in and threw it away in a trash bin near the bench.

“Alright, Cassian. Ready.” He started walk towards me, arms outstretched. I took four steps back immediately, shaking my head.

“Oh no! I am not going to fly with you again. Not after last time!”

He looked at me unmovingly. “We can’t walk there.” That cocky grin again. “Well, you can’t.”

“No! I am not allowing you to fly me.” I crossed my arms.

“Don’t be a stubborn ass. Besides, not many people get the opportunity to be in my arms.” He winked and grinned wolfishly.

“I don’t see anyone lining up for the opportunity.” I widened my stance to emphasize my point that I was not going to budge on this.

He stepped towards me crossing distance in one measly step. “You’re wasting my time. You want to walk, little girl. Go right ahead.” With that he walked past me and set the pace for wherever he was taking us.

“I’m not a little girl.” I muttered, following him.

“Oh? How old are you actually?”

“I don’t know. But I do know I’m not a little girl.” Mira had told me she thought I looked to be in my early twenties.

“Well whatever you are, compared to a lot of people in Prythian, you’re a little girl.” He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes.

“I don’t care about how I am compared to the people of Prythian.” 

 

We had walked for about twenty minutes when we reached the top of the inclined street we were on and I had thoroughly lost my breath. I looked at the building to my right, a beautiful town house with vines of red, white, and purple bougainvillea growing over the archway and the walls of the house. It was a beautiful and welcoming house. I prayed to any and all gods that this was where we needed to go, I couldn’t walk another step.

“This isn’t where we’re going, smart ass.” His voice wobbled a bit, like he was trying not to laugh. I turned to him and he pointed up. As I followed his arm to see where he was pointing and I realized why he wanted to fly. There was a large mountain in front of us and there was a house carved into the mountain itself.

“That’s where we’re going. The House of Wind.”

I couldn’t look away from the mountain house, it looked beautiful. That is until I realized the only way to get in was the steps that were also carved into the mountain, there had to be thousands. I turned towards Cassian ready to beg him to fly us up there. I was not going to be able to walk up that mountain.

Cassian had his arms crossed, legs spread out slightly, and his eyebrow cocked. He knew, the bastard knew, and was waiting for me to beg him.

“Can you please fly us to the mountain house?” I mumbled looking down.

He raised his stupid hand to his dumb ear and turned his gigantic head as if trying to hear me better. “Huh? What was that? I don’t think I heard you properly.”

“You bastard.” I whispered underneath my breath. He was going to make me pay. “Can. You. Please. Fly. Us. To the mountain house?” I ground out.

“Yeah, alright since you begged me.” He released his arms and indicated me to come to him.

Regardless of who was carrying me, flying was flying. I loved it! I was surprised that I wasn’t scared of the height, it’s not like I’d ever flown before. I just enjoyed the view, the wind rushing past my head pushing my hair behind me like a cape.

 

“I’ve heard you’ve done a lot this past week, Rose.” Rhysand was sitting across from me on the table in the middle of the room. Cassian sat on his right and Azriel was on his left. It felt slightly like an interrogation and I was starting to feel self-conscious and started to fidget a lot.

“Uhm, yeah. I got a job at the bakery with Mira and she let me stay in the studio loft above. I’ve been exploring the city too trying to see if anything jogs my memory.” I shifted in my seat once more, crossing and uncrossing my legs.

“You’ve got more you want to say?” He knew, of course he knew. He could read my mind and until they all established I wasn’t a crazy murderer here to attack their city I doubt he would stop reading my mind.

“I found out that Velaris is a hidden city. No one else in… Prythian?” He nodded. “No one else in Prythian knows about it. That’s why its a mystery that I just showed up.”

None of them said anything and just watched me. The silence was making me more uncomfortable by the minute.

“Well, I have some good news, I didn’t crazy murder anyone.” I chuckled. They all just stared at me blankly. Clearly that wasn’t a good joke. Lord, what a moody bunch. The shadows that usually swirled around Azriel, tightened and grew closer to him. He wouldn’t stop staring at me, watching my every move.

“I’m only warning you because of what happened last time, but I am going to try to unlock your mind again.” Rhysand warned me. Before what he said really sunk into me, the sharp pain started again.

I clutched my head, it felt like my hair had burned off and someone was trying to pry my skull open with an axe. My mouth felt dry and my fingers and toes were restless. I couldn’t breathe and I hunched over trying to breath as much as I can but breathing hurt, the very thought of breathing hurt. I felt myself starting to faint again and just like that, it vanished.

Rhysand was sitting across me with sweat lining his forehead and his dark hair stuck to it. We were both breathing hard and I noticed Cassian had a hand on Rhysand’s shoulder. Azriel was watching us both like a hawk.

“What was that?” He gasped out.

“What was what? That really hurt, it felt like someone was trying to split my mind wide open with an axe.” I had a hard time breathing so that sentence took much longer than normal for me to say. Rhysand stood up and paced anxiously back and forth from the balcony to the dining table. Azriel was watching me entirely now and a few of his shadows were lurking by my ankles ready to strike should he need to. Cassian set down a glass of water in front of me, “Drink.” he ordered. I didn’t hesitate. I took the glass of water and practically inhaled it. He refilled the glass and set it back down in front of me. I drank five glasses before I was full and kept a sixth one next to me just in case.

 

“There’s a wall in your mind.”

“What? A wall?” Was he mental? A wall in my mind? He’d lost it. Him, the shadow, and the brute. They’d all lost whatever marbles they had to begin with. “It’s my _mind_. Not a room.”

“Your mind _is_ like a room. And when I get to the memory of you showing up on the beach, its fine. But when I try to pry further, I get burned out of your mind.”

“Like there’s someone or something in her mind preventing anyone to go further in?” Azriel murmured. Everyone looked at me.

“Don’t look at me. I didn’t place any walls or anything.”

“Cass, take her back. I’ll ask Amren to look into this.” He told Cassian and then turned towards me. “We’re going to meet again in one week’s time. Try to remember, something, anything. Try to break down that wall in your mind.”

“I don’t have a wall.” It didn’t matter whether I responded or not. As soon as he finished talking, Cassian scooped me up in his arms and flew out the balcony. I looked over his shoulder to see Azriel and Rhysand watching us fly away.

 

I looked at Cassian’s face. He was concentrated on the city ahead and was avoiding looking at me. Frustration lined every inch of his face and his mouth was set into a tight line.

I wanted to ask him, I didn’t know why it was important to me what he thought, but it was all the same.

“Do you think I’m a threat?” Once the words were out of my mouth, I realized how stupid I sounded. Of course he did, he’s the commander of the armies for the Night Court and I’m a girl with no recollection of her past at all threatening the safety of his people.

He looked at me and our faces were inches apart. I could feel his breath on my face for a fleeting moment before the wind pushed it away. He looked at me with… pity? I wasn’t sure, it was an emotion I couldn’t place my finger quite on.

“No, I don’t think you’re quite a threat. I’m not sure what you are. But I don’t think you’re going to crazy murder us all.” I didn’t miss him saying _what_ I am, not _who_ I am. “For what it’s worth, I think I can take you on pretty easily. I’ve seen your stance. You’ve got shit balance.”

I appreciated his effort to lighten the mood. He didn’t know me, he owed me nothing. But all the same, I think he knew this mystery was taking its toll on me. I took the liberty and rested my head on his shoulder. Cassian didn’t object so I stayed like that the rest of the flight and watched the city below me. This city was beautiful beyond words during the day, but at night, it was breathtaking. All the lights were twinkling below me and jasmine scented wind brushed past me.

Cass stopped at the roof he left me stranded on the last time. Though this time, I knew where the trap door was and kept it unlocked. I stepped out of his hold but didn’t make to walk away. I couldn’t look straight at him either. He was watching me with such ferocity, but this time there was no malice.

I walked to the edge of the rooftop and looked over at the city around us.

“Regardless of all the crap I’m dealing with, I thank my lucky stars every day that this was the city I showed up in.” Cassian walked over to my side and rested his arms on the rooftop edge. His entire body was powerful, muscled; there wasn’t an inch of him that wasn’t a warrior. Even in a relaxed state right now, I knew he could rip apart this building with half a thought. His wings were relaxed and spread out slightly behind us.

“The rest of Prythian isn’t so peaceful and welcoming. It’s ravaged with brutality and savagery.” Cassian grinned with feral mischief. “I can show you.”

I shuddered, “I think I’m okay here.” I took a step closer to him. “Let me figure out all this crap I’m knee deep in and then we’ll see about the rest of Prythian.”

“How’re you planning on figuring it out then?” I could’ve sworn his arm moved a bit closer to mine. I didn’t dare look at him though. Whatever little nerve I had right now would fly right out the window.

“Well, I’m walking around the city every day, every inch of this city, hoping something jogs my memory and reminds me of who I was before.”

“And who are you now Rosie?” That caught me off guard. I smiled at the city in front of me, I had a whole world in front of me to figure out who I am. No restrictions to tell me who I was, how I had to behave, what I had to say.

“I’m nobody.” I smiled at him, without restraint, and repeated myself. “I’m nobody, Cassian.” This close, all I could see were his eyes. The city was a blur all around me, irrelevant. I placed a hand gently on his arm and couldn’t help but notice the raw muscle and power beneath them. While still facing the city, we leaned in closer. His lips, soft and cool, were a hair’s breath away from mine. Just as his lips brushed so lightly against mine it could’ve easily been mistaken for a trip of the wind, a slight breeze brushed my hair into my face and I lifted my hand to wipe the hair off my face. That split second distraction was what I needed. What was I doing? I didn’t know who he was, I didn’t even know who I was. I took a step back reluctantly. That shook him out of his daze.

“I got to go, I’ll see you next week.” His deep voice was thick.“Can you get down to your loft?”

I nodded. I had no words to offer him.

“Right.” He gave me half smile, lifted his powerful wings, and flew away without another word.

“He has got to stop leaving me on rooftops and flying away.” I made my way down to my loft and bathed before sleep could carry me away.

 

_I was laying on the ground. No, a table or bench, somewhere. I could hear voices around me and a male voice screaming and crying. The screaming was coming from me. My chest was heavy as though held down by something. My legs… My legs were numb. I couldn’t feel them._

 

I woke up gasping, cold sweat caused my long hair to stick to my neck. My pillows were soaking wet. A wave of nausea hit me so strong, I ran to the toilet. I don’t know how long I sat there hurling my guts up, but I was throwing up long after my stomach had emptied itself. I sat back leaning against the wall looking out the open wall over the city. I had left the bathroom door open to let the breeze in. Whatever that dream was, I didn’t think it was merely just a dream. It had to be a piece of my past, something that I couldn’t remember but still haunted me to this day.

 


	3. Chapter 3: I’m Ready

A month passed by where each week concluded with a meeting with Azriel. Cassian didn’t show up after that initial meeting where we had almost kissed. I was disappointed at first but it was for the better. It didn’t matter to him who I was and besides, his reputation proceeded him. He was quite a flirt with the women in the city and was notorious for taking them to bed with him in the evenings. I didn’t plan on being one of those women. Azriel took me to the meetings with Rhysand and flew me back to my loft. Each of those meetings yielded no progress. They learned more about who I was now but nothing about who I was before and where I came from. I also found out Azriel had spies following my every move and reporting back to him but that wasn’t really much of a surprise. I was surprised however, when Rhysand asked me about my nightmares. I didn’t want to hide it from him and make them more suspicious of me. So I told Azriel and Cassian about my nightmares but that wasn’t very helpful either. I never saw any of the faces of the people around me. Rhysand decided that the weekly meetings weren’t useful and that Azriel would just keep an eye on me. I was free to build a life as I’d wished.

 

I’d spent the mornings to early evenings working at the bakery with Mira. It had quickly become my favorite part. I loved baking and found that I was quite good at it. Actually, Mira had me stationed at decorating more and more. And in the evenings after I finished working at the bakery, I walked around the city. That was how I found a beautiful garden near my loft. I found out who was in charge of taking care of the garden and asked if I could help take care of the garden. I had quite a green thumb and was very good at gardening. Rufoso, the head gardener, sometimes let me take extra plants and pots back to my loft. I now had a small garden growing in my studio loft and some plants on the roof, they were the ones that required more sunlight and more rainfall. I was starting to make this loft into my home. After saving up, I bought a bed and some light curtains. The breeze in Verlaris was magical, I didn’t want to stop that that from entering my loft so I got light weight chiffon curtains that would sway in the breeze. I lined the floor of the open wall with pots of indoor plants and my bed was placed a few feet next to the open wall. I built a routine and was starting to figure out what my interests and skills were.

 

This particular evening, I closed up the bakery to head for my daily exploration of the city. I was strolling along the cobblestoned pathways of the city when another body fell into step with me.

“Come on Rose, you’ve been avoiding me?” I’d know that deep voice anywhere. I know it’s pathetic but I couldn’t stop the thrill that ran down my spine when I heard his voice.

“Hi Cassian. How could I have been avoiding you? I’ve been in all the places I normally frequent.” I smiled up at him, sideways. “Can’t say the same about you though.”

“Ahh and you’d know all there is to know about where I’d frequent?” He was taunting me, as though I hadn’t seen him for an entire month. He’d come as close to kissing me and disappeared.

“I’d heard about you along the grape vine. I’ve found out some interesting things about you.” I wore a sly smile. “I’ve found out what those wings might indicatr.”

My forthrightness startled him but he recovered quickly enough. I wasn’t even paying attention to where we were walking. Just strolling through the city, enjoying the banter and the walk.

“You’ve been asking around about me?”

“Not intentionally no. Why? Did you get your hopes up?” I enjoyed this, the going back and forth.

“Oh no, I came by to help you out, Rose.” I liked the sound of my name on his lips. It made my heart beat a bit faster.

“Help me?” I looked at him quizzically. If there was any new development to my situation I wanted to know. “Help me how?”

“I know without me around, it gets a bit boring for you spending all that time pining for me. So I thought I’d help ease your stress.”

I couldn’t help the grin take over my face. He was fun, I enjoyed joking with him like this. True, I hadn’t seen him for a month but that didn’t matter. “Careful, Cassian, your head grows any larger, you won’t be able to fit in through any of these doors.”

I shoved my elbow lightly into his arm.

Cassian led me through the city, sometimes we’d banter back and forth, sometimes we kept quiet and enjoyed the city. He led me to a restaurant by the river. There at a table by the entrance, there were four people already sitting, seemingly waiting for us.

“Join us for dinner.” Cassian whispered in my ear, leading me gently to the table. Rhysand and Azriel I recognized but there were two other women at the table I’d never seen before. Towards the last few weeks, I’d grown a pleasant rapport with Azriel and Rhysand. I enjoyed Azriel’s quiet snark, and Rhysand’s quick wit.

“Hey Rhysand, hi Azriel.” I smiled and moved over to the two women. One was a blonde woman with a loving, welcoming face. She was smiling at me and stood up to greet me.

“It’s suchpleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you!” I didn’t know how to respond so I smiled and extended my arm. She waltzed right past my hand and clasped me in a warm hug. “I’m Morrigan, but please call me Mor.”

I smiled at her, she was warm and full of love and life. “I’m Rose! It’s nice to meet you too.”

She shoved Cassian out of the way and sat down in the seat next to where I was going to sit. Cassian had to shuffle his way over to the other side of the table next to the last stranger, grumbling about how she had stolen his seat.

I smiled at her and extended my hand towards her. She didn’t seem to be as heart warming as Mor so I didn’t go in for the hug.

“You’re not from our world.” Taken aback, I opened my mouth to retort back, when she grinned at me with such feral ferocity, I contemplated leaving. “It’s nice to have some company finally. Amren.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to say any more words. If what she said didn’t startle me, her eyes, a pool of liquid silver swirling up a storm, sure did. “Rose.”

I sat down, Rhysand on my left and Mor on my right.

“You could’ve waited for a few minutes before making this awkward, you know?” Mor told Amren. She bared her teeth back at Mor, not deigning to respond to her.

I couldn’t make myself look at Cassian, not after what Amren had said. I was hoping the food would arrive so there was something to distract us. As if right on cue, platter after platter of food was brought to the table. No one wasted any time digging in.

 

We ate, talked, and joked under the stars together. For whatever reason, I felt close to them, even Amren. After dinner, I was sure that I ate enough to last me for the next week.

Mor grasped my arm and looked around the table excitedly. “Anyone up for some dancing?”

I gaped at her, she was crazy if she thought I could dance after all that food. Before I could say anything, she hauled me out of my chair and had me walking down the street with her. I glanced around for the others, Rhysand, Azriel, and Cassian were behind us, the latter was watching me. I gave him a small smile and turned back around. Amren was on my left talking to Mor about some lady that was trying to gather everyone for dinner and how Rhysand was walking in to a trap. I knew the official business of the Night Court was out of my depth but it seemed like common sense that if someone was laying a trap, and you know it’s a trap, don’t fall into it.

 

We reached the bar that Mor led us to. There was dance music flowing out of the building to where we were. Amren and Mor led us inside.

“This bar has the best drinks, hands down.” Mor shouted over the music to me. “Do you want anything?”

I grinned and shook my head. I found out two weeks ago that the alcohol here affected me more than it did people around me.

Someone grabbed my arm gently and I turned around to find Cassian smiling down at me. He tilted his head to indicate for me to follow him. We walked into a booth and sat down.

“You don’t like to dance?” I asked him.

Cassian snorted, “No, I came for the drinks,” He lowered his head to my face level, “and the company.”

I don’t know why, that made me laugh. This man, possibly the strongest warrior I’ll ever meet was flirting with me.

“You’re hilarious! You just suck at dancing, don’t you?” I nudged him with my shoulder.

“I don’t know, why don’t we find out?”

Cassian led me to the dance floor. Surprisingly, he was a good dancer. As the night wore on, I drank more and more, and danced more and more. Dancing, talking, and just being with Cassian made me feel exhilarated. I didn’t want to find out what we were doing or where this was going. I just wanted to enjoy whatever we had going on, I had my whole life ahead of me.

 

After a few hours of dancing, I made my way outside for a breath. Cassian was dancing with Mor and Azriel, Amren had left for the night a long time ago, and Rhysand was no where to be found. If I were to say I was drunk, that would be an understatement. I came out to get some fresh air but I was sure I could smell some crepes in the air. Following the scent, I stumbled along the streets of Velaris.

 

Ahead of me, I saw two people talking quietly and quickly by the shadows of a closed up book store. They were sharing secrets, I wanted to know what they were talking about too! I loved secrets. I shushed myself and walked as gracefully as I could over to them.

“I’m heading over to Under the Mountain right now, Rhysand wanted us to —“ They stopped talking when they noticed me standing next to them. The man with short blond hair looked at me kindly, “Can I help you, Miss?”

“Huh?” I had to think of something quick! “No, no. I couldn’t help but overhear you say you were going to Under the Mountain with Rhysand.”

The other man, the shorter one, shifted to face me. “Yes. What of it?”

 _Stop slurring! Quick! Think of something!_ _I need to help Rhysand, he’s heading straight into a trap._ “Rhysand told me to meet you here. I’m to be joining him at Under the Mountain.”

They seemed very hesitant to believe me.

“He wanted me to help him with the distraction.” A shot in the dark. Dear god, let me not have said something stupid.

They looked at me a bit more to see if I would break. I didn’t, if I could pull through this, then I would be able to join them on their secret! The shorter one nodded, “Alright, sober up. You reek of drinks.”

“Oh no, I only had one drink. I was at the bar over there so I guess my clothes must be smelling of it.” The lies just rolled out of me. I wanted to stop Rhysand from going into a trap and these two pumpkin heads weren’t doing anything to stop him. They were going to join him on this.

“Fine, we’re heading out now. Let’s go. Ronan, grab her a sweater, she’ll freeze to death otherwise.”

I didn’t dare ask the shorter one’s name. I’ll find out when Ronan calls him. If I ask them for their names, it’ll be too suspicious.

 

Within the hour, the three of us were on the way to Under the Mountain. I still wasn’t entirely sure what Under the Mountain was. It was a two day trek of us going through shortcuts and camping the night before we finally made it to Under the Mountain. What I saw left my mouth hanging wide open. It was the most massive Mountain and at the base, there was a door way carved into it. Ronan and Curts, I soon found out the short guy’s name, led us inside and we made our way into the banquet hall.

 

“Alright, Nyx, go to your station. We’ll see you at the end of the mission.” Mission? Okay, buddy. My mission was to find Rhysand and warn him of this trap.

I made my way around trying not to attract too much attention to me. There were people wearing masks like it was a masquerade and there were people that weren’t. I think only a few people got the memo. Some handsy men tried to grab my arm and pull me to them, I had a faint idea what for. But I managed to wrench my arm away from them and found Rhysand standing in the other corner of the room. His attention was raptly on the lady in the center of the room, she had fiery red hair and ghostly pale skin.

 _Rhysand!_ I shouted mentally. He’d read my mind before, he might hear me now. At the very least, it was worth a shot. He turned to me instantly and surprise flitted his expression. Surprise, then livid anger. Oh shit. The gravity of the situation just hit me in the face, but that didn’t matter. If this entire banquet was a trap, then I had to warn him. I made my way over to him, weaving through groups of people talking to each other. If these were people from the rest of Prythian, then I was doubly lucky for having been in Velaris.

 

As soon as I reached Rhysand, he grabbed my hand and inconspicuously led us to the hallway just outside the banquet where it was a bit more private. There were a few people walking so Rhysand towered over me to make it look like we were busy with each other to notice their presence. After the people passed by, he grabbed my arm and led us into a small alcove in the wall.

“What,” He hissed, “do you think you are doing here?” Oh geez, I’ve never seen him look this angry. This was completely different from the High Lord I’ve known.

“Listen, I know you’re angry, but this banquet is a trap set by… well I don’t actually know who set it up. But its a trap, you shouldn’t be here.”

If he looked livid before, it was nothing compared to how he was looking at me now.

“You don’t know anything about this and you thought coming here was the right decision?” He eyes flashed, “You didn’t stop to think that I wouldn’t know what I’m doing? Who the hell do you think you are?”

I opened and closed my mouth several times, there was nothing I could say.

“You need to get out of here. Leave the way you came before you do something stupid or get stuck here.” I looked at him, eyes wide.

“I can’t.”

“What?” He looked positively murderous.

“Well, there are guards back there. Ronan and Curts snuck in with me, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to sneak back out.”

“Ronan and Curts are involved in this?” I shouldn’t have said their names, there’s no way to take it back now.

“It’s not their fault. I lied to them and made them help me.”

“You’re an outright idiot.” He ran his hands through his hair, distressed. I didn’t realize he cared so much about my safety. He turned back towards me, “I don’t. You’re a rabbit in a room full of pythons. You wouldn’t last thirty seconds.” Well, thanks for that assessment. “And you don’t even know how to shield your mind.” I understood now, Velaris. It was a secret city and I couldn’t protect myself against the people here.

“I won’t say anything about it. I promise. It’s not my place or secret to give away.” I promised.

He looked around to take a minute to think. “Stay by my side and do whatever I say.” I nodded. “No you don’t understand. Whatever I say. If you disobey, you’re not in trouble, you’re dead.”

I gulped, my mouth had become dry. The more I realized the situation I was in, the more I freaked out. What was my drunken idiot self thinking?

“Okay, I’ll stay by your side.”

 

Rhysand and I were both standing by the refreshments table, he was having the wine and I was drinking the juice. Fae alcohol affected pretty badly, as can be evident by my stupid actions in the last three days. Rhysand was concentrating and I didn’t want to disturb him. He clearly had a plan and my job was to stay out of his way as much as I could.

 

He turned to me, his eyes wide with… fear? I knew I fucked up but until now I wasn’t truly afraid but seeing the fear in his eyes set me off.

“What? What happened?”

“She poisoned our drinks. I’m losing my powers!” He held up his hand to stop me from talking, but I couldn’t talk. My heart started beating as fast as the drums that were playing in the background.

 _I’m wiping Velaris from everyone’s minds._ I heard Rhysand in my head. There were people here from the Night Court- The Court of Nightmares I learned.

 _Don’t. Please, not after everything I’m facing. I can’t lose more of my memories. I won’t tell anyone about it._ I pleaded with him, I needed him to understand. If we were going to be stuck here powerless, possibly die here, I couldn’t lose the little sense of identity I had.

_You’re not trained to protect your mind. There are people here who have been training for centuries to break into people’s minds and find out things about them, control them, kill them._

_You said you couldn’t get to my memories because there’s a wall protecting them right?_ I looked at him, I needed him to understand.

_Yes, but I erased Velaris, my home, from everyone’s minds here. I can’t risk you giving that up._

_No, try going into my mind now._ I took what he said about the wall literally. I imagined Velaris, my home, Cassian, the inner circle, Mira, my garden, everything in one puddle in my mind and literally built a wall around it with red bricks. Then reinforced it with steel.

 _That’s quite literally a wall._ His lips twitched.

 _Try it._ I challenged him, putting my glass of poisoned juice back on the table.

 _It worked!_ Surprise flitted his face. _It actually worked, I can’t get to it._ I could feel him shoving against the wall I just built _. We need to talk about this later, but for right now stay hidden behind me. I need to protect Velaris while I can._ I nodded and stayed in my position and looked around at the people. Amarantha, I learned her name, was giving a speech at the center of the banquet hall. There was an evil glint in her eye that had the hair on the back of my neck standing up.

 _I put a shield around the Court of Dreams and bound it to my friends. Is there anything you want to tell Cassian?_ It was a mercy. He knew that I had something developing between me and Cassian, but I couldn’t face him. He had been giving me the benefit of the doubt, but I know how this looked. The strange girl with no memories was at the banquet their enemy was throwing where their High Lord was poisoned and was having to come to terms with being captured. I knew how I appeared.

I shook my head no. _Wait, no. Tell him to tell Mira thank you. Thank you for everything she’s done and giving me a chance. I’ll cherish everything she’s given me._

He nodded his head.

Amarantha was calling Rhysand up to the center to her. I followed him but stayed hidden. He didn’t have any power left, everything he had, he had used to protect his family and home.

“Rhysand, how lovely to see you again.” she caressed his chin with her razor sharp finger nails. I was shorter than a lot of the Fae around me so I was watching from behind a tall man in red robes.

“Wish I could say the same, Amarantha.” Rhysand glared at her, rage, anger, disgust masking his entire expression.

Next thing I knew, I was being shoved aside, as a lot of the crowd was parting to let a file of people fall in. Someone grabbed me by my hair and shoved me into the line of people walking to the center, next to Rhysand.

“What are you doing?” Rhysand had a slight shake in his voice. If I caught it, I knew all the people in the room had heard it. The guards, giant monsters that looked like half beasts and half normal, had us lining up behind Rhysand, all of us facing Amarantha.

“Showing you what I can do.” She winked at him, I felt disgust pooling in the pit of my stomach. I was fourth to last in the line, to the right of Rhysand. He didn’t dare look back at any of us, his entire focus was on Amarantha.

One of the guards, a giant beast with leather like skin and giant claws for hands, handed her a sword. It was as long as I was tall but she held it with ease, as thought it was as light as a butter knife. She pointed her sword at the first Faerie, I recognized him. It was Ronan, he was trembling and there was sweat dripping down his face. He had a cut on his lip and one of his eyes were swollen shut, as though he had fought when they tried to take him.

“Yes or no, High Lord?” Amarantha half twisted to look at Rhysand. Ronan took this as an opportunity to jump at her, but there was a beast holding him back immediately. Rhysand’s eyes were wide with fear and disbelief. “Apparently, this one is a yes. Let me tell you something…” She waited for him to give her his name. Ronan, bless his heart, spit at her feet and bared his teeth at her.

“Well, actually your name doesn’t matter.” Without another beat, she swung her sword and cut him in half at the waist. But she didn’t bother to stop her swing’s follow through and cut through the first half of the entire Night Court. Time slowed to a still. I couldn’t look at the rest of the people she cut through like a stalk of grass. My entire focus was on Ronan. Sweet, kind, funny Ronan. His eyes were still defiant and jaw was set. He didn’t have time to register what was happening. Now, his upper half of the body was slowly sliding off his lower half. The squelching of his body slipping was the only sound in the room. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t breathe. Someone started screaming behind me, there were tears slipping down my face but none of that registered. All that went through my mind was that I was in some special kind of hell and Ronan along half the entire Night Court here had been slaughtered. Rhysand stood at the front watching in horror, unable to move. Amarantha had bound him with the spell she used to bind us all.

Amarantha snapped her fingers and the guards behind us grabbed the bodies of the murdered and hauled them over their shoulders. The top halves on one shoulders and the bottom halves on the other. Amarantha still hadn’t dismissed us so none of us could move or look away. Everyone, every single person, Faerie, beasts, stood as still as a statue and watched as the beast guards pinned the bodies in a horrible design on the wall in the back. They were all on the slanted part of the wall so it looked like they were watching over us.

 

Amarantha silently walked over to Rhysand and I watched her grab his chin and place a soft gentle kiss on his lips. If I didn’t know better, it was a lover’s promise. But it was a promise of death, torture, violence, revenge. It was a promise of power.

“Beg.” She whispered to Rhysand. It rang through the room as though she had yelled it. “Beg me not to kill the rest.”

He stared at her for a few seconds, but those seconds felt like hours to me. Slowly, ever so slowly, he knelt down on his knees and looked up at her, rage writhing on his face.

“Please.” He whispered.

“Louder!” She smiled at him like an adder.

“Please, do not hurt any more of my people.” He begged her.

“See, I can be merciful.” She grinned at him, holding his stare for a few seconds, and then turning that evil gaze onto the rest of us. “Everyone’s so serious!” Amarantha walked past him, her dress sashaying behind her, to the throne that was brought into the front center of the room onto a dias. Rhysand straightened up and after a few seconds, looked straight at me, silently commanding me to stay inconspicuous and meet him in the back corner. “Come now! This is a party and as such we shall enjoy our time here.” She snapped her fingers and everyone, as though they were puppets on strings, turned to each other in groups and started talking and drinking. At a superficial level, everything looked the same, but you could tell there was fear lining everyones voice. Apprehension controlling their movements.

 

Amarantha had him stay back for a few moments, I could see that they were talking and she was brushing his hand against his arm. I slowly walked my way over the back corner to wait for him to meet me. When he came, I had no words to offer him, nothing I could say that would offer what just happened justice. I was angry, disgusted, enraged, and horrified.

“You were able to keep me out of your head earlier. I don’t even know how you did it, but you did it all the same.” He took a step closer to me, he was trembling. I thought it was fear at first but it was wrath. “This is a different type of battle we’re facing. Are you ready to fight it?”

I looked straight into Rhysand’s eyes, my own unwavering. My hands were clenched by my sides and my chin lifted in defiance.

“I’m ready.”


	4. Chapter 4: The First Decade

**Year 4: The Daemati and The Consort**

It had been four years since that night Rhysand and I became trapped Under the Mountain, Amarantha controlling almost all of Prythian. Rhysand had thrown a shield over The Court of Dreams and bound his inner circle so that they couldn’t leave. If they left, the shield would drop. He didn’t want any of them near this, I understood why. Before he lost his powers, he had a chance to talk to them for a fleeting moment. He refused to tell me the details but Cassian had called me a traitorous, water wraith bitch and vowed to kill me if I set foot in Velaris again. Before he could correct Cassian that he was mistaken, Rhys lost his powers and had fallen under Amarantha’s control. And I had been branded an traitor of the Court of Dreams.

Since then, Rhysand became Amarantha’s personal consort, her right hand man. He had assumed that role to protect as many of us as he could and stay as close to her possible so that one day he could slaughter her as she did his people. People jeered at him and called him Amarantha’s whore, but that didn’t faze him. We knew we were getting out of here quickly, we just had to wait for the right moment to strike.

I had become her personal servant. After Rhysand grew close to her, he recommended me to be his second. She didn’t trust surrounding herself with so many of his people, so she made me her maid. I was the one who tasted her food before she ate it, I was the one who cleaned out her room, made her bed after she spent the nights fucking Rhysand. I was the one she rewarded her subject’s good behavior with. For all she knew, I was her servant who cleaned up after her and suffered at the hands of the Faeries who she lent me out to for a night or a week if they impressed her. What she didn’t know were the lessons Rhysand gave me every chance he got.

Rhysand had been teaching me to control my mind and protect it against other daemati— that’s what we were called. And he had been teaching me to fight and protect myself. My fighting lessons were limited though, if I had been gaining too much strength and muscle, people would start to notice. So I learned to defend myself, after all, I would become useless to Amarantha if I was dead.

It was starting to become harder and harder for me to stay focused on what’s real and what’s not real. When Amarantha became upset with me or angry, she had me tortured by the Attor or placed in the cells below. Or if she liked something I did, she lent me to Samson. I found out Samson was Mor’s brother. A lot of people from the Court of Nightmares were still here and many of them had agreed with Amaranth’s rule and her ways. Samson was her personal favorite. She still favored Rhysand so she gave me to him the most. He was vile and made my blood curl whenever I saw him but he wasn’t even the worst in this Mountain. Regardless, every night when I hadn’t lost my consciousness from the Attor’s beating or my time with Samson, which usually included a beating followed by servicing him, I reminded myself that I’d be getting out of here as soon as I could. I just need to stay under the wraps, and go with whatever was coming my way. I’d be out of here soon. Chanting this to myself silently was all I could do.

The nights when I couldn’t hold onto my consciousness and I succumbed to the pain, Nuala and Cerridwen, Rhys’s spies, helped bring me back to my quarters, a small closet sized room and helped clean and bandage me. All of this was temporary, I told myself, I was learning how to fight and protect myself. Rhys and I would kill Amarantha and we would be able to go back home and work to building a better world.

Home. I had no other way to describe it. I couldn’t call it what it really was but in a way, it had become my home, my safe haven.

 

There was a chance for this to happen. Amarantha had made a deal with Tamlin, the Spring Court’s High Lord. He had to find someone to love him before the fiftieth year, and if he did, we were all free, if not, we were more screwed than we were now. Rhys hated Tamlin, they had a feud going on between them that dated back centuries. I knew bits and pieces but not the whole story. I’d never interacted with Tamlin directly but one time Amarantha offered me to him to try to convince him to be with her, and he had looked at me with such disgust and told me he’d have me killed if I ever came near him. That was fine by me, I would use that time to practice fighting and readying myself.

 

**Year 7: Fire and Ice**

I’m not a human. I wasn’t aging like one. It’s been five years since we were captured, but I still didn’t look a day older. Except, my skin had hallowed from all the days I had starved, my eyes sunken n from the pain I suffered overnight. My hair was no longer down to my waist, Samson had shorn it to my scalp a year ago and it was now down to my ear level, and stringy from lack of nutrition. My limbs were slinky thin and I had no muscle. I still learned to fight from Rhysand but we focused more on self-defense and using my opponent’s weight and strength against them.

Staying here this long was starting to take its toll on Rhys too, I could tell. This particular night, I was in a cell down in the dungeons. I had spit on Samson’s face when he told me I was to clean his room after he had spent the night beating me and and making me service him. Rhysand came to bring me some food and sat down in the cell next to me, handing me the wrap of bread and meat he had snuck me.

“I’m not a human, am I?” Rhysand shook his head. It was easier to talk about this than to talk about what we faced everyday. “I don’t think I’m even a regular Fae.”

Rhys looked at me sharply. “Why do you think that?”

“Sometimes, I feel something coursing through me. When I’m angry, my veins feel burning hot. When I imagine killing Samson, I feel it. When I see the Attor, it feels like the veins are frozen solid.”

“Don’t say this out loud to anyone and just anywhere.” I nodded softly. I understood, even the walls here had ears. “No, I don’t think you’re a regular human or even Fae for that matter.”

“I feel like there’s something bubbling inside me and one day it’ll burst out if I don’t learn what it is and control it.”

Rhys looked pained. He already had a lot to juggle and it wasn’t fair of me to put more on him. “I’ll look into it.”

“Don’t.” I grabbed his arm. “It’s a waste of our time. It’s not urgent right now. Let me figure out what’s going on in me. If it becomes concerning, I’ll come to you, I promise.”

He shook his head once, rested his head on the wall behind us and we sat in silence. We didn’t know when it would end, _if_ it would even end.

But I wasn’t going to be that helpless girl that couldn’t cut it. I’d seen what happens to those people here, they were cut down, tortured and released to the afterlife, if there was even enough of them left for that. I will survive this, I will come out of this on top. When all of this ended, when Amarantha was dead, I will be remembered as someone who fought, who didn’t give up and succumb to this hell. It didn’t matter if I was a servant or a whore rented out, if I was standing up to her in whatever way I could, if there were people that were safe and protected as long as I suffered, that was okay by me. I’d told Rhys that I felt fire and ice coursing through me, but it was defiance, rage. It was pure stubbornness.

 


	5. Chapter 5: The Second Decade

**Year 11: Hope**

We lost hope. He didn’t admit it to me but I knew he forgot how Cassian, Azriel, Mor, and Amren looked. He would share stories about each of them and share their faces in our minds to keep us going as long as we could, but a few months ago, Rhys couldn’t show me the image of his friends. I knew the reality of our situation, his time with Amarantha was taking its toll on him. I’d seen the cold exterior he put in front of the others and I tried to imitate that icy wrath and strength as much as I could. That was the only way I knew to survive.

 

I had lost hope years ago, but his strength carried me. Knowing I wasn’t alone, that at least one of us believed and hoped carried me through. I didn’t know if I had anything that would hold me up anymore. The initial defiance and rage I felt burned bright occasionally but mostly was reduced to an ember. I had to shield it from everyone on most days, some day dampening it myself to keep it from burning so bright others would notice.

 

It had become an unspoken deal between us, we carried each other. When he needed hope, strength, I lent him mine. When I was sure that I would die and this was all worthless, he showed me what I was fighting for, who I was fighting for. We stuck to this promise, and I had the mark on me for the rest of my life to prove it. The promise extending from my heart down to the fingers on my left arm, Intertwining vines of roses, thorns, and leaves.

 

**Year 15: The Outsider**

I’m not human or Fae. It all started when Amarantha had me tortured by the Attor for disrespecting her. The disrespect in question had been me walking in on her and Rhys. I understood why she never questioned Rhys, he played his part so well, if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve questioned his allegiance as well. Because I had walked in on them, she had the Attor haul me down to the toruture room in the dungeons. The Attor had me strapped to the table I’d seen countless people tied to. I’d cleaned this table of it’s inhabitants’ blood and gore many times.

I knew what would happen, I’d seen it on their bodies, so I braced myself, vowing to hold out for as long as I could. I didn’t scream or even make a noise when he worked on my fingers, but when he cut my gut open and started playing with the contents in it, I passed out. All I remembered was the searing pain in my stomach and the empty feeling inside. The next thing I knew, Nuala and Cerridwen were standing above me, trying to take me back to my room. I couldn’t feel their arms around me, I couldn’t feel anything. I remembered Nuala running to get Rhys, returning a few seconds later with him in tow. Rhys had shut the door behind him and locked it so no one could enter. I knew I was dying but I don’t know how I was watching all of this.

Rhys just stood there staring at me wide eyed, I didn’t understand why he wasn’t helping me. In fact, he was having Nuala and Cerridwen hide behind him, behind the bright light that was shining on them. That was all I remembered before everything blacked out. Maybe that was for the best, but Rhys showed me what he experienced that night.

 

_He had run in to the torture chamber with Nuala leading the way. When he walked in, I was sprawled on the bench, my stomach split wide open with my guts spilling out the side. Cerridwen moved to close my eyes, believing I had died, when my eyes lit up bright white light. There was no pupils, my entire orifices had a bright light shining from them. My eyes, nostrils, mouth all had light shining out. Even my opened stomach was covered in a white light, so bright you couldn’t see it. Rhys had to shield his eyes to avoid being blinded. When the light slowly faded, my cuts were all healed. My fingers were normal, my stomach was smooth and clean as though I had never suffered, my hair had grown back to its fullness. And I was breathing again._

 

This didn’t go unnoticed by Amarantha, she had me tested for my powers. Rhys was livid that I let it get this far without going to him but it wasn’t in my control. Amarantha had Rhys test the full extent of my powers, find out what kind of powers I possessed, what I could do and how powerful I truly was. She gave him full autonomy over me to get her the information she needed.

 

We’d figured out that I could heal when I was severely damaged and close to death and I could control Air, Fire, Earth, and Water. There was more, I could move between the spirit world and the normal world. I found this out when I disappeared and Rhys couldn’t find me even though I was standing right in front of him. I could see all sorts of white glowing beings moving around but I couldn’t talk to them, they couldn’t see me. I could feel the soul and spirit of those around me, not just their thoughts, but their actual life source. When someone was killed, I felt it deep in my own soul. When someone was happy, though that was rare around here, I felt it in my heart. There was more, he was sure of it. But he kept me from discovering it in this pit hole.

 

Rhys lied and told Amarantha that I had the power of healing and I could manipulate the elements, but left out the extent of my powers and the other abilities I had. She was contemplating what to do with me, possibly have me killed for the threat I posed her, when Rhys told her of the uprisings and rebels growing in Prythian. She backtracked and had Rhys spend three hours everyday train me and my powers. She wanted me to help her quench the uprisings and help Rhys on whatever missions she sent him on and soon, she promised, I would have my own. Whatever would make her trust me more, get me closer, I would do. I would do whatever was necessary to keep her focus off innocent people and help Rhys not feel any more alone than we already did.

She still had me go to Samson’s. I would take whatever wine or drug Rhys, Nuala, or Cerridwen would give me before these times. I remembered some, I forgot some. When he found out about my powers, he beat me extra to see if he could get my healing powers to activate. They didn’t.

The other High Lords were enraged, thinking I had somehow stolen their powers from them but my powers from different from theirs. My fire could turn blue, red, orange, all the colors of the rainbow should I wish it. Same with the other elements, they were similar but there was also enough differences to confirm my powers didn’t originate from theirs. Soon after they realized that I was training to fight for Amarantha, they stopped their complaints. It was either hold their tongue or be killed for disrespecting and conspiring against the Lady of the Mountain.

 

I was an outsider from this land trying to fit in. And for the past six months, I had been training to become her soldier, executioner, and Rhys’s second. Tomorrow was going to be my first mission.

 


	6. Chapter 6: The Third Decade

**Year 21: The Blight**

I didn’t have any humanity left in me. The things I had done in the name of protecting of the innocent, protecting my people. Because they had become my people somewhere along the way. The Night Court, The Court of Dreams, Velaris, they had become my purpose, my home. I never told anyone, though I suspected Rhys knew. I didn’t want my home ripped from me like my humanity had been.

I had done unspeakable things in the name of protecting innocent people but I had also done it in Amarantha’s name. I had murdered, tortured,and pillaged. I had debased myself. All that was left of me was a husk of a body with a name. Every time Amarantha, Samson, or anyone in this place said my name I felt my identity slipping further and further away. I’ve stopped looking the mirror a long time ago; I’ve seen the looks people give me as I walk by and I didn’t think I’d be able to handle if I looked at myself like that. Nuala or Cerridwen helped me get ready so that I looked presentable. As Amarantha’s third and her executer, I had to look presentable.

“Are you ready?” Rhysand walked into my room. My quarters were bigger than the closet I started out with. It had it’s own living room, bedroom, antechamber, and bathroom. There were no windows though. I haven’t felt the sun or the wind on my face since that first night.

“Almost.” I barely glanced at Rhys. We were supposed to go to the Winter Court today to kill off some rebels Amarantha had found out about. Normally, Rhys and I were able to protect some people but these ones had been blatantly conspiring and there wasn’t much we could do.

After Nuala strapped all my weapons onto me, I finally looked at Rhys. His masterpiece built from scratch. He trained me everyday for fighting with my powers and without. We used Amarantha’s okay as way to ready ourselves for when that day would come, if it ever came.

I looked at Rhys and took him in. His skin had become a lot paler than when I first met him, though I don’t remember much about that life anymore. This life, Under the Mountain, felt like it was all I’ve ever known. He was still strong and retained his muscle, we fought and trained every day. It wasn’t as much as before but most of his power and strength remained.

Without another word, we walked out. This was it, we were finally getting to leave the Mountain, even if it was for a short while. Rhys had left the mountain before on quick missions, but Amarantha never let me. It was harder for me to mask my wildness than it was for Rhys. I think she felt like if she ever let me go, I would stray too far. I’m not sure why she’s finally letting me go but nothing good could come of it, so I didn’t let myself get too excited. 

 

I stopped. This was it, the last step before I was fully outside of the mountain. Rhys stopped beside me, watching me.

“Don’t look at it like that.”

“Like what?” I couldn’t take my eyes off the line where the shadows ended and the sun began.

“Like you might burn alive if you step out there.”

“That’s not what I’m feeling.”

A soft smile on his sensual lips. I didn’t see it that much anymore, that smile. “Then what are you feeling Rose?”

I flinched. Every time someone says my name, I flinch. It doesn’t remind me of that beautiful basket of flowers Mira had the first day I met her. It reminds me of the treacherous thorns that mutilate the flower. 

“I feel…” I couldn’t look at him. “I feel like the world out there, wherever, there is still some beauty, love, happiness alive. I feel like if I were to cross that line, I would be bringing all of this crap, _utter_ evil, to that place.” I shook my head. “I can’t do that.”

Rhys stayed completely still, I wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. “We’re doing the best we can to protect those who can’t protect themselves,” He pointed back towards the mountain, “from her. ”

“Come on, Rose. We’ll take that step together.” He grabbed my hand. His cool hand squeezed my hot, clammy hand.

I crossed over into the light and felt the cool sun on my skin. This was the Winter Court, the sun didn’t burn as bright here. But being here under the sun, I felt the fire in my veins burn a little hotter.

Rhys pulled his hand out of mine with sharp hiss. “You’re burning up.” He gave me a sharp look that said _reign it in_.

“It’s being out in the sun. My powers are stronger.” Rhys started walking and I followed.

“Don’t let yourself get too comfortable out here.” I knew he was trying to keep me from getting hurt, but I couldn’t help it. The power coursing through me, this far away from Amarantha’s control. I could feel just how deep it ran through.

“It’s not at it’s deepest.” I knew he read my mind, I left that connection open from him. Out here we had as many enemies as in there. No one trusted us and we didn’t trust anyone.

“It’s not?” I looked at my hands. They were glowing a warm orange fading to a piping hot red at my finger tips.

“I doubt this is the extent of your powers. If we get out of this, we’ll find out just how deep they really run.” I nodded but didn’t say anything. I didn’t miss the if, but I didn’t comment on it.

 

We walked for three hours when we went to the base the rebels were hiding in.

“Let me take over this okay? Do as I say.” Rhys put his hand in front and blocked me, until I agreed, rolling my eyes.

The camp looked deserted but we knew better. This was the Winter Court, their home. They knew the land and its secrets better than us. But I could feel their spirits, their hearts beating, and I knew they here. And they were terrified, crying.

“Over the hill, High Lord.” I said pointing. When there were other people around, I always addressed him as High Lord. Neither of us ever indicated to others that we were close. We didn’t want to risk losing that too.

We walked slowly over the hill so as to not alarm anyone. Even though we were here to stop the rebellion, we wanted to do as little damage as possible. But we were too late.

 

Every rebel was dead, laying in the white snow that was acting as a canvas for the red that was rapidly pooling around them. I kept my face expressionless, but I felt sick. Sick to my stomach and I had to reel it in. Beside the dead rebels were five Faeries, all that looked like the Attor. They were gathering all the younglings to a pile in the center.

“What’s happened here?” Rhys asked in the most casual tone, as though he was asking about what they’d like for dinner. “You didn’t leave some fun for us?”

“Whore.” One of the beasts spit at his feet and another, the one to his left chuckled. I lit the beast that laughed on fire, its high pitched screams filling the entire area around us. I just walked closer and closer to the beast, slowly, as though I was strolling down the street on a warm summer night. By the time I reached it, the beast had reduced to a pile of ashes and the air was smelling like burnt flesh. I sent a slight breeze from behind me towards the other beasts, its ashes and smell carrying in the wind and hitting the beast’s friends, if that’s even what they were. I didn’t need to look to my left to know that Rhys was making the beast that spit at him claw its own eyes out and once it had finished that, it would begin peelings its own skin off until it was just flesh. Then I would burn it dead as I had it’s companion.

“Now, now.” Rhys soothed the other Faeries that were clearly starting to panic. “What happened to _that_ doesn’t have to happen to _you_.” His voice sounded as though he was caressing and comforting them.

“Her Highness sent us here to kill the rebels.” one of the beasts sniveled.

“Now why would she do that? She sent us.” I took a step closer. It’s eyes darted to me before turning back to Rhys.

“Her Highness told us to kill the rebels and prepare these younglings for you. We have to bring their bodies back to her.”

“What?” I stood frozen, eyes wide. Rhys’s calm stillness was the only indication that he was raging inside. The bitch— _bitch_ — was going to have us bring the younglings to her. Them, they were the ones that I justified dong all this for. For the future that we could have should Amarantha not win.

_Rose._

_No!_

_Go back. Let me handle this._ He was willing to shred whatever was left of him, to keep me from doing it to myself. There was no humanity left in us, but whatever chance we had at redemption was gone if we did this.

_Rhys, I don’t care what you say. I DON’T CARE! We are doing this together. Let me share the burden with you. You don’t deserve to do this alone._

_This is…How could I ever agree to you doing this?_

_Because its not your decision to make, Rhys. It’s… It’s Amarantha’s._ I would do this if it meant these younglings, babies, wouldn’t suffer at the hands of Amarantha directly. I knew after this, I would feel nothing, be nothing.

Rhys nodded at me and we stepped forward. He closed his eyes, not because he needed to for his power to work, but because he couldn’t look. Couldn’t face what he was about to do.

I didn’t close my eyes. They needed to know that there was someone there with them, even if they were looking at me with a mixture of hatred and fear. I needed to make sure that I committed their faces to my memory, so no matter what I would never forget this.

Without warning, I felt each of their souls rip apart from them. I felt the pain so deep in my own soul, that I felt as though my own was being ripped apart. It was, whatever shred of it remained. I saw the light leave each of their eyes, even if their bodies didn’t drop to the floor. After each one fell to the floor, dead— they were dead. With my arms outstretch, I sent a wave of fire at them. This was as much of a funeral as I could give them. This was the only thing I could give them, the promise that they would _never_ step foot inside that hell. That Amarantha would never set her beady eyes or lay hands on them .

The beasts were startled, trying to come closer but I held them at line. They wouldn’t taint this more than they already had.

Without another word, Rhys and I headed back to Under the Mountain. I couldn’t face the world like this, I deserved to be Under the Mountain. When we reached back and gave Amarantha the update, she was furious. I had failed her at my job, bringing back the dead younglings to her. I told her I was over zealous to use my powers and gotten carried away. She had the Attor give me seventy two lashes and made Rhys watch. Three lashes for each youngling, of the three, one for the youngling, one for each of the parents that didn’t get to see them. As though she cached about the parents getting to grieve for them, she only cared about the pain that she could inflict. Rhys tried to take my pain away so I wouldn’t feel it, but I wouldn’t let him. I deserved it. I knew I deserved it as I heard my screams blend into the screams and wails of the Winter Court.

 

**Year 28: Nightmares**

After the ‘blight’, that’s what everyone was calling it, I had become more feared. As I walked people stepped out of the way. Rhys had become more hated. But they knew, every single person in that mountain and outside the mountain, knew that what we gave them was a mercy compared to what Amarantha wanted for them.

In public, I was a menace, a force to be reckoned with. When I walked by, people separated to make a pathway for me. No one willingly came into my way. After my last shred of humanity had been destroyed, I gave into the monster I was and had full control of my powers. My eyes had changed color after that night. My dark brown eyes had a bright glowing gold fire in them. No one looked directly into them, there might have been a rumor that those who looked directly into them burned alive. There were times when even Amarantha was apprehensive of me.

 

But I knew what Rhys had visioned for the world, what he wanted to build after Amarantha’s taint was gone. So I worked to maintain a civil relationship with the other High Lords and the people Under the Mountain. I never talked to anyone unless necessary and I never hurt anyone unless provoked. But Amarantha’s willing followers, I never held much mercy for them.

In private, I was empty. I made snarky jokes with Rhys and acted cocky. But that was because I figured that was better than the vast emptiness inside me and I think Rhys entertained and went along with my crap for so long because he knew. He was the same after all. we didn’t know when we would come out of this, if ever.

 

Rhysand was still Amarantha’s whore, and I was still lent out to whoever Amarantha was pleased with the most. Usually it was Samson. Since I became stronger, fiercer, I fought Samson off as much as I could. One time I almost burned his privates off. When Amarantha found out, she was annoyed that of all the problems, this was what she was handling and ordered me to obey whatever Samson said in the bedroom. Since then, it’s gotten worse, he got worse. It was hard for Rhys too, he wouldn’t talk about the things she made him do. More than the Attor, Rhys became her main torturer, I transitioned to executioner.

Some nights, Rhys and I would just sit in his bed, or mine, and get lost in our own thoughts. Sometimes it hurt too much to even think so we just sat silently with each other. If we needed to talk, I always gave us privacy by hardening the air around us. I could feel through the earth and through air and tell if anyone was around us, and if they were, what they were doing so precisely that I could tell their facial expression. Tonight, Rhys and I sat in his bed, legs up, leaning back against the bed frame and just staring into the fireplace. My back, though fully healed by now, was still marred and disfigured from the lashes. Amarantha had kept it from healing with my powers and instead forced me to heal at human’s pace. It was a month before the wounds finally closed and another month before the tightness in my back eased. However, on nights like these, it was always uncomfortable and I was always fully aware of the twitch in it.

“Is it hurting?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“It’s not healed completely. I doubt it will ever be.” I nudged him with my shoulder. “it’ll be okay.” I don’t know if I even believed those words.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head on his shoulder. I couldn’t sleep when I was alone, the nightmares… I never got the nightmares I used to get before Under the Mountain. Those stopped a long while ago, I get nightmares about the things I’ve done, the things that have happened to me.

“Is he any closer to breaking the curse?”

“No, but really, who with an ounce of sense would fall in love with Tamlin?”

“Let’s hope there’s truly someone who’d be willing.” I smiled.

I wanted to stay awake but, “Sleep. I know you haven’t been getting much lately.”

“I can’t.”

“I’ll be here for as long as I can. If I have to leave, I’ll wake you up before I go.”

I hesitated but nodded in the end and closed my eyes, head still on his shoulder. I wasn’t sure when it happened but sweet sleep dragged me in.

 

“Rose.” A warm, sensual voice pulled me out of sleep. “Rose, wake up.” Instantly, I had my eyes wide open and was wide awake.

“What happened?”

“If you keep drooling on me anymore, my entire arm will be soaked through.” He said with a disgusted look on his face. I shoved him, playfully. “I got to go… Amarantha called.”

I understood. “I’ll walk with you.”

As we made our way through the halls to Amarantha’s room, some of the Faeries passing by whispered ‘whore’ and ‘Amarantha’s whore’ to Rhys. He didn’t bother to even glance at them.

 

When we reached Amarantha’s room, I was about to say bye to Rhys when the bedroom door opened.

“Ah! Rose, you’re here too. How convenient.” She had a glint in her eye and I immediately knew there was something wrong.

I stood rigid, “Yes, Lady?” Rhys remained standing next to me. Amarantha expected him to walk obediently into her room and wait by her side, but he defiantly stood by me and waited expectantly for her to finish.

“Samson’s expecting you. Don’t keep him waiting too long.” She smiled conspiratorially, picking her nails.

“Yes, Lady.” I kept my interactions with her short and to the point. Without another word or glance at Rhys, I turned on my heels and made my way to Samson’s quarters.

On the way, I took a quick detour to the kitchens and grabbed a bottle of the strongest wine I could find. I didn’t bother with a goblet, I swung the bottle entirely and downed its contents as quickly as I could. I could feel my mind slowly slipping away as I made my way over to Samson’s room.


	7. Chapter 7: The Fourth Decade

**Year 30: The Winter Solstice**

This was the penultimate decade before Tamlin’s curse was going to expire. After that, everyone belonged to Amarantha and there was no chance of us every being free. _Free_. It tasted like ash on my tongue. I couldn’t remember what freedom felt like. Did I ever have freedom in my life? I did, for a brief moment long ago when I was in… _No._ I didn’t allow myself to think of that place anymore. It was a far away land, a dream that had long since faded away. Even then, I couldn’t remember most days if it was real. Rhys had to confirm to me that it was in fact real. But even he didn’t let his mind linger there for too long. 

 

Amarantha held more and more parties to try to leech information from Tamlin on how his search was going. I knew he was giving up too, but no one wanted to admit it to Amarantha. Even if Tamlin and Rhys hated each other, they agreed on that. This particular night, Amarantha was celebrating Winter Solstice, a mock of the celebration the Winter Court held. Though she used the Winter Solstice as an excuse, Amarantha was celebrating the three dozen rebels that she had me slaughter. I told myself I didn’t feel it anymore, the deaths, each soul cut down like a sugar cane. But I felt each and every single one. Each death felt like I had my soul stabbed by my own poisoned blade.

 

Rhys and I attended the gatherings together but not _together_. I attended these celebrations as his subordinate and I was on official business. That was how I convinced myself to not entirely lose my mind. I didn’t know if this who I was, I barely knew who I was before Under the Mountain. Everything I did here was a show, an act. As such, how I dressed and presented myself was also a declaration. Nuala and Cerridwen were helping me get ready for the party. Instead of my usual fighting uniform, I had them dress me in a full sleeved, midnight blue, chiffon gown that worked as a thin sleeve over tight black pants that would still allow me to fight if need be. It was speckled with gold stars throughout the gown, though a cluster were bunched near my neckline. The neckline that went so high up, it covered my neck and spooled over my back as a see-through make shift cape. But the real neckline on the back was non-existent. It plunged deep to the top of my backside. My scars from the lashes Amarantha gave me for killing all those younglings were on proud display. I would not cover them up, the reason I had earned them. The wrongs that Amarantha did.

 

After Nuala and Cerridwen decorated my face with rouge and kohl, piled my hair high on my head in a pony tail, the ends of my hair grazing my mid back, I was ready. I met Rhys at his room and together we headed up to the throne room. I held my head high as I entered the room, I always did. I would not let any of these snakes smell an ounce of fear on me. I walked to the center of the room where Amarantha sat in her throne, Tamlin, the guest of honor, sitting next to her in his own throne.

“Merry Winter Solstice.” I bowed my head, and stood in front of her and Tamlin. The latter was silent and rigid.

She smiled an adder’s smile, all of her pearly white teeth showing. “What a bold choice, Rose.” Her silky smooth voice caressing me, ready to suffocate me at a moment’s notice. “Do I have you to thank for this?” She turned towards Rhys.

“No,” He looked at me casually, “I would like to think someone with her abilities can do a simple job of dressing herself.”

Amarantha nodded dismissively and I turned around and walked away. As I was walking away, I heard gasps throughout the room. I didn’t bother looking back, she knew what I meant to convey. I walked to the back of the room and stood guard for the rest of the night. I sipped wine occasionally but didn’t gorge myself on it as I normally would. I wanted to remember this night. Amarantha might be treating this as a celebration but it was a mourning for me.

 

“High Lord. What are you doing here? The festivities are in the throne room.” I kept my voice cold and icy. There were people walking around and ears everywhere. They’ve already reported that Rhysand was in the hallway heading out of the party. If they knew we were having a civil conversation with each other, there would be hell to the pay.

“The festivities bore me.” Rhys responded nonchalantly but I knew by the slight quiver of his eyebrow that there was something more, something was bothering him. I silently followed him as he led us into his quarters.

As soon as we entered his room, I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” I waited for him to continue. “My heart… hurts.”

I looked at him quizzically. Of all the things that we had faced in the last three decades, I wasn’t expecting this. “What do you mean?”

“No.” I made to move closer, “No, not hurting per se. It’s beating so fast. As though I have no control over it anymore. As though it no longer belonged to me.”

He started pacing around the room. I had placed a barrier around the room as soon as we entered so I knew no one could listen in. He turned around, and looked at me with the widest, happiest grin on his face that I had ever seen. He looked at me but it felt as though he was looking right through me, as though he looking at something in his mind’s eye.

This was it, he’d finally cracked. I looked at him like he was mad and was about to tell him so, when he looked at me exasperatedly. “I have no lost my mind, despite how it may seem.”

“Uh huh.” He had gone back to smiling widely again. This was not the Rhys I spent the last thirty years with, he looked happy. He looked as though he was newly born into a world full of love and warmth.

“I just get this feeling, as crazy as it seems, Rose, that I’m not alone.”

 

**Year 38: Purpose**

Since that night of the Winter Solstice party, Rhys was different. We had both fallen into this pit of despair but he now worked with a renewed sense of purpose, as though there was something that he had long since forgotten but was now fighting for. There was a point where we felt we were doing the best we could to protect this world from evil as much as we could but in the end it wasn’t much fruitful. But he didn’t feel that way anymore, I sensed it in him.

I was happy for him, watching him find meaning in all the suffering we were surrounded by. To know that there was a meaning, a life we were going through al this for. But I couldn’t help but feel more alone. I felt as though we had been in a pit that he had pulled himself out of and I was still stuck in there by myself. He was still there for me, the way we promised each other we would be but I still couldn’t help this. I never let him know I felt this way, my daemati skills had become almost as strong as his and I had to work extra hard to keep this from him. He would feel guilty and feel bad, that was the last thing I’d want.

He found a renewed sense of purpose— a cause he was fighting for, whether he knew it consciously or not. I still hadn’t found mine and I wasn’t sure I knew if I could make it out Under the Mountain alive without it.


	8. Chapter 8: The Fifth Decade

**Year 44: Strenghtening the Wall**

Tamlin had five more years before he had to find a mortal woman to fall in love with him. Everyone was anxious, nerves on edge, anticipating for when we would be free of this curse. Even Amarantha was on edge. She had to be kept up to date on all progress of Tamlin’s work and Rhys and I used this as a reason to try to get out of the Mountain as much as we could. There had to be something that we could do and Rhys felt he could enrage Tamlin enough into actually taking some action.

 

Amarantha stopped sending me on as many missions and kept me close to her for protection. It was either me or Rhys. She had us switch between doing her dirty work and protecting her. She stopped sending me to Samson as much anymore, but that didn’t bother him. She had long since ordered me to obey his commands in the bedroom and he took full advantage of this while he still could, I had the bruises and scars to show it. Everyone was apprehensive and prepared as best as they could for what would happen should Tamlin succeed, but also trying to prepare for when he failed. _When._ I had lost hope or maybe at this point, I was just too afraid of it.

 

One night, Amarantha called me into her bedroom. Usually when she had business for us, she had us meet her in the throne room. only when she had something top secret to give us, she called us to her private quarters. Rhysand was already in her bedroom, in the middle of… servicing her. She had me stand at the foot of the bed, all the while writhing in bed with Rhys.

“Have you heard anything about Tamlin’s progress?”

“No, my Lady. His emissary returned two nights ago and reported that they are still unable to find someone.”

“Do you expect me to trust the word of his emissary, Rose?” Her voice was a lover’s whisper.

“No, I double checked for myself before reporting it.” I said hardly. I hated it when she said my name. It felt disconnected from me, as though it was no longer the name I had chosen for myself.

“I have need of you.” she moaned and writhed as Rhysand continued his work. I rigidly waited, my hands clasped behind my back. _Bitch._

“I want you to go to the border to the Mortal Lands and report any weak spots.” My blood froze cold in my veins. Even Rhysand stopped short. She snapped her fingers, “I don’t remember telling you to stop, Rhysand.” _Red haired demon bitch._

“Do I need to tell you twice?” She threatened me.

“No, my lady.” Without another glance at Rhys, I turned on my heels and walked out of the room. I walked to my room under the pretense of getting ready for my mission. I strapped my weapons, twin swords on my back and a dagger at my waist, and another strapped to my thigh. But I couldn’t leave yet, I was panicking inside. She was preparing to advance into the mortal lands. 

 

I started at the right most edge of the wall and slowly made my way across the Spring Court along the wall. Each hole, each weakness I detected, I patched it up with my powers as best as I could. But my magic was completely different from the magic the wall was erected with so there wasn’t much I could do effectively. I noted down a few holes, reporting none would make her suspicious after all. It took me a total of eight nights to finish my inspection. Each night, I had to go to back Under the Mountain and report my findings to Amarantha. If she was unhappy with my findings for the day, she made me go to Samson as punishment. If she was happy with the holes I found, she still sent me to Samson, as a reward for my work. Afterwards, Rhysand and I talked about how we could patch the wall, how I could warn the mortals to move further away from the wall. After the first night, I sent a wave of nerve freezing coldness through the wall into the mortal lands, hoping the severe winter would drive them further and further away from the wall. There was no way for me to check if it actually worked, all I could do was hope it did the job.

 

That was all I was able to do these days. Do my best to help and minimize the impending destruction.

 

**Year 49: Calanmai**

This was the last year Tamlin had to break the curse. Amarantha had Rhysand or me keeping a constant watch on him. We were to report all of our findings to her promptly and regularly. She had Rhysand use his powers regularly to weed out any conspirators or if Tamlin had found anyone. She didn't know I was a daemati too and I preferred to keep it that way for as long as I could. 

 

Tonight was the night of Calanmai and Amarantha had tried to set up a party Under the Mountain hoping to lure Tamlin in, but he had refused and set up his own celebration in his lands. She was so paranoid and anxious that Rhysand and I were able to convince her to let us out for the night. Our jobs were to spy and scope out Tamlin’s progress. Even if he had a mortal woman there, Rhysand and I would lie through our teeth.

 

When we reached the Spring Court, the sight of the celebration had me speechless. I’d never seen an authentic Faerie Calanmai celebration, only whatever crap Amarantha had thrown for her so-called guests. There were bon fires lined all long the field and we could see Tamlin and Lucien at the front of the crowd.

“Be honest, am I going to vomit after witnessing this?” I looked around at the males and females and they all looked ready to jump each other at any moment. After several seconds passed and Rhysand still hadn’t responded I looked up at him. He was looking around at the crowd, clearly searching for someone. His eyes were glazed over, seeing but not seeing.

“Tamlin and Lucien are over at the front.” I said, pointing to them at the front towards the caves.

“I know.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“You should go check in with Tamlin and Lucien. See what you can find out.”

I placed my hands on my hips and stood there staring at him, stubbornly. He was acting weird and I was going to figure out why.

Rhysand gave an exasperated sigh and lightly placed his fingertips on the bridge of his nose. “I’m looking for someone.”

“Are you going to give me anything more than that?”

“No, so don’t waste our time and go scope out the great High Lord and his faithful servant.” He referred to Tamlin and Lucien with contempt.

I shook my head and made my way down the field towards the caves where I knew Lucien and Tamlin were.

 

Tamlin was very apprehensive of me but Lucien was always a bit more gentle, respectful. If I had to, I’d prefer to deal with Lucien than Tamlin. After brushing past a few faeries, I made to grab some refreshment some servants were carrying around, when I spotted Lucien. He was standing near the entrance of the cave.

I inclined my head towards the cave, “Is he in there?”

“Why does that matter to you? So you can go back and report it to her?” He spit at me, but more in contempt for Amarantha than directed towards me. He looked different than when I last saw him. His hair was longer and he looked stronger, like he was training, preparing. That was enough for me to gather what I needed to know. But that didn’t stop me from sifting through his mind. There was a girl, with striking blue eyes that could be mistaken for grey, and long golden brown hair. They were having dinner together, and she was looking angry. Scared but there was an unmistakable stubborn defiance in her.

“Yes. You know she wants to know any updates on his progress.”

“There isn’t any, you can leave now.”

“Lucien.”

“What?” He turned his body fully towards me and glared at me with his russet eye and the gold eye. I became rigid at his tone. Rhysand had warned me that people’s emotions here became more heightened around Calanmai.

“I will find out if theres anyone. Hiding them from me won’t help any of you.” He stood his ground, loyal to the end to Tamlin. Anyone with half an ounce of sense could see that he was greatly under appreciated and under valued here.

I moved to place a hand on his shoulder, but thought better of it. “Take care, Lucien.”

I turned around to walk away and I could feel his eyes on my back.

 

On my way back to where Rhysand and I agreed to meet, a few male faeries tried to grab me and pull me to them. But after I broke one of their hands, they kept to themselves.

 

“Ah. There you are.” Rhysand made his way up the small hill on the field to where I was waiting for them. He eyes had a wild, erratic look in them that had me double checking my powers and mental wards. “What’s wrong?”

“The girl form my dreams.” He whispered low enough that I strained to hear him. “She’s here.”

“The girl who was supposed to be across the wall?” He nodded, his hand was brushing through his short, dark hair. It was ruffled and messy, indicating he’d been doing this a lot longer than just now.

“Rhys,” He looked at me, “I talked to Lucien. He said there’s no one but he’s lying.”

I took a step closer. “Do you think it’s her? The girl from your dreams? She’s the one that’s going to break the curse?”

Rhysand grabbed my left arm, hard, I don’t think he realized the strength of his death grip.

_We can’t tell her._

I nodded. I understood. Who she was, what she had meant to him. Maybe not the full extent of who she was to him, but I understood enough to know that she was the hope that had renewed him years ago.

 

We made our way back to Under the Mountain.

“Did you find anything?” Amarantha’s cold voice rang through me, and though I promised Rhys I wouldn’t tell her about the mortal, in that moment, I knew I would do what I can to keep that mortal girl away from here. The promise in her voice, of death, torture, rage. I wouldn’t expose the mortal girl to this. I opened my mouth to say no, but Rhys beat me to it.

“Conspirators.” He snapped his fingers, and three faeries were dropped onto the floor in Amarantha’s bedroom. Their sharp faces and dark eyes were masked in panic and fear. Their bony, long fingers were bent in odd shapes, clearly broken. They looked at Rhys begging him, and then at me fearfully, and finally turned to Amarantha. The second their eyes laid on her, their fear switched to hate, disgust. One of them spit at her feet.

“Bitch!”

“Tell the Lady of the Mountain what you told me.” Rhys purred at them. Though his voice was soft and melodious, his eyes were lethal. They were hard and there was an edge to his posture I knew not to mess with.

“We were at the Spring Court Calanmai to rally as many people as we could. And then when you held the party to bring Tamlin back, we were going to storm Under the Mountain and slice your throat. Right here, in front of everyone. There’s more of us, growing. We’ll come for you one day, and that day,” Another spit aimed at Amarantha, “that day, you’ll pay for all that you’ve done.”

Amarantha grinned with feral delight. She was so paranoid about growing rebellions she didn’t even bother to question his authenticity.

A sharp thin dagger glinted in her hand.

“Hold them down Rhysand.” She moved towards them with a swiftness I had not seen from her. She usually had Rhysand and me do her dirty work.

 

Rhysand and I watched while she carved them up like roast for dinner. She started with the left most one who had called her a bitch and spit on her, saving the one who confessed till the last. It was methodical, she moved from bottom to top, leaving the heart and eyes for the end. In the end, the three faeries lay in a heap of organs. There was barely anything for them to be put back together and there was a deep stench of blood, gore, and feces in the room. After she was finished, Amarantha washed her hands and waved Rhysand and me away.

 

I was quiet all the way to my quarters and when we entered my bedroom and I was sure there were no eavesdroppers, I turned to Rhys with a gasp.

“How could you…” I grasped my hands and squeezed, unable to breathe properly. What I had just watched, those poor faeries.

“They’re not really conspirators.”I’d never heard Rhys’s voice so cold, so deathly.

I calmed myself down and looked at him quizzically. “What?” My voice was thick from my hysterics from moments before.

“They were the filth that went to attack… her.” His eyes blazed with promised death. “They deserved every ounce of what they got. Don’t think otherwise for one moment that they planned to do anything less than that to her.”

It helped to know that the faeries were… were what? This is what plagued our land. Evil and malice. I was relieved to know that no innocent lives were harmed but at the same time, I felt myself falling deeper into that hole in my heart.


	9. Chapter 9: A False Name

Everyone was standing in the hall watching Rhysand debrief Amarantha on his latest findings. She was sitting on her throne atop the dais, raised above everyone else. Everyone filled the throne room and their attention was intensely focused on Rhysand, who was standing in the center facing her with an air of arrogant boredom. No one dared step too close to him so there was about four feet of empty space all around him. I was standing next to Amarantha, by her feet. Though every inch of me exuded pomposity, from the lazy smile on my face to the way I crossed my legs in front of me as I leaned on the dais, inside I was taut. I knew Rhysand came back with something important and I knew he would try to harm no one from what he found if it could be avoided. But I didn’t know what was going to happen and that made me incredibly uncomfortable. I didn’t like not knowing what’s going to happen.

 

Amarantha stared at him down her sharp nose, her black eyes depthless and ruthless.

Rhysand smiled at her nonchalantly, as though he was talking to her about the weather.

“I found out the name of Tamlin’s pet.” I froze, the lazy smile wiped off my face, and shifted on my feet so that I was standing to my full height. I could feel Amarantha’s rage, not just because she was obviously seething with hatred, but because I felt it deep down in my soul. Everyone else in the room was a dull mixture of excitement. Amarantha held up her hand and the room immediately quieted down. This was not the time to test her patience.

Even though I could tell how she truly felt, everyone could tell, she didn’t speak. She wouldn’t give Rhysand the satisfaction of appearing intrigued, but she did give him an adder’s smile that promised torturous pain if he didn’t tell her the name of the mortal.

The entire room held their breath, I wasn’t sure if I was even breathing. Rhysand quirked an eyebrow and lifted his chin.

“Her name is Clare Beddor.” I kept my face neutral though I was confused. What was he doing? Why would he give Amarantha the girl’s name?

“Clare.” Amarantha tasted the girl’s name on her tongue. Names were powerful in Prythian and people protected their names as best as they could. “Clare Beddor. What a disgustingly bland name.”

She leaned forward and snapped her fingers. The Attor appeared next to Rhysand from the back of the room. I crinkled my nose and blocked out the air carrying his smell from my reaching me and breezed the smell away from Rhysand.

 _Thank you._ I didn’t bother responding to him. He owed me an explanation for what was happening and I would not accept anything less. He constantly did things without bothering to include me in his plans, only for me to find out midway or afterwards. But by then, I’d already had a heart attack, anxiety attack, and ten years taken off my life from the stress.

 

“Did you hear that?” Amarantha asked the Attor.

He nodded, “Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Go fetch me this scum. Find out what you can from the mortal lands, and drag her back here.” She smiled at him, which looked more like she was baring all of her teeth. “Alive” She added as an afterthought.

Without another word, the Attor turned around and left the room.

Amarantha didn’t need to say anything else. We knew what she had planned for this Clare Beddor.

 

I sat on my bed and watched Rhysand. He was sitting at my desk with his back to me, writing fervently on a piece of paper.

“I know you’re watching me.”

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and sat facing him. “Why did you give the poor girl’s name to her?”

He turned to me in his chair with an exasperating sigh. His hand immediately going for his hair. I noticed he tended to do that a lot whenever the topic of this girl came up.

“She was there. I had sent so many creatures to their lands to deter her, make her realize she needs to leave. But she was still there when I visited them.”

“So what, Rhysand?” I challenged him. “You did not need to give her name to Amarantha.”

“I went back to check, Rose. She wasn’t there, they sent her away.” After the debrief in the throne room, Rhy was no where to be found. He had gone back to check, to warn them. “That was my intention. To scare Tamlin into realizing what he was doing was dangerous.”

“So they sent her away, but they still have her name Rhys.” I was desperate, he needed to realize what he did was a mistake.

“She lied to me. That’s not her real name.” Rhys turned to side and mumbled, “Do you really think I would give that bitch her real name?” I had hardened the air around us a long time ago, so we spoke freely. We would not dare call Amarantha a bitch to her face, that was not the hill we wanted to die on.

“Clare isn’t her real name, it’s fake?” I gaped. At least this mortal girl had some sense. I nodded, satisfied. The situation wasn’t ideal, but a criss had been averted, and that was all we could honestly do anyway.

 

A few hours passed by and we were still sitting in our respective spots from earlier. I had practiced my healing abilities. I could now heal on command, but was still weak when it came to healing others. My healing powers had an unexpected caveat in that when I tried to heal others, there was no way for me to unconditionally heal them. I could take their injuries as my own and then heal myself. If I could heal others unconditionally, I was not aware of how to do so and this was what I was doing to work around that. And for this ability to work and be strong, it meant that I had to increase my tolerance of injuries, though I was sure my tolerance was a lot higher than a vast majority of people in this world.

I was now practicing my powers, building a shield with each of the elements and trying to break it down with the others.

 

I was interrupted by a timid knock on my door. I sauntered over to the door, a trail of snowflakes floating in my wake, and found a small woman dressed in dirty rags. Her hair was matted in spots and tied in pigtail braids the best they could be. And her rags were covered in brown and red stains; I was sure the red stains weren’t from spilt wine.

“Can I do anything for you?” I asked in my most polite, unfeeling voice.

“Her Majesty requests yours and the High Lord of the Night Court’s presence in the throne room.” She bowed to me and spoke in a timid voice. The snowflakes dropped to the ground and melted into tiny puddles.

Before I could turn around, Rhysand was standing behind me, and left the room following the woman. I closed the door but didn’t bother locking it. Not many people entered the room and there was never any of my personal items in there anyways.

The timid woman, I didn’t bother asking her name, led us to the throne room. I realized it hurt a lot less when they died if I didn’t know their name. Rhysand and I discreetly exchanged glances but didn’t say anything.

 

When we reached the throne room, everyone was huddled around the center of the room and I could here muffled crying. Without another glance at the woman that led us here, Rhysand and I made our way to the front of the room, next to Amarantha. On the ground, next to the Attor, was a small girl, human girl, in her night gown. She was hunched over and struggling to keep her legs as close to her as possible and scoot away from the beast standing over her. Her legs. They were scratched and red and raw as thought she had been dragged through the ground.

“Well?” Amarantha directed that one worded question towards Rhysand. So much weighed on that word.

Rhysand shrugged a shoulder, not taking his eyes off the girl.

“Do you not remember the girl whose name you provided me with Rhysand?” She quirked a dangerous eyebrow.

“I believe it’s her,” He half turned to her, his hands deep in his pockets, “but they all look so mundanely alike to me.”

“Either way, Clare and I are going to have so much fun getting acquainted.” With that she turned her haunting smile towards Clare. “Would you do the honors?” She looked at Rhysand. “After all, if it were not for you, she would not be here.”

I saw a muscle in Rhys’s jaw flicker. “I would rather not soil myself touching a human.”

“Understandable.” She slowly got up and started walking towards the girl, Clare. The poor girl started crying harder and heaving gulps of air as Amarantha got closer.

My mouth was dry and it felt like my tongue grew twice in size, I gulped.

“Please,” Clare begged while sobbing, “I think you’ve got the wrong person.”

“Oh? You’re not the girl who is the receiver of Tamlin’s affections?”

Clare sobbed harder, “I don’t know anyone named Tamlin!”

“Tamlin is the High Lord who you’ve fallen in love with after you’ve hunted and killed his emissary, Andras.” She pulled Clare’s chin up with a sharp, bright red nail.

Tears and snot dripping from her nose mingled as she sobbed. “I’ve never hunted in my life, I promise.”

I winced and took a step forward to speak up. I didn’t know what I could say to help her but I had to do something. Amarantha’s attention turned to me when she noticed me moving towards her.

“Yes, Rose. Come here.” She motioned me forward. I walked to her, my footsteps weighed heavily. “Let’s see if this little bird would sing a tune for us. Break her fingers.”

I stared at Clare with disbelief. This was happening, actually happening. I made my way into her mind to reassure her it’s going to be okay and that she is not alone, but when I reached her, I found Rhysand there already.

 _It’s going to be okay, Clare. It won’t hurt a bit._ Rhysand was comforting her. Behind me, he was the epitome of boredom with barely any interest in the scene before him. _Rose._

I had to tell her it was okay, but I didn’t trust my voice. I was a coward. Crouching down to her level, I took her slender, delicate left hand in my own. This poor girl was going to be wronged and I was the one inflicting the pain. I kept my head down as a tear slipped down my face, if anyone saw… I sent a small breeze to dry the tear off and my burning skin cleared the tear stain on my cheek. Raising my head, I looked straight into Clare’s eyes, and grabbed her thumb in both hands and snapped it.

 

I don’t think the sound, the feeling of the bones snapping, will ever stop haunting me. The poor girl’s scream will be the sound that follows me for the rest of my life. I couldn’t think of her as Clare in those moments, she had to be nameless, faceless. After I had finished with her for the day, Amarantha sent her to the cell in the dungeons. Clare had fainted, though I knew it was Rhys who had told her when to scream, cry, and what to say. In the end, when none of us could take it, he had made her fall unconscious and the Attor dragged her out.

 

Every single person filed out quietly after she had been dragged out. In the end, it was just Amarantha, Rhysand, and me left. I still hadn’t been able to move from the spot where I was standing.

 _Rose._ My shoulder twitched in response.  _Rose, we need to move. We can't stay her._  Rhysand was prompting me to leave, but how could we after what we had just done. Tamlin just quietly watched as Clare was tortured and would be again and again. He didn't care that an innocent woman was being killed. During her torture, there were people jeering, snickering, and screaming obscenities. They had never bothered to extend any form of compassion to her and I was reminded who my company Under the Mountain was.

But Rhys was right, I can’t just stand here. I turned around and walked out of the room staring straight ahead. I didn’t bother with theatrics, I didn’t care what Amarantha thought. Rhys and I both knew we were absolute pieces of shit.

 

Everyday, Rhysand and I were in the dungeons working on Clare for hours and hours. The Attor and some others were there to witness it but I was the one who tortured her. Rhys held her mind every single time and kept her screaming and crying appropriately, but he took away her pain. Even though she couldn’t, I felt each and every single blow to her body, to her spirit, mirrored in my own. After a week’s worth of this hell, Rhysand ended her one day, claiming her own mind and body had given out before he could resuscitate her. Amarantha was furious he couldn’t keep her alive, but instead chose to nail her body in the throne room, right where the bodies of the Night Court members were slaughtered and hung all those years ago. Everyday, whenever I stood next to Amarantha to protect her and serve her, I looked at the body of the innocent girl whom I had murdered.


	10. Chapter 10: The Tragic Woman

Clare Beddor was the last straw for me. An innocent girl, who had done nothing wrong in her life to deserve what she had been forced to go through, was hanging above all of us in the throne room. Condemning us for what we had become. Since the night Rhys had shown her mercy and killed her rather than let her go through torture endlessly, I had become more and more defiant. I don’t know what thread came loose in me but I didn’t care that I spent almost every night in the cells or with Samson. All I knew was we had gone down a road that we would never be able to come back from and Amarantha can go to hell.

 

Whenever she sent me on a task, I questioned her. Whenever she summoned me, I took my sweet time getting to her. And whenever she ordered me to play executioner, I denied. Each time I defied her, my punishments got worse and worse. I was sure she had talked to Samson to make me pay as well, he had been worse than usual. But all of that didn’t matter. For the first time in almost fifty years, I had felt like I was standing up to her. I knew this sort of defiance didn’t help anyone, but if it was just one more way for me say ‘Fuck you’ to Amarantha, then I would gladly do it.

 

Rhys tried to get me to stop behaving like this and continue our tactics from before, but what he didn’t realize or didn’t want to realize, was that the time for those games was long gone. Nothing would be like it was before.

 

This particular evening, I was chained up in Samson’s room on his bed. He was taking a break from the consistent beating and fucking and went to the bathroom to clean up, when there was a knock on the door. I didn’t bother responding, it wasn’t anyone coming for me. The door opened a sliver and a male faerie’s head popped in, his green eyes with red irises going wide upon seeing me. Once he took my body and my situation in, he sneered at me derisively. It didn’t matter to me, on more than one occasion Samson had me presented in the whole court while in the middle of his affairs. my neck was sore but I managed to turn my head towards him and raise an eyebrow.

“Tell Master Samson that a human,” He spit on the ground at that word, “had come claiming to be Lord of the Spring Court’s lover. I think he’s want to bear witness to the events.” He nodded at me, and turned around and left.

 

No. No! She couldn’t have come here, not after all that we sacrificed for her. I knew what she meant to Rhys and how he would feel if she were in this hell. I struggled against my chains, I had to go help! I tried to pull my hands out of the metal cuffs but they were too tight and short of cutting my hand off, I wouldn’t be able to take it out. I half raised and looked at the bathroom door by my feet, listening for any signs of him. The water was still running and I could hear him taking his bath. I pulled at my foot, if I angled it to the right… It didn’t work. He had cuffed me to his bed thoroughly. I could feel tears running on my temple onto my ears, tickling me, but I paid no attention. Maybe if I dislocated my thumb?

 

No, don’t panic. Think. What can I do? I shut my eyes tightly and focused on the flow my fire towards my cuffs, when I opened my eyes they were burning bright red. I gasped excitedly, this could work! I’d never tried it, the punishment for breaking out was always worse than the punishment I was originally set to receive. I immediately sent a wave freezing air mixed with the water from my tears, straight to my hands and feet. I could hear the metal in the cuffs creaking indicating its brittle state. I raised all my legs and arms so I was resting entirely on my back and brought them all down at the same time with as much strength as I could muster. With a loud sound, my cuffs shattered off me. I paused, still laying on the bed, staring at the bathroom door. I wasn’t sure I was even breathing. He had to have heard that. Two seconds passed, five, ten. Nothing. He was still running the water and bathing.

 

I slowly got up off the bed and walked over to his closet and pulled out a pair of pants and tunic. I turned to the bed and found feathers floating down slowly. On the bed, there were four scorch marks and smoke raising out of them. I had burned through the mattress, straight through the frame and there were four gaping holes where the cuffs on my hands and feet were.

“What,” I froze at the cold, hard voice. “do you think you’re doing?”

He moved to me in three fast strides and grabbed a hold of my right hand and squeezed so hard, I was sure it was close to snapping.

I squeaked in pain. Despite all my icy hardness, I couldn’t mask my apprehension of what he might do to me. “We’re summoned to the throne room, there’s a human female claiming to be Lord Tamlin’s lover.” I avoided making eye contact with him, trying to pull my hand out of his grip. He held on tighter, and used his other hand to force my face to his.

“Then you should know, Rose,” He said my name with such delicate reverence that anyone would think it was love, “that you should wait for me to dismiss you.” He squeezed hard in to my jaw that I knew I would carry bruises there soon. He shoved my jaw away and a sharp jolt of pain shot up my neck to the base of my skull.

“Go.”He spat the word at me.

I moved to put on the clothes I took out of his closet and stopped short when I heard a hiss behind me.

“Not _my_ clothes.”

I raised my eyebrow, “You shredded my clothes, remember?”

“That’s not my problem, now is it?”

I clenched my jaw as hard as I could, that was the only way I would not burn his personal area off as I brushed past him.

I held my head high and stormed my way over to my room, Nuala and Cerridwen were no where to be found. I dressed as quickly as I could and rushed to the throne room.

 

Just as I entered, I saw her being dragged out of the room, unconscious, by the Attor. The bruises and swelling on her face indicated she had been beaten. I looked at Rhys and he was the epitome ofcasual disinterest but I saw the fear. The fear mingled with rage, defiance, and something else I couldn’t quite place.

By now, everyone had dispersed to their own groups and murmured their gossip to each other. Only Rhysand, Tamlin, and Amarantha remained by the throne. I walked up to her so that I was next to Tamlin, Rhysand had taken the position next to her.

“Who was that?” I looked at her adder’s smile, but I could see the irritation swimming right beneath the surface.

“ _That_ was the testament to your incompetence.”

“Excuse me?” She raised an eyebrow, and I knew now was not the time to push her buttons. I did it anyway. I crossed my arms across my chest and shifted my stance a little wider, preparing myself for the blow.

“My mistake Lady,” I leaned a bit forward and raised my voice, enunciating each syllable, “I said, EX-CUSE ME?”

Her porcelain face contorted with rage, and she slapped me hard across the face, her nails leaving long deep scars across my left cheek. The sound reverberated in the room and everyone turned to us.

 _You idiot._ I heard Rhys hiss in my head. I smiled back at him cheekily in my head. In person, I stared at Amarantha, a small smile playing at my lips. I let the blood drip down my face.

“Normally I would have you flayed alive until there was nothing left of you but shreds,” she smiled at me with what I think was meant to be graceful mercy, but it really just looked like a grimace, “but because I am feeling merciful today, I will let you off with cleaning the dungeons of their filth every night.”

I opened my mouth to tell her that while I was on the job of cleaning filth, maybe I can throw her out too, when Rhys came immediately to my side. He bowed so smoothly and deeply, “Thank you, Lady. It would be cumbersome to have to find a new second and train them from scratch.”

 _Come with me. NOW!_ I could tell he was angry but I followed him, giving Amarantha a half hearted bow on my way out.

 

We walked into his room but I didn’t bother with setting up the hard air. What did it matter anymore?

_Block our sounds._

“No. What does it matter?”

“Rose.” His voice was hard, as though he was holding back an ocean worth of rage.

With an exasperated sigh, I set up the hard air around his quarters.

“What were you _thinking_?” He grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me roughly. “Nothing. You weren’t thinking. You stopped doing that a long time ago.”

“So?”

“So?” He started pacing, “What do you mean ‘so’? Don’t you care?”

That question ripped the jaded facade off me. I yelled at him, “No! I don’t care!” I clenched my hands into fists so tight, I knew my nails were biting into my skin and the fire was burning my palms. I didn’t have to say more, all that was left unsaid laid bare between us. He knew what I meant anyways.

He walked over and grabbed my left hand, slowly opening my palm. I made sure to keep my fire from burning his hand. It wasn’t him who I wanted to hurt. He opened my palm facing up and tapped it with his index finger.

“You made a promise. A long long time ago. That you would give your life to protecting our people, our home.” I sniffled, using my right hand to wipe away the angry tears running down my face. “You don’t get to give up and act in blind defiance. You made a promise to protect our people and it’s your job to do just that. Plus, I have a feeling our people would want to thank you in person for all that you’ve sacrificed for them. So that they could live a life filled with love, laughter, art, and joy.” I sniffled again and looked up at him. Never had I felt so much like a small child. “And it is your duty to uphold that promise until your last dying breath.”

 

He let go of my palm and walked into his bathroom, probably to give me some privacy. I looked at my upward turned palm. There was a small rose bud at the base of each finger and thorny twines growing out of them all over my hand and connected back at the base of my wrist. There, they extended up my forearm, a bud or half opened rose popping out between the thorns every now and then. All of that grew and intertwined all the way to my heart where a large blossoming rose lay encased in thorny twines protecting it. That’s who I was, a rose encased deeply in thorns. The thorns that cut and rip into anyone that dared hurt my heart.

 

Rhysand walked back into the room and I looked at him. A small smile broke out on his lips, “I missed seeing that fire glow in your eyes. Try not to douse it out.” I smiled back at him and walked out. I had some dungeons to clean.

 

I had been cleaning the dungeons every day for a week since that night and every day, the human girl had been unconscious laying on a small bale of hay in the corner of the cell. On the first night when I found her, she had been thrown haphazardly on the floor, her left arm pinned beneath her. I lifted her gently and laid her gently on the hay. I healed as much of the bruises and soreness from the Attar’s beating as I could, but I couldn’t heal her broken nose. I was ashamed that I still hadn’t been able to heal other’s wounds yet.

 

Every day that I came to clean the dungeons, I could hear the other people that were being tortured. One day, it had been me that was down there being whipped for healing the human girl. I tried to hold off as long as I could but after the eleventh whip, I couldn’t hold it in and had started screaming. I knew my screams could be heard above by the courts, people had told me I had deserved it for healing the human girl. Rhysand healed the open wounds of the whip, but the scars remained.

 

One day, when I was cleaning the human girl’s cell and replacing the hay, I heard her breathing hitch. I knew she was waking and would soon regain consciousness. I straightened up and looked at her as her eyelashes fluttered and slowly opened.

“You’re awake.” I gasped, slightly breathless at finally getting to meet her. I held out my hand to shake.

She glared at me and spit at my feet. I chuckled and pulled my hand back to myself.

“I tried to make you as comfortable as I could, but I’m afraid there’s only so much comfort hay can offer.”

“You’re… helping me?” Confusion flitted through her. I saw her taking in my appearance, she looked at me head to toe.

I shrugged a shoulder, “I figured you could use some allies down here.”

“And are you? My ally I mean.”

I gave her a friendly smile, “Yeah, I’d like to be.”

“Then tell me, is Tamlin—“

I snorted derisively, this woman would be so much more than Tamlin, than all of us, and yet here she was concerned for the brute that silently stood by and did nothing while she was beaten.

“Forget Tamlin.” She looked taken aback, and seemed to be slightly angry with me. It didn’t matter, I needed her to have her head screwed on straight during her trials. “Your focus should be to completing her tasks or solving the riddle. Your Tamlin will come afterwards.”

She shook her head, “I’m here for him. I’m here because I love him.”

“Maybe you came here for him, but you’re here to do so much more than just free him. I know it.” I offered her a smile and turned to leave the cell. I stopped by the doors and half turned back to her, “I’ll be here everyday to clean the cell.”

 

I knew how Rhysand felt about her, he tried to hide it but I knew him too well, was too close to him to not see the subtle nuances in his behavior. He had an inkling what she was to him, and I knew what he thought. But that wasn’t our focus, and that wouldn’t matter until she was successful in these trials and we were free.

 

I walked to my quarters, and got dressed in my fighting leathers. Strapping my various blades to my calves, thighs, waist, and back, I smiled with feral delight. It was time to go hunting.


	11. Chapter 11: The Hunt

Sneaking out of the mountain wasn’t hard, everyone was too busy gossiping about the mortal girl. No one knew her name, and those who knew weren’t giving it up so she was talk of the mountain. I walked through the cave leading out of the mountain towards the Spring Court, the same path she had used to come in. When I reached the guards that had been placed at the entrance after her arrival, I walked confidently towards them as though I had no where else I should have been. The two ugly Faerie beasts blocked my path with their jarred scythes.

"What business do you have?” One of the beasts spat at me.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter if I tell you the truth or not.” I didn’t have time to waste with pleasantries. I grabbed the shaft of the scythe the beast to the left was holding. I pulled as hard I could, startling him, and when he took a step closer to me, I pushed as hard I could. The beast stumbled back but I used his momentum to position myself between him and the cave wall. Before the other guard could react I stabbed the beast closest to me in the back of the throat and moved behind his body with my knife still in his throat. I shoved his heavy dead body to the cave floor and turned to the other beast. His scythe flew where my head had been a split second before. I blocked his scythe with my left arm and swung my right arm to stab him but my feet flew out under me as he swung his fat leg out. I rolled out of his reach as quick as I could, narrowly missing my gut split open with his scythe. I rolled up on my hunches and waited for him to approach me. He moved towards me, I could tell he was angry, after all I had just killed his buddy. But he was so concentrated on reaching me, he didn’t pay attention to my foot. I stuck my foot out to move the dead beasts scythe in his way and he stumbled forward trying to regain his balance. That split second was all I needed. I jumped up to my full height and swung my knife at the delicate skin exposed between his shoulder and neck. He shrieked but before he could gather any attention from the mountain, I grabbed the scythe out of his hands and cut his head off.

 

It was more bloody than I wanted, this would be harder to cover up. I grabbed his head before it could hit the ground and spill more blood. I had his head tucked under my arm like a helmet and his headless body was leaning on me. He was heavy and if I didn’t act quickly, his deadweight would have me pinned under. I dragged his body and head out of the cave entrance as quickly as I could, a bloody trail in our wake. I shoved him into the bushes, his dead friend joining him seconds later. There was still the matter of the blood already on the cave floor. I had nothing to cover it or clean it up with. All I knew is that I had to act quick or risk being caught.

 

I ran off in to the forest towards the Spring Court. Ever since Tamlin had come Under the Mountain, Eglithe had been infesting this territory. They stayed away before, but now that there is no longer a more fearsome beast to keep them in check, they had dared. I racked my entire brain for that distant conversation I overheard from two members of the Spring Court. They had been talking about an Eglithe that had slipped past their borders and terrorized some of the land before Tamlin defeated it. Remembering as much as I could about them, I set off faster than before.

 

This was a half assed plan. If I failed, or if the information I had from those two random members was wrong, then I was dead. Rolling my shoulders, I vowed to keep my wits about me. I sat on the ground on a small, soft mound of dried leaves, trying my best to make as much noise as possible. Eglithes were blind but all their other senses were sharper than any blade I’ve ever touched. But there was one sure fire way to attract them: fear. For the first time in over fifty years, I let my fear, that I stuffed into a room down in the deep corners of my heart, open the door a tiny crack. I had to be sure of how much leeway I gave my fears. Too little and it wouldn’t serve its purpose; too much and I would be overwhelmed and rendered incapacitated. I thought about how even now, I didn’t know where I had come from. I had just shown up in a beautiful city with no known past. I thought about how everyone I knew or had a semblance of love for was far away in that city guarded under its protective shields while I burned and raged outside their walls. I thought about how much I had faced Under the Mountain and if I was even human enough to step back into that place I had started identifying as home.

 

I was shaken out of my stupor by a rustle behind me. Of course it was behind me, they always were. I cracked my eyes open, everything was blurry. Confused, I rubbed my eyes and found my fingers were wet. Now was _not_ the time. I stood up and turned around to face the Eglithe. I wasn’t completely sure if what I was looking at was an Eglithe as I’d never actually seen one. But the creature that was before me was definitely something that would haunt my dreams for a long time.

 

It was half hidden behind the trees lining the small clearing I sat in. I could only see its right half of the body. The skin was saggy and dark grey as though it no longer had the life to support itself. Its entire skin hung loose on its frame. The robes were hung around its shoulders hanging down to the floor. No— not robes, skin. It was wearing the skin of its hunts. I looked at its face and immediately wished I hadn’t. A dark oval face with skin much like the rest of its body faced me. Its eyes were as large as eggs, white and unseeing. Whether it was to unnerve its victims or it genuinely felt pleasure from the fear that was coating the air, or both, the Eglithe was smiling at me with all its razor sharp teeth on display. I winced, being bit into by that would not be pleasant. Each tooth was a two inches long pinprick, overlapping the teeth on the bottom.

“I could hear your heart.” It hissed at me. For a second, I wasn’t sure if the Eglithe had actually spoken, the sound was resonating throughout the clearing and its origin was difficult to pinpoint.

“Oh, yeah?”I feigned confidence and took a step back.

It’s grin became wider, if that were possible. “They always think they can run.” It’s sharp high voice terrifying, my heart beat faster with each sound it made. But at the same time… I wanted to take a step closer. It felt too easy.

I shook my head to clear it and grinned back.

“I can run, and I bet you can’t catch me.” I turned around and shot off like an arrow. Though I knew it would slow me down, I sent a gust of wind carrying my fear coated scent towards it. I knew the Eglithe smelled it because almost as soon as I sent it, I heard a sharp hiss or it could have been a roar that was lost to the wind. I ran as fast as I could, using my wind to help me move faster and more swift than I had ever managed before. But my scent, I used all my concentration to make sure the trail containing my fear was right in its path. I reached the cave entrance and knew the Eglithe was a few seconds behind me. I had to move quickly.

 

I dragged the two dead bodies of the Faerie guards and placed them in a heap in the center before running to Under the Mountain. The guards would stall the Eglithe but not for long. That was fine with me, more than fine. Perfect.

_Rhys!_

_Rose? Is everything okay?_ I could hear the panic lacing his thoughts.

 _Brace yourself!_ I raced to the throne room. Stopping myself before actually coming into view. I took a second to compose myself, fixed my hair so it wasn’t disheveled.

I slipped into the throne room, and patrolled the edge of the room as I had been every day for the last fifty years. Rhys was standing in the back corner of the room. Catching his eye, I walked over to him when the entire room went dark. It was as though the night, the darkness under the deepest darkest depths of the ocean filled the room. Cold, piercing, and immortal. There were several shrieks resounding in the room when I felt it. That sucking feeling, as though all the air in the room, in my lungs, had been sucked out. And just as quickly, it disappeared.

Around Rhys and me, there was a barrier. We were still in the night as the rest of the members in the room were but the darkness we were engulfed in was of different origin. It was the warm night by the riverside, with a soft jasmine scent. It was the night Rhys had laid out for us, mimicking the darkness the rest of the throne room was in.

I could feel what everyone was doing: Amarantha was sitting on her throne looking around, her face was pale and fear stricken. Tamlin was beside her, but standing. He was looking around and transforming into his beast form. All the court members was shrieking, crying, or grasping their heads in their hands. The Eglithe was inside. And it was ready to feast.

I felt the first Faerie killed by the Eglithe, but I held only a small amount of pity. It was one of Amarantha’s beasts that guarded the entrance to the room. As heinous as the beast was, the Eaglithe was worse.

Rhys took a step forward but I shook my head.

 _It has to be him._ Rhys nodded. His face was a calm composure but his eyes sparkled. We knew this plan would work!

 

A growl ripped through the throne room and the walls shook. I grinned triumphantly and looked over to the dais. Rage rippled off him, I looked to see if Rhys felt it, and I knew he did, but it wasn’t in the same way I felt Tamlin’s rage. The air rippled around him, sending waves back to me. Talking to me. I could feel him moving through the misty darkness towards the Eglithe. I felt him fighting it until he was able to successfully grip its head with his claws and tear it off its derelict body. Felt it, and then saw it as the cold darkness was sucked back into the Eglithe.

 

The room was lit once more, Rhys and I masked our faces pale and fearful before anyone could notice. Everyone in the room slowly got up from the floor where they were crouched, crying. Their faces were still pale but they looked to Tamlin with awe and reverance. He had saved them all from certain doom. He was a strong leader they could turn to, while — .

I looked to Amarantha and absoarbed in her paler-than-usual face, her eyes wide with fear, mouth slightly gape with a shriek that was yet to form. Looked at her sitting in her throne, gripping the chair while people were being tormented. While _her_ people were being tormented.

People slowly started filing out of the room, scared and wanting to get away from the source. I didn’t move even though Rhys was waiting for me. I wanted to take in this Amarantha as much as I could. She slowly moved her head to face me. We started at each other, both unmoving and unwilling. She knew—deep in her gut she knew, whether it was because the fiery gold in my eyes were alit or because of the triumph I felt, I wasn’t sure. But she knew that it was only a matter of time.


	12. Chapter 12: Let the Trials Begin!

“Feyre”

“What?” I looked to Rhys. We were sitting in his bedroom, I was working on a letter to one of the Courts at his desk, while he was sitting on his bed, presumably scheming.

Rhys was sitting on bed, his eyes looking at something far away. “Her name.” he looked to me and sounded her name, “Fey-ruh.”

Feyre. She had given her name in return for Lucien’s life. Foolish girl. Brave, but foolish. Amarantha would never kill Lucien, she would lose any chances with Tamlin if she killed him. Still, I couldn’t help the wide grin that sprung itself on my face. He liked her, and seeing him like this, seeing the small glimmer of hope glow in his eyes when we were in a world of despair. I just hoped he could keep it hidden from Amarantha and not do anything impulsive.

 

“Alright, while you sit here mumbling her name like a babbling smitten boy, I’m going to go clean out the dungeons.” I gave him a pointed look.

“Prepare her, however you can.” I nodded and walked out of the room, heading for the my daily time with Feyre.

 

“How’re you doing, Feyre?” I asked her as I walked in smiling. I held out a piece of bread, some cheese, and a fruit that I’d swiped from the kitchens on my way down.

She glowered at me, “How do you think?” I settled down on the cell next to where she was sitting by the hay as she opened the cloth and started munching on the food. “Every time I think too much about the riddle, my head hurts.”

“Don’t worry about the riddle for now, focus on the trial for tomorrow.”

“Do you know what it is?” I groaned.

“I do, but Amarantha prohibited us from telling you anything about it.”

She spat on the floor of the cell, hate rippling off her. “Of course she did.”

“Just be on your guard. Amarantha told me I can’t tell you what it is, but she never said I couldn’t help you in any way I can. Well, she did but I think I have a work around for that.” I smiled at her and grasped her arm gently. “We believe in you.”

As I got up to leave the cell, she called out, “We? Who’s we?”

I looked over my shoulder and gave her a sly smile and winked.

 

She hated Rhys, and though he was trying to help her, he was in the middle of his own scheming. Tamlin was useless for the time being and Lucien was on a short, tight leash. I vowed to be there for her in whatever way I could. I knew how damning this place was and especially if she was our only chance of defeating Amarantha, then all the more reason to help her.

 

The day of the first trial came and every one was called to the throne room a few hours before Feyre would be brought in. Festivities, Amarantha called it, as though this was a party and Feyre was the entertainment. I supposed she was in a way. All the Faeries were invited to participate in a bet, gambling money to see how long she would last. When the paper was passed to me, I noticed that Rhys had put down money in favor of Feyre. I smiled inwardly. But that was quickly wiped off when I realized I had no money. I wasn’t much in favor of gambling anyways, but that reminder that I had nothing to my name still caught my breath for a second. When we were free, I had nothing. I quickly passed the piece of paper to the male next to me, who had grown impatient with me for taking so long.

 

Clearing my throat, I brushed invisible dust off my fighting leathers and made my way towards the platform where Feyre would be brought up soon. I looked down at the tunnels and trenches below where Feyre would complete her first trial. As I was looking through the tunnels to get a good idea of where she might need help, I heard the crowd start jeering and booing. I looked over to my left and saw her being escorted in. She was wide eyed and looking around, taking all of the arena in. I masked my face into cool indifference and walked over to Amarantha so that I was guarding at the foot of the platform that her and Tamlin were situated on.

 

After Amarantha introduced Feyre to her task, well taunted, not really introduced, Feyre was shoved into the trenches by the Attor. He suddenly grabbed her and set her down in the labyrinth and flew back up. It was a sick joke, meant to disarm her and start the crowd’s jeering. When he reached our level, I started send a sharp gust of freezing wind at his wings —

 _Pick your battles. Focus on Feyre for now._ I nodded and turned my attention back to Feyre. I didn’t miss the way his voice lightened whenever he said her name.

I straightened when Amarantha’s voice boomed behind me, “Rhysand tells me you’re a huntress, hunt this.” Feyre prepared herself for what she was about to face; Rhys prepared himself for what he was about to witness; I prepared myself for what I had to release.

“Release it.” She called out loud for the whole arena to hear, but she was talking to me. I extended my right arm, palm facing forward and arm slowly raising. I pushed up the grate that was holding back the Middengard wyrm. I felt the creature pushing against the grate, against my hard air barrier. Trying to give Feyre as much time as I could to figure it out, I slowly released the wyrm. The wyrm was racing towards Feyre, her scent as bright a beacon as could be. I tried slowing it down using wind and the mud on the ground, but I couldn’t slow it down too much. Otherwise Amarantha would notice.

“Run,” she whispered behind me. I braced myself, my whole body taut with apprehension. Beside me, I felt Rhys tighten. All around us, people were jeering and laughing as Feyre ran. Some Faeries were mocking how the wyrm would eat Feyre, and as the wyrm slithered closest to them, I sent some mud splattering at them all.

 

Feyre ran through the labyrinth, trying to keep as much distance between her and the wyrm as possible. I saw the spark in her eyes as she realized the wyrm was blind. I looked over at Rhys and noticed his eyes were as bright as the stars in the night sky.

Amarantha called out that Feyre was ruining everyones fun, but no one paid any attention to her. She wasn’t the center of attention and I could tell she was getting annoyed at that. Her snide comments didn’t make her snarky, at this moment she was just a nuisance that was distracting the Faeries from the real show.

 

Feyre rubbed mud all over her, smart girl. A green faerie was whining besides Rhys, complaining about what Feyre was doing.

“She’s building a trap.” Rhysand’s deep voice rang out through the arena.

“But the Middengard—“

“Relies on its scent to see,” Feyre glowered at him but I saw what she missed. She thought he was mocking her, joining the crowd and condescending her, but I could hear what everyone missed, lacing his voice. Pride. “And Feyre just became invisible.” He was smiling. At that, Feyre flipped him off and ran towards the wyrm.

 

She did it. She killed the Middengard wyrm. Rhys and I looked at her, awe and pride glimmering in our eyes but we were careful to keep it at bay.

“Well, I suppose anyone could have done that.” Amarantha smirked.

Feyre grabbed her bone tighter in her grip and ran towards Amarantha and launched it as though it were a javelin. I watched in awe as the bone swung through the air and embedded itself by Amarantha’s feet, to my left. Mud splattered around it, staining Amarantha’s dress. She smiled as though she enjoyed the challenge Feyre proposed her, but I saw the rage beneath that mask. It was brewing as a storm and if she didn’t reign it in, she’d lose the respect of the everyone in the room for losing her cool over a mere mortal.

“Naughty.” Were it anyone, I would’ve been punished for not doing my duty and protecting her, but her pride would save me. After all, who would think that the Mighty Amarantha would need protection from a mere mortal play thing?

 

I watched as she picked up the paper with all the bets placed on it.

"I suppose you’ll be happy to learn most of my court lost a good deal of money tonight.” I chuckled, and glanced at Feyre. Rhys had been staring at her as though he couldn’t bear to tear his eyes away from her, as though he was absorbing as much of this as he could. Pride, happiness, something I can’t quite place laced his face. That’s when I realized, Feyre meant something more to him than just a chance at freedom.

“— and just one person said you would win.” I scoffed, three guesses who.

“Take her away. I tire of her mundane face.” She waved her perfectly manicured face, and I braced myself for what would happen next. “Rhysand, come here.”

I didn’t pay attention to Feyre anymore, I would visit her later. My attention was pinned on Rhys. He bowed at the waist and placed his hands gracefully in his pockets and faced her, unflinching and unwavering.

“Your choice in gambling is quite… intriguing.” Her lips were spread in a smile, showing her radiant teeth.

“It was a decision made on a whim. One meant to jest. Who would be foolish enough to dare your might, Lady?” A small sensual smile played at his lips.

Her saccharine smile turned poisoned. “I’ve never known you to act on whim, Rhysand. Why don’t you wait in my rooms for me ? We’ll see just how whimsical you can be?”

His smile sat unwavering but I noticed his jaw flicker as he turned around and strode out of the throne room. I didn’t bother bowing to her as I followed Rhys out.

 

We didn’t talk as we walked down the hallways. When it came to the path where we would split off, I placed a barrier of hard air around and faced Rhys.

“She did it!” Despite myself, I smiled. “I’ll help her as best as I can but I’m not sure if I can heal her.”

He nodded at me, his face lighter than I’ve seen before. It didn’t matter that Amarantha was going to force him to satisfy her, Feyre had won and she had defied her in the most spectacular of ways. “Try. If you can’t, let me know.” With that, he turned around and started walking towards Amarantha’s quarters, his head held high. Try as she might, but Amarantha knew that tonight, we were triumphant.

 

When I reached the dungeons, Feyre was passed out, presumably from the pain of her broken arm. It looked worse down here than when I last saw it in the arena. I placed my hand over her arm and closed my eyes, concentrating on the life pulsating from her. I felt all her aches and pains and gritted my teeth at the pain in her arm. I tried pulling that pain radiating from her arm towards me, imagining it leaving her arm in slow waves, healing and knitting itself in its wake. I could feel the pain radiating in my own arm as though it were split wide open and that pain slowly dulled to a distant throb. I opened my eyes, hopeful that I’d finally healed someone else and instantly sat back on the ground disappointed. Her arm was still broken and the bone was sitting jutting out. At least I’d taken the pain out as much as I could, and healed the rest of her body of its aches and cuts. I left the small cloth of bread, cheese, and some meat the cook was carving up for the feast we would have tonight. This should help supply her with energy, and I would bring back some more tomorrow as well.

 

After Rhy’s defiance during the first trial, Amarantha wasn’t very forgiving with him. And whenever she was upset with him, she took it out on me as well. I was sent to Samson every night since the first trial and during the days she had me sent out on various excursions, all of which involved me executing someone. I knew each day chipped away at my patience, I needed to be here where we finally had a fighting chance against her tyranny and the malicious bitch knew. After a few nights, Rhys told me he had made a bargain with Feyre, giving her his help and healing services in return for her spending a week every month for the rest of her life with him. I could tell what that meant to him, the prospect of getting to know her more and spending time with her, even if she did loathe him. Feyre had her own set of tattoos on her left arm from the bargain, Rhys’s own way of wishing her luck and glory in the trials to come. He’d told me that was an Illyrian tradition.

 

“So what’s she like?” I nudged him with my shoulder. We were sitting in his room during a rare moment of rest.

“You’ve met her, don’t you know what she’s like? Are you that thick-headed?” Rhys glowered, actually glowered like a school boy being asked about his crush. I chuckled.

“I know, you bastard, I meant tell me about how she was when you bargained with her?”

Rhys picked at an invisible thread on his bed sheets, “She’s stubborn. Too damn stubborn for her own good.” He’d said it reproachfully but he carried a small prideful smile.

“I like a headstrong girl. She’ll fit in well with us.”Rhys’s mood turned sour quicker than I’d been able keep up.

“Don’t you have something you need to do elsewhere?”

“What’s got your knickers in a bunch?” He growled at me. “What?” I was confused, had I said something I shouldn’t have?

“Don’t you realize? She won’t be with us. She’s with Tamlin, she’s in love with him.”

Realization dawned on me, and I let out a slow breath. Quietly, I turned to him. “I know she’s with Tamlin, and I respect her decision as stupid as it is, but you know according to your bargain she’s going to come over every month.”

“And how long do you actually think that’s going to last?” I could tell he was in one of _those_ moods.

“It’ll last as long as it does, but I have a feeling that she’s one of us. She’ll be a part of our family, Rhys.”

I smiled and walked to his desk shuffling some letters, I had been staying in correspondence with some of the other court members, the sensible ones. Rhys and I wanted to be prepared for when we were free and on the path to rebuilding.

“Our family?” I froze. My heart was beating faster and I felt more self conscious than I’ve ever felt. _Stupid. Stupid girl!_

“I just meant… your… not like _our_ family, per se… just…” I stuttered, unable to finish a though and becoming increasingly aware of how stupid I sounded.

“You are part of our family, Rose.” I flinched at how soft his voice was, as though I was a doe that would sprint off at the slightest noise. He didn’t have to specify who ‘our’ meant. I knew.

I shook my head, still turned away out of embarrassment at my slip up. I heard him shift on the bed into a sitting position, facing me.

“After everything that’s happened, I consider you a part of my family.” He voice still just as gentle. I didn’t want pity, I didn’t want to offered because I had presumed and he felt obligated. And I let him know that.

“It’s not pity, it will never be pity.” I still couldn’t face him. “It’s trust, and love.”

I was too aware of the silent tears dripping down my cheeks. Family. I’ve never had one before, hadn’t even realized I’d wanted one. I nodded and wiped at my face.

“I think of you as my family too,” My voice was thick, “like my brother.” I heard him suck in a quick breath. Coward. I was still too much of a coward to turn around and face him, face the prospect of rejection.

“Rose,” I slowly turned around at my name, unable to quite meet his eyes. “I’d be honored to be considered as your brother.”

I knew what it meant for him to say that, what he had lost. Still, I couldn’t stop the small smile that broke free. Assuming liberty that I did not have until now, I walked over and hugged Rhysand. Just like that, I had someone I could call family.


	13. Chapter 13: Frivolity

Amarantha toyed with her as much as she could with meaningless chores that were always stacked against Feyre. I tried to help whenever I could, but there were times when I was away or unable to help. This continued and took its toll on Feyre until Rhysand Glamoured the guards that if they gave her meaningless chores, touched her, or hurt her, they were to gut themselves. It was pretty effective, though I think it shook Feyre a bit. But whenever I visited her, her spirit seemed to growing ever so slightly.

 

We were getting prepared for a Midsummer party that Amarantha was throwing, a frivolous thing that she liked to use to flaunt her powers. It was especially important this year because of the Eglithe that had showed the court just how weak and powerless she was and because of the defiance that Feyre had been showing her. Rhys, as he usually does, wanted to make a statement with Feyre tonight.

 

He had Nuala and Cerridwen get her from her cell and get her ready for the party in my quarters. I stepped out of the shower ready to dress myself when I found her in my bedroom in front of the dresser looking for all the world as though she was being tortured. Nuala and Cerridwen were drawing whorls and vines all over her body with paint brushes. I walked in, my body wrapped in a towel and my hair damp from the shower. When she caught sight of me, her eyes flared wide in surprise.

“Are you behind this?” She sounded as though she wanted to strangle me.

I chuckled, “No, but it definitely looks like you’re having lots of fun.”

“Don’t start.” She turned to face me fully and Nuala and Cerridwen didn’t object. They just started working around her. “What’s happening?”

“Ah, about that…” I scratched the back of my neck uncomfortably. Rhys and Feyre had a bargain and well, this was between them. “You’ll find out in time.” I smiled at her sheepishly and ducked into my closet to get my own outfit for the party. Once she sees the outfit Rhys has picked for her, I don’t think I want to be there for that.

 

Rhys wanted us to be a statement of scorn. Feyre, the proud, sensual, defiant mortal standing enthralled beside the most powerful and fearsome High Lord of all time. My role had been his ruthless executor and protector. Now, I was also Feyre’s. In compliance for this, my outfit was the same as it almost always was, with a slight variation. I had my all black fighting leathers on, various knives and blades strapped across my body. The neck of the leathers came up to my chin, and I had kept my hair free, unbound. Its black and dark brown waves were cascading down to my waist blending in with the leathers. I didn’t bother with makeup and jewelry. The variation to my fighting leathers were that my left arm, all the way to my heart but still covering my breast, was made with a chiffon, see-through material. I wanted my tattoo on full display to show my loyalty to Rhys, to the future Feyre might bring us.

 

I finished dressing in the closet and walked out to my bedroom and stopped short when I saw Feyre. She looked positively murderous. I chuckled to myself, Rhys was going to get his ass handed to him.

“Something funny?” She looked at me darkly and I held up my hands in mock surrender.

“Oh, I wouldn’t dare pick a fight with you.” I smirked at her and sat on my bed, waiting for Nuala and Cerridwen to finish. Rhys was to meet us here. I laid back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I wanted to say something to Feyre, but the words just couldn’t form in my mouth.

 

“I wouldn’t do that.” I rolled my eyes. Rhys was standing at the entrance, leaning against the frame, oozing cool calm.

“Our bargain hasn’t started yet.” Feyre snapped. I smiled and quickly wiped it off when Rhys threw me a look. She had a fiery spark in her and whenever she was with Rhys, it flared.

“Ah, but I need an escort for the party.” He had that mischievous smirk that I always ran from.“And when I thought of you squatting in that cell all night, alone …”

“You really know how to woo people. Really, it’s amazing how women don’t just throw themselves at your feet.” I groaned, sliding off the bed and walking over to him.

He gave me a dark look and I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation and walked away. I knew when I was not wanted.

 

The three of us walked to the party. Feyre and Rhys were in front, Feyre’s gown billowing behind her. They looked like wisps of smoke bouncing off her body and to add to the effect, I had embers sparking in our footsteps, leaving a glowing trail. I could tell she was freezing cold and I surrounded her with some of that warm fire that burst through my veins. She was already uncomfortable, no point in keeping her cold as well.

I saw her footsteps falter when we approached the throne room and I understood why. This was the room she had seen Clare in and had been beaten to unconsciousness.

 

Rhys walked us over to the Amarantha and we both bowed and wished her Merry Midsummer. She did not celebrate it personally but kept up appearances. After I had wished her, I remained behind Rhys and Feyre, half listening to the conversation and half taking in my surroundings. I spotted some of the High Lords and High Fae socializing and drinking scattered around the room and took note of who was here, what they were doing, who they were talking to. This was valuable information we would need when building alliances after Amarantha was defeated.

 

We were walking to the food table when I realized with a jolt, I had been considering our freedom as a matter of when. I wasn’t sure at what point I had stopped referring to it as a matter of ‘if’ and started referring to it as ‘when’. My heart started beating a little bit faster and Rhys looked to me with an eyebrow raised, a glass of wine in his hand and another in Feyre’s. I shook my head at him, a small smile playing at my lips. I didn’t bother drinking wine, and refused to a glass when Rhys offered. A few minutes later Rhys and Feyre sauntered off, the latter incredibly drunk. She wouldn’t remember anything tomorrow, and maybe that was the mercy Rhys could offer her.

 

Twenty minutes later, I stood still as a statue by the back corner watching everyone. Helion, the High Lord of the Day Court, prowled over to my corner of the room. A glass of wine that was filled almost to the brim was clutched in his hand, the other hand contained a glass of wine that was filled to the middle mark. I raised my gaze from the glasses of wine to the rest of his arms, strong bronze colored arms, one of which had his signature golden cuff.

I quirked my eyebrow, “Are you trying to get me drunk, High Lord?” Of all the other High Lords, I liked Helion the most. He was the most natural if that was how I could describe him. He understood Rhys’s and my games, understood and trusted us all the same. And not to mention Rhys trusted him.

He gave me a confident, charming smirk. “This is for me, Rose. _This_ is for you.” He extended the glass with the normal amount of wine to me.

“I’m not drinking tonight.” I didn’t want to be rude, so I gave him a small smile.

“Worried it might hinder what you’re planning?”

I stilled.

Careful. He was still a High Lord, even if we were on good terms.

“Whatever do you mean, High Lord?” I didn’t dare glance at him. “I am merely keeping vigil for the Lady of the Mountain.”

“Aw Rose,” His voice a gentle purr of a lion. I couldn’t help but look up at him and stood transfixed by his eyes, so similar to my own, yet so different. His were amber, striking and glowing, through and through. Mine were the amber of a dancing fire. “Will you still keep up these pretenses?”

I understood what he implied. Would I still lie, scheme, and deceive when we were free of this hell?

I opened my mouth to respond but I couldn’t form the words. I wasn’t even sure I could breathe. He lowered his head until his breath clouded my own, until our noses were almost touching.

“When we’re out of here, why don’t you come to my Court and we’ll figure out just exactly what you are?” His gaze lingered on my lips as he flicked my chin with the his index finger. And just like that, the warmth was gone replaced by a cool indifference.

He stood straight and prideful. After giving me a curt nod, he disappeared into the crowd of the party.

 

After a quick look around the room, I realized Rhys and Feyre were gone. When they were nowhere to be seen in the throne room, I took the liberty to leave the party and headed to his rooms. Normally I would take Amarantha’s permission before daring to leave her party but I had long since stopped bothering. I didn’t knock on the door when I arrived at Rhys’s rooms, instead I just breezed into the door pushing them open with a gust of wind.

“So dramatic. Don’t you ever knock?” He scowled at me. I stood in the entrance of the room and took his appearance in. His hair was standing up on odds and ends, he had been running his hands through it. His pale face had a red flush, he had been drinking, profusely.

“How drunk are you?” I asked, striding into his bedroom, past him, and sat down on his bed.

“Not drunk enough to miss Helion talking to you.” He quirked an eyebrow, “And definitely not drunk enough to miss the moment between you two.”

I scoffed, taking off my boots and kicking them off towards the door. “There was no moment. And any moment there could have been was spoiled by his cryptic words.”

“What’d he say?” Rhys sobered up at this.

“He said…” I stared up at the ceiling in confusion, trying to make sense of what Helion said to me. “He said, when we’re out of here, I should come to the Day Court so that we can figure what I am.”

I was looking down at my wringing hands. The bed shifted beside me with the new addition of weight. “Your powers are not like the others in Prythian.”

“I can wield fire, earth, water, air. Just like the other High Lords.” I mumbled.

“And yet your powers are nothing like theirs.” Whenever I thought about this, I was reminded just how alone I really was.

“How’s Feyre?” I glanced up at him, trying to change the topic. He gaze turned dark as soon as I mentioned it and I knew I shouldn’t have.

“I sent her back to her cell. She was passing out.”

I nodded, “I’ll go in the morning and help her out.” I patted Rhys on his knee and smiled at him. “Why don’t you go to bed? I’ll head out.”

Rhys shook his head, ever so slightly. “I can’t. I’m to go to her rooms.” I didn’t say anything, I didn’t even breathe. “I don’t think she’s too pleased about my bargain with Feyre.”

I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. “Fuck her. We’ll end this as soon as we can. And not a moment later.” When I opened my eyes, Rhys was gone.

 

I didn’t bother going to my rooms that night, I changed and slept there waiting to make sure Rhys got back okay. He never came.


	14. Chapter 14: A Muted Summer

“The summer lordling tried to escape through the exit to the Spring Court lands.” Amarantha had one of the Summer Court Lords on the floor in front of her. He was sobbing uncontrollably. “I want to know why.”

I was standing next to her and could feel her anger radiating out of her, seeping into me. I could feel his utter terror screaming into me. Tarquin stood beside me and I could feel the resignation, the fear in him. There was nothing I could say or do to comfort him. I felt like a sponge, taking in each and everyone’s emotions, but unable to give anything back.

A high member of his court was found trying to sneak out of Under the Mountain when he had not been given permission to leave. Amarantha had murdered for a lot less. But she didn’t have murder in mind. She wanted to know what he was doing, what he was thinking. And for that I was useless, at least to the extent that she knew.

 

Rhys joined us and I knew Feyre was with him here as she was every night. I wanted to shout at him, how could you bring her here. But we both knew she had to witness this. She had to know what kind of monster we were being controlled by. The Summer lord begged Rhys, he was afraid but he wasn’t begging to be let go. He was asking for Rhys’s mercy, for swift release.

“He wanted to escape. To get to the Spring Court, cross the wall, and flee south into human territory. He had no accomplices, no motive beyond his own pathetic cowardice.” I knew that wasn’t the entire truth. Rhys was sparing the Summer Court’s High Lord. He was different from the others before. I looked towards him, at his dark skin, silver white hair, and piercing blue eyes. We’d talked before, secretly. Talked about the our plans for the new world after Amarantha. But in that moment, I felt this faith waiver. I knew Rhys wouldn’t sell him out.

 

Rhys killed the Summer Lord that tried to escape, much to Amarantha’s irritation. She wanted to make the Summer Court pay however they could for whatever they could. Afterwards, Rhys stalked to the wine table and drank all the wine in his goblet and I saw him giving Feyre her own goblet to do the same. The only way to cope or forget what we were dealing with. Everyone else dispersed and Tarquin was left alone to clean up the body of his Court member in shame. His own people forbidden to help him.

 

I moved next to Tarquin and bent down to help him raise the body of the Summer Lord. He turned to me and looked at me with the piercing gaze, unwavering but resigned. He was too tired to play games and too tired to figure out mine. I didn’t bother responding to him. I looked towards my right, to Amarantha, and looked into her eyes for a few seconds, unblinking. And then turned back to help Tarquin raise the body and carry him out of the throne room.

 

“You don’t have to do this.” His voice was lifeless. Once it sounded like the ocean on a summer day, now it had lost its life and luster.

“I want to, Tarquin.” I know I should address him as High Lord, but we had been tentative friends. He didn’t trust me entirely but didn’t distrust me either. “Where do we go?”

“To the Summer Court. He shall be released to the ocean so he can be in his home.” I nodded.

Tarquin winnowed us to Adriata, one of the cities of the Summer Court. The city was in ruins and the few people there were afraid to come close to us. They recognized Tarquin and was familiar with him but I was there, and they were all afraid of me.

We couldn’t hold a proper Summer Court farewell, so instead Tarquin took his body from me and carried the body to the docks and laid him on the wooden floor. I gently lowered the body into the ocean, pushing the air around his body to move it into the ocean and was about to push the ocean waves so that the body would be carried out when Tarquin stopped me.

“Don’t.” His gaze never leaving the Summer Lord’s body. “He’s part of the ocean now and it will decide what to do with him.”

We stood there for about fifteen minutes in absolute silence. I wanted to test my powers against the ocean but it would have been inappropriate and I hated to admit it but I feared the ocean. It was vast and restless, ready to claim victims at a whim. Well to be honest, I had never been in the ocean. But I had read about them and my imagination filled in the rest quite thoroughly.

Shaking myself out of my stupor, I looked up to Tarquin and found him looking back down at me.

“What are you thinking?”

I owed him nothing and yet he had asked kindly with no presumptions and I had nothing else to give. “I am thinking that the ocean is vast and scary.”

“The ruthless, termagant executor is afraid of the ocean?”

I cut him a cold glare, and he gave me a small friendly smile in return.

 

It was the day of Feyre’s second task and everyone in the court was buzzing with anticipation. If she succeeded this trial, she would just have one more trial left to defeat Amarantha.

The Attor brought in Feyre and she stood a few feet away from me looking at Amarantha with all the contempt she could muster.

“Well, Feyre, your second trial has come.” I shifted on my feet as the Attar’s tail swished by my feet. “Have you solved my riddle yet?”

She hadn’t but Rhys and I had. I tried to help her and give her hints but Amarantha’s order gave no leeway.

Feyre didn’t respond.

“Too bad but I’m feeling generous tonight.” I could feel her pouting behind me. I could feel what everyone was doing and feeling in this entire room. I could feel the drop of sweat that rolled down Feyre’s back. “How about a little practice?”

Everyone waited expectantly but Feyre was staring at Tamlin, and Tamlin staring back. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. As much as I wanted to gag, I understood that this small moment they shared defied Amarantha in their own way.

“Begin.” Amarantha barked. I lowered the platform Feyre was on, but as slowly as I could. Moments have their power, their own message. And I wanted this moment that Feyre and Tamlin shared to be a big ‘fuck you’ to Amarantha.

 

Feyre turned and noticed Lucien chained to the other half of the room they were in. Amarantha had me torture him and rough him up before placing him in there. Lucien knew I wouldn’t hurt him, when he was innocent, of my own accord, but at the same time I felt the disgust rolling deep inside him whenever he looked at me.

 

Amarantha was explaining the rules of the second trial to Feyre but I wasn’t entirely sure she was even listening. Feyre was taking in the chamber and trying to get to Lucien. The spikes that would impale Lucien as I lowered the ceiling towards him started glowing bright red when I made them hot. It was the added torture Amarantha wanted me to include for Lucien’s death. I moved the ceiling towards him as slowly as I could once the trial started.

I could tell Feyre was trying to read the message but the way her face scrunched, her breathing quickened… She can’t read, I realized with aquick jolt. Glancing at Rhys, I slipped into her mind and tried to read the riddle out for her but my throat started constricting. The order. Amarantha had ordered us to not help her. I gasped as air filled my lungs and my throat expanded when I stopped trying to read the riddle out to her. No one noticed, except Rhys.

_What did you do?_

_I didn’t do anything, prick! Help her._

_She can do this, the riddle is not so complicated and hopefully she not so stupid._

_Rhys, she can’t read._

Rhys quirked an eyebrow and I knew he would help. I knew he was in her mind, reading her thoughts. But we weren’t able to give her the answer or read the riddle out to her. So it would have to be through his bargain.

“Something the matter?” Amarantha questioned. Even though Tamlin and Lucien would be the only ones privy to that knowledge and they wouldn’t give it up, she knew Feyre couldn’t read. She had intended this trial to test the intelligence of humans.

 

I tried slowing down the ceiling as much as I could, but there was only so much I could do with Amarantha’s order controlling my actions.

“Answer it!” Lucien’s strained voice called out to her. I could feel the heat rippling into his skin. Though I knew he could heal, I absorbed some of his heat and placed a barrier around him so the heat wouldn’t affect him.

Feyre was panicking, I could feel her panic radiating off of her, just as I could feel Lucien’s trepidation seeping off of him.

“Just pick one!” Lucien screamed. There wasn’t much I could do to help and I knew Rhys was trying to help her solve the riddle.

In the entire room, Lucien and Feyre were the only ones that were hysterical. Everyone else was either laughing or quietly watching. Rhys wore a mask of boredom but I knew he was helping Feyre.

Whatever Rhys did, Feyre pulled the correct lever and I stopped the ceiling and pushed it away from Lucien as far as I could and sent a breeze of cool wind towards him. He was still panting and laying in the chamber.

 

Feyre looked like she was going to crumple to the floor in hysterics but suddenly, drew herself straight and proud and stared at Amarantha for ten seconds. No tears, no hysterics, just cool defiance. And walked out of the room. I followed her, felt the air ripple off of her and report back to me. I felt her walk down the corridor, past the kitchens, down and down the stairs and enter her cell. There I felt her fall apart. I pulled myself back to this room. No one had bothered to unchain Lucien. I waved a hand and his chains glowed a bright red but I knew they were not hurting him. And they shattered when I froze them. I did not move from my position next to Amarantha as Lucien shoved off the remnants of the chain and stumbled out of the chamber.

 

Amarantha was quiet. Everyone was quiet. No one wanted to make a sound and face her wrath. I stood by her side, looking at her, watching her stare at the spot Feyre had been as if she was imagining ripping her apart. I supposed she was.

“Leave.” That one word though spoken quietly, rang through the entire room. People began filing out. When Rhys and I moved to leave, she stopped us.

“Not you two.”

We moved to stand in front of the dais and looked at her, waiting. An hour passed by, two, and we were still standing there. She had been looking at us with icy cold wrath and I could see her scheming, raging. But we didn’t speak, nor did any one of us make a noise. After about three hours had passed, she got up, and left the chamber.

 

I exhaled the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Rhys left just as quietly. We both knew that we had come as close as we had ever been to death by her hands. Through whatever source, she knew Feyre couldn’t read and yet she had successfully solved her riddle. And her wrath would only increase ten folds by the next trial.


	15. Chapter 15: Shattered

I went to visit Feyre as much as I could in the days after the second trial but I don’t think she remembered much of them. Some part of her had been cracked. But what she didn’t realize is that these trials were never designed to be able to successfully complete them alone.

 

“You can’t just keep drinking wine,” I crossed my arms, “you have to eat too.”

Feyre didn’t respond. She didn’t even bother looking up at me. I sat down next to her in her cell.

I sighed, neither of us talking for a while.

“I’m not going to be able to come tomorrow.” I said, my voice emotionless. This caught her attention. Whether she talked to me or not, I had showed up here everyday.

“Why not?” The first words she’s said in days.

“She’s got me running errands for her.” I didn’t look up at her even though I could feel her eyes on me. We both went back to our silence. “Anyway, I came to tell you that I’ll… miss you and I’ll see you when I’m back.” I attempted as best as I can at a smile. “Well, see you.”

Feyre didn’t bother looking up but I knew she heard.

 

 

I stood on the edge of the cliff. The wind was raging here. My hair was whipping around behind me dancing in the wind. I closed my eyes and lifted my chin up and let myself get lost in the air, imagining that I was flying through the air. It was a rare moment of peace and calm, yet I could feel the wind soaring in my heart. It sung to me a melodious tune. I didn’t have to strain to hear the drum beat in the wind, telling a tale of strength, resilience, and a new hope.

 

Behind me, I heard footsteps, hooves thudding in the ground. I didn’t bother turning around to know it was Arkan. I could hear his snorting breath, and feel his potbelly straining against his armor. I stood silently as he came up beside me, looking out over the cliff towards the grey ocean.

“I don’t know how the King of Hybern conducts his court, but here we value punctuality Arkan.” I turned to him, my face stony, and I let him understand the threat in my voice.

He cleared his throat. “I have diplomatic immunity. Any action against me is an action against the King.”

“So you would like others to believe. But you and I both know you are just a servant that can be replaced quicker than you can spit.” I snapped my fingers impatiently. “I don’t have time for your rabble.”

“Lady Amarantha would like to request the King of Hybern to ready his army. She is preparing to make a move towards the mortal lands.” The words tasted like ash in my mouth.

“She does not command the King. Or have you been inside that desolate mountain for so long that your brain’s degraded.”

I clenched my fist as soon as the last word left his mouth. Arkan made a choking noise and grabbed at his throat. I gave him a sly smile.

“I could do it you know. Drop you dead right here and burn your body to ashes and let it fly into the ocean.” His pink face started turning purple and his snout gasping for air. He was close to fainting, I could feel it, and he dropped to his knees. I released my fist and he took a large gasp of air. “Next time, mind your manners.”

I looked down at him, this time icy wrath coating my expression. “Tell the King to prepare his army. And let the Attor know when it’s done.”

I turned around and walked away without waiting for a response.

 

I laid in Samson’s bed staring at the ceiling above me. He had fallen asleep, exhausted, and was snoring beside me. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, I was still conscious by the time he had finished. Maybe he was losing his taste for violence since tonight wasn’t as bad as it usually got. But I didn’t let myself linger on that for too long, he had done this before to get me into a false sense of security. Then just when I thought we had reached a place where I think I could survive and not lose my mind, he would shatter that and make it worse than ever. There had been times when I wouldn’t wake for days and Rhysand, Nuala, and Cerridwen would be working to heal me. Even then I wouldn’t be fully healed. I turned my head and looked at the back of his head, silent tears slipping down my face. I wished I could kill him, right here, right now.

 

 

It had been a few days since that meeting with Arkan and since then Nuala and Cerridwen reported that Arkan had met with the Attor. But we didn’t dwell on it too long, if Feyre could finish the last trial, which was fast approaching the next day, Amarantha would lose and what the King of Hybern wanted to do was between them. Though I imagined he wouldn’t be as forgiving if she cost him any more victories.

 

I was dressed in my usual fighting leathers with all my weapons strapped to me and stood in the back, watching, observing. I looked around for Feyre and Rhys. I found Rhys, he was sitting with a green faerie in his lap and looked for all the world like he was lazily enjoying her touch. But I knew the act he was putting on. People were more relaxed and free to talk if they thought he was preoccupied. So while he put on his act, I listened. I weaved my air through the room, feeling people’s actions and their words reverberating back to me.

 

I felt, before I heard, the heavy breathing coming from the door beyond Amarantha’s dais. I concentrated on the bodies entwined there and I immediately recognized Feyre’s heart beat. I had listened to it so many nights to make sure she was breathing and was alive.

 _Rhys._ I called him, my voice stern and angry.

I felt Rhys become rapt with attention, though outwardly he still appeared lazily aroused.

_What is it?_

_Feyre and Tamlin are outside in the hallway behind Amarantha’s dais. Go stop them. I’ll distract Amarantha._ I made my way past Rhys and towards Amarantha. Behind me, I felt Rhys get up and make his way towards where Feyre was.

 

I approached the dais and bowed deeply.

“My Lady.”

She nodded at me to let me know to rise and approach her. I had to be careful about what I say. One wrong word and she would know something was amiss. Just me approaching her would be suspicious, I didn’t talk to her unless absolutely necessary.

“Everything is set for tomorrow’s trials. Is there anything else…” Before I could finish, Tamlin came back to the dais and sat next to Amarantha, and I had lost her attention.

“Where were you, Tamlin?” Her voice was saccharine but I knew there was a flicker of irritation for him stepping out of line.

“I went for a walk and stretch my legs.”

I cringed inwards. Idiot! Like she would fall for that.

“A walk?” A raise of an eyebrow. “Well then, why don’t you and I go for a walk as well. You can take me wherever you went.” Tamlin stood up stiffly and started walking to the door in the back. I knew I wasn’t explicitly invited but I followed behind them.

 

We walked into the hallway and I stopped short. Rhys had his arms around Feyre, groping over her, and he was kissing her with a ferocious claiming.

Amarantha started laughing and but there was nothing cheerful in that laugh. I had to calm my racing heart, this could go south very quickly and I had to have my wits with me.

Rhys casually finished kissing Feyre as though our presence was only a slight inconvenience. He turned around and gave us a self indulgent smile as though he was apologetic, but only because mannerisms required him to be. I felt Amarantha’s heart skip a beat and I knew she had found something out about Rhys that he had worked hard to hide.

She went back to the show she put on, just as Rhys was wearing his mask. Just as everyone in this room was expected to wear one.

“I knew it was a matter of time,” she put a hand on Tamlin’s arm and talked to Jurian’s eye she kept on her ring. “You humans are all the same, aren’t you?”

 _Rhys, send her away._ He already knew and he was waiting for the best opportunity to send Feyre as far away from Amarantha as possible. There was a lot that could incur Amarantha’s wrath, but none so vengeful as simply being human.

“Typical human trash with their inconstant, dull hearts.” I controlled the urge to roll my eyes. She was always so dramatic.

 

We walked back to the throne room, Amarantha always wanted an audience. And she never wasted an opportunity to showcase her cruelty.

This was the best opportunity for Rhys to send Feyre away before she became just another exhibition of Amarantha’s cruelty.

“I’m tired of you for tonight, go back to your cell.” Rhys shoved Feyre none too gently. I knew it was part anger and part him needing her to understand to not linger.

 

Feyre left without another word and we turned towards Amarantha, waiting for the blow to land. She turned. Not to Rhys, not to Tamlin, but to me. She smiled so widely that the image of an adder flashed in my minds eye.

“You cunning little wolf. You were trying to distract me weren’t you?”

I clenched my jaw, I didn’t have a response for her. Nothing that would satisfy her, nothing that would pacify this crap we were knee deep in. Not bothering to respond, I stood there, my gaze unwavering and waited for the inevitable punishment. We slipped up and we were going to pay for it.

 

She turned and strode to her throne atop the dais.

“If you were both so eager for some pleasure, why don’t we satisfy that need right now?”

My heart stopped. It took everything in me to not take a step back and beside me, I felt Rhysand become rigid.

She inclined her chin at Rhysand and hiked up her dress slightly, “Come Rhysand, you shouldn’t keep your Lady waiting. And afterwards, we can take this to my bedroom.” She smiled, all her teeth on display. “Samson and Rose can have their fun as well.”

I shook my head slightly and caught myself, but the act didn’t go unnoticed by her and if it were possible her smile grew.

 

 

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, whether it had been hours or days. All I knew, all I had become, was pain. The sheets below me were drenched in blood, my hair matted from it. I had stopped crying a long time ago, there were no more tears left in me anyways. To my right, Samson was sitting in a chair watching me as his faerie beast servant got to work on me. Samson had been switching between watching me being tortured, taking some sick pleasure in my screaming and crying, and fucking me when his arousal had become too hard to manage alone.

His servant stopped cutting my the skin below my breast with his curved knife and I saw Samson get off his chair and move towards me. I closed my eyes, willing myself to lose consciousness. I couldn’t take anymore of what was happening, and happily succumbed to the darkness clouding towards me.

 

 

A cool cloth was pressing against my forehead and I gently opened my eyes. The atmosphere in the room was very different from before and I immediately knew I wasn’t in Samson’s room any longer.

Nuala and Cerridwen were standing above me, healing the worst of the injuries. There wasn’t as much blood but all my bruises and most of the smaller cuts were still there. The twins were patching whatever remained and… they were rushing.

I groaned as I sat up gingerly. “Is everything alright?” I didn’t ask but they knew what I meant. Rhys usually healed all of my injuries when I couldn’t heal on my own, but this time he hadn’t.

“The blade was poisoned, you’re not healing.” Nuala said, her silky voice a stark contrast to my racing heart.

“The third trial is starting. You have to go quickly.” Cerridwen said from my left.

I had been unconscious for hours. I swung out of my bed and swayed on my feet. Nuala caught me under my arms and helped me stand as Cerridwen dressed me.

 

I stumbled my way to the room the trial was in. By the time I reached there, Feyre was already there, standing before Amarantha. I don’t think I missed much, the trials hadn’t started yet.

“I love you.” She was talking to Tamlin, I realized, as I made my way to Rhysand’s side. He glanced at me and moved a fraction of an inch closer so that I could lean on him. My back ached and groaned when I shifted my weight to him. I turned my attention back to Feyre. “…Even when they burn my body, I’ll love you.” She was crying but I saw the strength in her. Every single person in this room, whether they wanted to or not, saw the strength in her. Everyone in this room was silent. Not just because they were listening to her words, but because they were showing her respect. This was as much their chance at freedom as it was Feyre and Tamlin’s.

 

“You’ll be lucky, my darling, if we even have enough left of you to burn.” Amarantha meant her words to jar Feyre, to stumble her. But she had more courage in her than she let on, I could feel it coursing through her as clear as I can feel the air I breathe.

“You never figured out my riddle, did you?” Feyre didn’t respond. She stopped trying a long time ago and we weren’t allowed to help her. “Pity. The answer is so lovely.”

“Get it over with.” Feyre snarled. I wasn’t sure any one of us were breathing.

Amarantha wasn’t done. She wanted to savor this as much and for as long as she could. “No final words to her?” she asked Tamlin. I looked to him, he was sitting like a statue made of flesh and bone. Unmoving and unfeeling. I tried to get into his mind to read it, talk to him, do something but I was too weak. Just sending the air in front of me in waves took too much effort. Poisoned blades wasn’t normal to Samson’s time with me. I shook my head slightly, I would worry about this later.

“Very well, then.” With that, three people were dragged into the room. I knew what was happening, I had helped her prepare for this but I did not know who the faeries under the hoods were.

 

In front of each faerie was an ash dagger. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from those daggers as they were brought in. Everything else in the room disappeared. I had cut and carved the daggers that would now be used to kill these innocent faeries. The day I had helped them prepare for this trial, a part of me had died but today. To stand here and actually see the poisoned fruit of my actions pan out was another thing.

 

“Your final task, Feyre,” Amarantha stood up, “Stab each of these unfortunate souls in the heart.”

 

Feyre gaped. Unable to move, unable to act.

 

“They’re innocent—not that it should matter to you since it wasn’t a concern the day you killed Tamlin’s poor sentinel.” No one in the room dared to even breathe too loud. We understood was to be sacrificed. The Spring Court’s life in exchange for her soul. “And it wasn’t a concern for dear Jurien when he butchered my sister. But if it’s a problem… well, you can always refuse.”

I almost scoffed. She offered it like it was a valid option.

“Of course, I’ll take your life in exchange, but a bargain’s a bargain, is it not? If you ask me, though, given your history with murdering our kind, I do believe I’m offering you a gift.”

My legs almost gave out and I felt Rhysand shift to support me better. But neither of us dared to look away from Feyre, from what was happening in front of our eyes.

Feyre didn’t respond, her eyes were darting between the three faeries kneeling and Amarantha. She was thinking, deciding if this sacrifice was worth it. It seemed as though she had decided because she slowly made her way to the first kneeling faerie.

 

I stopped breathing, all I could do was watch Feyre approach the faerie and pick up the knife, her hand trembling. Amarantha had the guard take the hood off its face so that Feyre could look into their eyes as she took their life.

“Proceed, Feyre, dear. Enjoy it.”

My eyes were wide as she lifted the knife slowly. Beside me, Rhys sucked in a breath. None of us blamed Feyre and would never blame her. Amarantha was a monster. She had always been and will always be.

The faerie was begging Feyre and a female behind us started sobbing. I knew who it was, and I didn’t bother turning to look at them or offering them any form of comfort. I was a coward for it but I was afraid and I had no words to offer.

I didn’t look towards Amarantha, I knew she was grinning, reveling in the victory that would be hers, if it wasn’t already. My eyes were wholly on the kneeling, begging faerie. Waiting for Feyre to bring down the knife but it never came. She couldn’t do it. I gasped from a sharp pain in my side when Rhys shifted my weight carefully, making sure I could stand on my own. He winnowed next to Amarantha— the last place any of us wanted to be. But he did it for Feyre. To talk to her, to let her know she was not and will never face this, alone.

 

With a cracking sob, Feyre sunk the knife into the faerie’s heart. Everyone saw him die, but I felt it. Even with my powers weakened, I felt the faerie’s soul rip from his body. And in my own, I felt a shard of my soul rip from my body. A shapeless, glowing light rose above the dead faerie’s body and I scrunched my eyes and mouth shut. Now was not the time for my eyes to be glowing.

 

“Very good.” Hearing Amarantha’s voice felt like a thousand glass shards scraping down my skull. I cringed but my attention remained on Feyre.

“Now the next. Oh, don’t look so miserable, Feyre. Aren’t you having fun?”

Feyre looked like the crack in her soul had spread to shatter her completely and I could feel it in her. Still, she faced the second faerie.

 

This faerie, I knew. I had talked to her several times during the parties Amarantha threw. She was prepared and she understood the sacrifice she was making. As Feyre picked up the second dagger and turned to her, she started praying. I knew these prayers by heart. I never prayed but a lot of my victims had in their final moments.

“I’m sorry.” Feyre apologized, crying. Unable to hold herself together.

“Let me enter eternity.” the faerie steeled herself ready and nodded at Feyre. This time beside me, the faerie’s family started sobbing. The Autumn Court stood silent and rigid.

 

As Feyre stabbed her, she slumped to the ground. I heard Feyre’s soul shatter as clear as a boulder cracking in two.

 

One more faerie remained and all my focus zoned in on them. This would be the end. Feyre picked up the last dagger, ready to sacrifice whatever pieces of her remained. The guard removed the hood and my breath caught in my throat. Kneeling in front of Feyre was Tamlin.

 

“Something wrong?” Amarantha angled her head, mocking Feyre.

“Not.. Not fair.” Feyre gasped. Rhysand had gone pale, my own face mirroring his. Beside Amarantha, Tamlin rippled away and in his place sat the Attor.

“Fair?” Amarantha was playing with Jurien’s bone on her hand and I knew she was thinking of when Jurien murdered her sister. “I wasn’t aware you humans knew of the concept. You kill Tamlin, and he’s free. And then you can have him all to yourself.” Her smile was poisoned and I couldn’t help the shiver that wracked through my body. If Amarantha couldn’t have Tamlin, no one could.

 

No one in the entire room dared move a muscle. The sharp aches all over my body dulled to the back of my mind. My attention rapt on Feyre and I limped to the front of the crowd so that I would be ready to spring in front of Feyre, should I need to.

 

“Unless, you think it would be more appropriate to forfeit your life. After all: What’s the point? To survive only to lose him?” I saw Feyre tremble as though her legs couldn’t hold her upright. “Imagine all those years you were going to spend together… and suddenly alone. Tragic, really. Though a few months ago, you hated our kind enough to butcher us— surely you’ll move on easily enough. Jurien’s human lover did.”

 

My mouth had gone dry, this was never meant to be a chance to earn their freedom. Any way this entire bargain had gone, we would always remain trapped.

 

“So, what will it be, Feyre?” Feyre was looking at Tamlin. Her decision was now bigger than just them both. It wasn’t just about Feyre and Tamlin, it was about his entire people, all of us. Rhys and I had originally planned for Tamlin to kill Amarantha but if not him, Lucien would have to act. And I would help him in whatever way I could.

 

I could see the wheels behind Feyre’s eyes turning. She knew something we didn’t or at least was trying to figure it out. She took a step towards Tamlin, and my heart skipped a beat. The plan had shifted beneath our feet and we had to right ourselves for whatever would happen next.

 

I glanced at Rhys quickly and quietly thumbed my dagger on my thigh free when Feyre grabbed the dagger meant for Tamlin. For a second, I had to glance away from Tamlin and Feyre. They had shared a tender moment that was not meant for outside eyes.

“I love you.” She didn’t whisper it, she didn’t shout it. Feyre declared it, confidently and with all her heart. Then she stabbed him.

 

I readied myself, glancing at Amarantha. Tamlin groaned as the ash dagger stabbed into him, breaking his sternum. I had stabbed and killed enough people to know that when they’re stabbed in the heart, that isn’t the sound that’s made. Tamlin clutched at his chest and I could see his wound healing, slowly. Ever so slowly. 

 

Amarantha stood and I lurched forward closer to Feyre. Rhysand was beaming, and my own heart clenched at what this entailed.

Behind me, a voice shouted, “She won.” Another voice, “Free them.” Everyone was ready, and Amarantha remembered, even after fifty years, none of us were here willingly.

 

“I’ll free them whenever I see fit.” She snapped and those voices quieted down. “Feyre didn’t specify when I had to free them— just that I had to at some point. Perhaps when you’re dead.” My face blanched. I had overlooked this. The riddle. Feyre had to solve the riddle. 

“You assumed that when I said instantaneous freedom regarding the riddle, it applied to the trials too, didn’t you? Foolish, stupid human.”

Amarantha knew she lost and had grabbed at whatever loophole she could.

 

Feyre took a few steps backwards as Amarantha descended the dais and headed towards her.

“And you,” She hissed at Feyre, and for a second, my heart lurched. I had never heard such hate in her voice. “You.” Her bared her teeth, sharp as though they had been filed into tiny blades. “I’m going to kill you.”

I moved in front of Feyre and held out my dagger in front of her. I wasn’t at my strongest and she knew. Still, when I stood in front of Feyre, protective and ready to strike, surprise flitted through her eyes.

 

“You dare stand in my way?” Wrath contorted her face. She moved faster than I had expected and threw me against the wall on the other side. My spine screamed and ached at the sudden impact. I slid down to the floor and tried to stand up but my breath cut short. My right arm was broken. I looked down at it and it jutted out at an awkward angle.

Taking a few deep breaths, I used my left arm to stand up. My vision danced and nothing was standing upright. Leaning back against the wall I had been thrown at a moment ago, I felt my head gingerly. Something sticky and hot rolled down my neck and into the fighting leathers. I wasn’t healing. My arm, my head, my spine. Nothing was healing.

 

I looked up and Amarantha was standing over Feyre, and Feyre— she was thrashing and writhing on the floor.

“Feyre!” Rhysand roared her name, but Amarantha had him held back by the control she had over us. But she never ordered me to stand aside. I unsheathed the sword I had strapped on my back with my left arm and started limping forward. Rhysand yelled her name again and again, every small amount of pain Feyre experienced raging through his own body.

 

“What are you, compared to our kind, that you think you’re worthy of us?”

I staggered and limped closer and closer. All around us, faeries were shouting angrily at Amarantha not keeping her end of the bargain. But none of that mattered to her, she had lost to a human and her pride, rage, took control.

 

When I was close enough, I swung my sword at her. It wouldn’t be hard enough to stop her but I would do whatever I could. At the very least, I just needed to distract her until Tamlin got his shit together long enough to _kill_ her.

Amarantha deflected my sword with a quick swipe of her arm. The sword fell to the floor, clanging.

“You insolent swine!” I gasped as her sharp nails dug into my neck. Her grasp on my throat tightened enough that my vision started swimming. I clawed at her hands, scratching her arms with my nails. She raised her other hand and dragged her nails down my chest leaving three gashes. I gasped, or tried to,as the hot blood trickled down my front and onto the floor.

 

Somewhere far away, I saw Rhysand grab the ash dagger by Tamlin. My vision started clouding and I went limp in her grasp. With a disgusted sound, Amarantha threw me to the ground.

 

“You are all pigs— all scheming, filthy _pigs_.” her voice was faint and far away but I clung to every inch of consciousness.

When Rhysand launched himself on to her, she flung him back against the wall I was thrown in to moments ago. I wobbled up into a kneeling position and tried to stand. My legs, stupid, weak legs weren’t strong enough to hold me up. The stinging pain in my chest and the sharp throbbing in my arm, all screaming for my attention.

 

Amarantha advanced towards Rhysand, “You traitorous piece of filth.” His talons slashed open, ready to attack, and just as well, shoved back into his skin one by one. I could see Rhysand mouth a curse word. But all I could hear was a sharp ringing of pain in my head and the dull shouting of the faeries around us, all stuck as we were.

“You were planning this all along.” To say Amarantha was furious, was an understatement. She sent her magic spiraling to him and his head cracked on the wall, inches from where my own head had.

 

Rhysand tried again and again to get up but each time his arms gave out. Watching him struggle to get up, to fight even when everything was against him, spurred something in me. I pushed myself up to my feet and took a second as my legs wobbled. I staggered a step towards Amarantha and when she heard, she whipped around. Her eyes crazed with anger, and her teeth bared, I half expected her to be foaming at the mouth. I took a step towards her, no more weapons, nothing to fight with except my own body. She grabbed the ash dagger Rhysand had tried to attack her with moments ago and slashed at my chest. I tottered to the side at the last moment and the dagger caught my side. “You will die the slowest death as you bleed out on the floor.” She laughed, deranged with anger, “And I’ll enjoy watching every second of it. But first,” she turned towards Feyre. 

 

This was the end for me. I knew it. Body broken beyond repair and my powers inhibited, I laid there watching Feyre be tortured and killed, watching Rhys struggle again and again to get up and fight back. The pool of blood around me grew slowly and I pushed my hand against the wound as though that would heal it.

 

Amarantha was shrieking, half raging, half mental. Everything was moving slow and too fast at the same time.

 _Love_. I saw Feyre mouth the word and I grinned at her. I turned my head to ceiling and let out a deep breath. I dragged myself to the wall and sat up, leaning against it, my side screaming in pain. Slowly, too slowly, I pulled myself to my feet. Just in time as Amarantha was thrown against the wall and Tamlin roared so loudly my entire body shook. The entire mountain shook.

 

I gasped for breath as a guard rushed to help Amarantha but faeries from the Spring Court had tackled them. Tamlin had her by the neck and Amarantha was clawing at his arms, just as I had done to her. Behind Tamlin, there was an entire battle going on.

“Tam!” I heard Lucien scream and seconds later, Tamlin held a sword in his paw. Amarantha was screaming and trying to command me, anyone to help her. Before she could finish her screams, Tamlin shoved the sword deep into her head and into the mountain.

 

I knew the moment Amarantha’s life had ended because I felt my powers return to me in full form, slightly overtaken the strength of the poison in my body. A scream ripped through me as my right arm healed itself and the deep gash in my side stitched itself shut, though a deep, red, angry scar remained. I didn’t have enough energy to heal my entire body, only enough of me that I would survive.

 

I limped towards Feyre’s body, to hold her hand, when Tamlin’s guttural growl stopped me. Stopped me for only a moment. I placed a hand on her heart and tried to heal whatever I could, hold whatever part of her I could back. Deep inside her soul, a small thread remained. What that thread was attached to, I wasn’t entirely sure. But it was holding her to this world and I poured as much of my power, energy, life into that as I could. It wasn’t enough to bring her back, but enough that it enforced the thread’s strength. Around me, I felt various High Lords make their way over to Feyre and drop a glimmer of their life, their power, into her.

 

“For what she gave, we’ll bestow what our predecessors have granted to few before.” Rhysand stood beside me, “This makes us even.” I released my hand from her body and Rhys helped me stand up. We made our way to the side, still watching. Unable to leave just yet.

 

Tamlin laid his hand on her heart and a few seconds later, enough that it had us pausing, Feyre gasped. She was alive, she was brought back to life by the High Lords. But Feyre didn’t look the same, she didn’t feel the same. Before I could sense the mortality in her soul and energy. But now, it was different. I felt a bit of all the High Lords’ energy in her, entwined with her own soul and immortality. Feyre looked at Amarantha, taking in everything that had happened. Rhysand placed a hand on my elbow, his eyes betraying the sadness he felt in his heart. The sadness and longing.

 

We made our way out of the crowd and I saw the Autumn Court winnowing away, just as I’d expected. We made our way out of the throne room and into the hallway. The hallway that I’d walked through for the last fifty years.

I looked up at Rhys, unsure and afraid.

When he looked at me, he looked relieved. And there was an air of happiness around him that overwhelmed me.

 

“Rose,” he smiled at me. A true genuine smile in this pit of despair. “We’re going home.”


	16. Chapter 16: Homecoming

The first thing to hit me was the smell of jasmine. I didn’t realize how much I had missed the beautiful fragrance.

 

When Rhys winnowed us, I closed my eyes. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I was afraid. Afraid of who I’d become and what it would mean if I step foot in Velaris. I slowly opened my eyes and gasped. We were on the rooftop of a house and Velaris in front of me.

“This is my home.” Rhys’s voice was soft, gentle, as if he couldn’t quite believe that he was back here. I took a step closer to the ledge, a small breeze brushing past my hair. I closed my eyes again, and took a big inhale. I had missed the air in Velaris more than I realized. I missed the beautiful fragrance of jasmine and the smell of the river coursing through the city.

I was home. Rhys and I were out of Under the Mountain. Amarantha was dead— it felt sacrilegious to even think her name in Velaris. My heart was thundering in my chest and I couldn’t stop breathing. It wasn’t the panicked breathing I had become so accustomed to Under the Mountain. This was greedy. I couldn’t get enough of the fresh air, the sound of laughter racing up the hills as kids ran and played, the colorful scenery in front of me, the mountains and the river and homes set in the hills.

 

I didn’t realize I had fallen to my knees until Rhys came and stood beside me. He extended his hand, an offering to me to join his home. I took it and raised myself up, half glad because I didn’t think I had the strength in me to stand up on my own.

 

“They’re coming.” I looked up at him, his eyes betraying the nervousness we both felt.

“I don’t know if I should be here.” I wrung my hands, keenly aware of everything that had happened fifty years ago. 

“This is your home, these are your people,” He turned fully towards me and his gaze so intense, I had to look away. “They are your family.”

Before I could respond, the floor shook with two loud thuds behind us. Rhys and I turned around, the former excited and the happiness rolling off him, and I anxious.

After everything that had happened, I wasn’t sure how they were going to treat me. We had barely known each other before, and _he_ had called me— My heart stopped. He was the first one I saw. Cassian.

 

I wasn’t sure when it ever started back. But his attention wasn’t on me. All of their attention— Cassian, Azriel, Mor, and Amren, all of their attention was on Rhys. With a cracking sob, Mor broke away from the group and ran towards Rhys, arms outstretched. Rhys met her halfway and grabbed her in a tight embrace. Rhys had lifted Mor off of her feet and swung her around, laughing and crying.

“You stubborn bastard!” Cassian shouted, striding towards Rhys, arms outstretched, face split in a wide grin, eyes glimmering.

Azriel was smiling, his face devastatingly beautiful, half walked, half ran to meet Rhys, Cassian, and Mor, and joined their embrace. Amren stood her ground, though she was smiling, blinking away unshed tears. A moment later, she too joined their hug, albeit slightly reluctantly. This was their moment of reconciliation. They were family and they hadn’t seen each other in fifty years. More than that, so much had passed between them. I could hear Mor sobbing, louder now. And I could tell Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel were crying too. Not wanting to intrude on their moment, I stayed off to the side busying myself trying unsuccessfully to heal my remaining injuries while overlooking the beautiful city. I felt like an intruder and I didn’t want to disturb their moment.

 

After a few minutes of hugging, crying, and some laughing, they turned to me. In that moment, I had felt exposed and waited for their verdict. But this was who I had fought like hell for _in_ hell. The very people I was standing in front of, and the beautiful city and its people, below.

Mor was the first to approach me, a small smile at her lips. I fought the urge to take a step back. Behind her, Rhys was watching me. He had claimed me as his family, but would the rest of his family do the same?

 

I held my breath as Mor stood in front of me, watching me, assessing me. She placed her hands on my shoulders and her small, red lipped, smile morphed into the most spectacular grin. I returned her grin with a tentative smile, and that was all the invitation she needed. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. I don’t know when I had started crying but a shudder racked through me as I let out a sob, my face hidden by her long, blonde hair. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had embraced me with love in their hearts. Putting my fears and thoughts aside, I hugged her back.

 

A few seconds, maybe a few minutes, passed. Mor let go of me and wiped her face with the back of her hands.

“I’ve missed you, Rose. And I’m incredibly happy that you’re back.” She planted a kiss on my cheek and stood beside me. I don’t know if she knew but having that presence besides me helped ground me a bit more to the reality that I was still wrapping my head around.

Amren came up to me next, her silver dancing eyes defiant and triumphant. She nodded at me once, twice.

“Welcome home, girl.” I grinned her wide and without restraint. This _was_ home.

Azriel approached me slowly. I waited for him to speak. His shadows were wrapping and curling around him. My breath caught as he came up to me and I knew he had taken note of that; a shadow that had extended to me had sprung back to him. “Welcome back, Rose.” He ducked his head so that his hair was hiding his eyes, but I could still see the smile on his lips. He hesitated but I understood what he had intended, this time I took the initiative. I wrapped my arms around the middle of his body and hugged him, slowly and lightly. I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries.

My face shoved against the armor on his chest, I could hear his heart beat as loudly as my own. “I’ve missed you, Azriel.” I murmured. In response, he tightened his arms around me.

We let go and the warmth from Azriel’s body disappeared, replaced by the sudden apprehension of facing Cassian. I wasn’t afraid necessarily, it was more of uncertainty of what he felt and thought. His body gave away nothing, I was still too weak to read his body language with my powers, and I vowed to never read any of their minds without their initial permission to be in their minds.

Cassian was staring at me intently from across the veranda, his face indicating nothing of what he was feeling. I masked my face into cool indifference.

I faintly registered Rhys clearing his throat and telling us that they would wait for us downstairs in the living room. Not wanting to give in to him, I refused to make the first move. I had put myself on the line enough, this was Cassian’s turn.

 

Cassian strode towards me slowly but in large strides. He covered the gap between us in three steps and I had to look up to see his face. I came up to his shoulder height, but the height difference didn’t intimidate me. I would never let him know, but what did intimidate me was how close his face was to my own. I could feel his breath on me, smell the earthly musk—the distinct smell of him wrapping around me.

 

I looked at his eyes, taking in his entire appearance greedily. His hair had been tied back by the leather strap I had seen him use before. Before Under the Mountain. Before this huge valley of distance between us. His eyebrows were scrunched in the way he usually did when he was trying to figure out the strategy of an opponent, when he was reading battle plans. His hazel eyes were on my own face, his gaze unwavering. His straight nose with a slight crook in it, no doubt where he’d broken it before, was almost touching my own. A ghost of a smile playing on his lips; the corners of his lips were twitching.

 

Standing in front of him, this close, my arms and legs felt like jelly. Everything that I had gone through seemed so insignificant compared to this moment. What was I doing? I had thought about it, letting my pride win and forcing him to be the first to make a move. But that was not the kind of person I wanted to be. I wouldn’t prioritize my pride over my people, I wouldn’t lose what semblance of happiness I could have for this.

 

“I’m sorry, Rose.” Cassian said at the same time as I said, “It’s good to see you again, Cassian.”

Surprise flitted through me, I had not been expecting him to apologize. Surprise, and something else at the way my name sounded on his lips.

“For what?”

“For what I said about you when the shields went up.” I shook my head slightly and he placed his hand on my arm and I resisted the urge to flinch from the sharp pain. My arm was still sore. I don’t know how he knew but he immediately moved his hand to a different location on my arm. “I thought you were a traitor—“

“I believe the exact phrase you used was ‘traitorous, water wraith bitch’ and I also believe you vowed to kill me when you saw me again.” He flinched. I hadn’t meant to strike him a wound, but I would’ve been lying if I said his words hadn’t stung me. But I felt all the wrong words coming out, and that was not how I wanted it to be between us.

“I was wrong. You were there to protect Rhys, to protect Velaris. And I misunderstood.” I appreciated his gracefulness. He was all swagger and cockiness but I respected his humility.

“I forgive you. There was never a reason to forgive you. If I had been in your position, I would’ve thought the same.” I smiled at him, a silent offer. Friends?

He responded with a wide, mischievous grin and crushed me into a hug that I imagined would feel like being wrapped in a blanket, cozy by the fire. If the blanket had rock hard muscles.

 

I had friends. And I had family.

 

“Oh thank Cauldron you’re both done. I was getting impatient!” Mor sauntered over to us and grabbed my arm, my good arm. “We’re all waiting downstairs to grab lunch together, hurry up you two busybodies.”

I limped behind Mor and headed down the stairs in the house to the living room downstairs where Rhys, Azriel, and Amren had been waiting by the dining table. Dishes filled to the brim with food was set upon the table.

Rhys was giving her a disapproving look.

“What?” Mor asked innocently. “I waited until they were finished.”

“More like she shrieked at us until we hauled our asses downstairs.” Cassian told Rhys, rolling his eyes.

I chuckled and made my way over to the dining table and sat down next to Amren who was swirling a large goblet of deep dark red liquid. I decided I didn’t want to know what poor animal that had come from.

Mor groaned beside me and slumped unceremoniously into the seat beside me. Rhys took up the seat beside her, Cassian sitting across me, and Azriel beside him, leaning slightly away from Amren. I smiled at him knowingly and he returned it with a twitch of his lips.

I could feel Cassian’s gaze on me as I slowly piled on my food, careful not to lift anything with my right arm.

“Go see Madja, you look like you’re going to drop dead any second.” Cassian braced his elbows on the table.

“I recon I still look better than you.” I flashed him a grin, baring my teeth. Though it was intended as a threat, I’m sure he took it as an invitation to continue.

“If you fight as well as you retort, then the only ones you threaten are the little rabbits in the mountain.”

“You the mean the little rabbits you run away from?” I smirked.

Cassian opened his mouth to retort back, but Mor interrupted him with a swift kick to the leg below the table.

Cassian grunted in pain and glared at her. “What? She started it.” 

There was no point to our banter, but it felt freeing to joke around with someone and not feel like a part of me is clenched with stress, like it was part of a mask I wore.

“I’ve missed this.” Rhys voiced, his voice thick. Everyone grew silent.

It was hard for us, everything we had gone through, but I knew it must’ve been just as hard for them to not be able to be there for Rhys. To be locked away here, protecting their home, but still unable to act.

Though it was light and cheery until now, the air in the room shifted suddenly and we were quiet. Azriel’s shadows had come back to cover him, protecting him in a way, from the shame of not being able to protect and fight for his brother. Mor’s face was taut and strained. Amren beside me was quiet, staring at Rhys unblinking, as though communicating her own condolences. Cassian was staring hard at wall behind Azriel, his fists clenched.

 

 _Splat!_ Our silent brooding came to a halting stop when mashed potatoes dripped down Rhysand’s forehead, down his nose, into his plate. Beside him, Cassian was shaking with laughter, a spoon in his hand.

Rhys’s face promised murder, but he was grateful for the distraction. Grateful for Cassian lightening the load on his heart. I scooped the mashed potatoes, gravy and all, in my hand, not bothering with the spoon. Cassian didn’t see the clump heading his way until it was too late. The mashed potatoes collided with the side of his face with a disgusting glopping sound.

With a large battle cry, Cassian scooped up all his mashed potatoes and threw them at me. I had seen it coming and ducked back, ignoring the strain on my chest. I watched as the mashed potatoes flew past where I sat and headed straight for Amren’s face.

 

Everyone stood statue still as the mashed potatoes collided with Amren’s head, lodging some in her ear. Watched and flinched as she raised her arm to wipe the goop off of her head. Watched with wide eyes as she launched herself at Cassian, who was looking at her with a shit eating grin.

“NOT IN THE HOUSE!” Rhys bellowed at the top of his lungs, jasmine scented night filling the entire house. Cassian and Amren froze, looking at him from the floor where Amren had grabbed Cassian’s arm and was trying to twist it, her leg bracing on his chest. Cassian, who still had that damning grin, had an arm blocking her arm, ready to shove it aside. His other arm was ready to lift her off of him over his head.

Both froze, and slowly removed themselves from the other. Amren humphed and made her way back to the table, head held high and death promising in her eyes. Cassian wasn’t smiling anymore, he was grumbling about what a joy kill Rhys was. Everyone sat back at the table, this time more quietly and apprehensive.

“I definitely did not miss _this._ ” Rhys muttered. As though a switch had been flipped, Cassian, Mor, Azriel, Amren, and I all began shouting.

“Cassian started it!” I shouted pointing at him.

“I didn’t even do anything! I was literally just sitting here minding my own damned business!” Mor defended herself.

“Don’t clump me in with that bastard!” But his voice sounded fond when he said ‘bastard’.

“I’m going to kill you, Cassian. And I am going to savor every second of it.” Her eyes throwing daggers of wrath at Cassian.

 

Several hours had passed and Mor and I made our way through the city to Madja’s workshop. Cassian had some work to tend to with his armies now that Amarantha was dead and we were free. Azriel was trying to gather as much information as he could. He informed us that Rhys and I would have to debrief him and Cassian about what happened Under the Mountain afterwards. Amren had left somewhere, none of us willing to cross her just yet. Mor was accompanying me to Madja’s. I didn’t want her to know all of my injuries but I appreciated the support she offered me.

We were walking slowly through the city, I was still limping heavily and couldn’t keep a regular pace. Also, my breath knocked out of my body every second that I was in Velaris. I still had trouble believing that Rhys and I had done it. We had kept this haven safe in a world spilling with darkness and I felt proud for all that I had gone through in order to protect this place.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” Mor said quietly and gently, but there was no pity in her voice. “But whenever you want, I’m here for you.”

I looked at her and I couldn’t help being overwhelmed by what she had offered me. I held her hand as we walked through the city. “Thank you.”

I didn’t know how to say it, if I even wanted to. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk about it, if I’ll ever overcome it. But having you, having all of you…” I didn’t finish my sentence. I let go of her hand, overwhelmed and unsure. She placed an arm around my shoulders and squeezed gently.

 

We reached Madja’s workshop and after a few moments of her fussing over how she could’ve come to my house, I laid on the cot in one of the rooms Madja directed me into.

“Do you want me to stay?” No judgements, no assumptions.

“Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay.” I smiled at her and she left with a kind smile.

Madja had a hard time trying to heal my ribs properly. Over the years they had been broken and healed awkwardly so often that the only way to fix them had been to break them completely and heal them all over again. During the process of breaking them, I had lost consciousness. Madja thought it would be better to leave me unconscious as she broke all my ribs instead of bringing me back to consciousness only for me to faint again. She had to break them gently so that they would not shatter and damage any nearby organs. The whole ordeal took over two hours as I would be informed later. Beyond my ribs, my body was scattered with improperly healed bones and internal injuries.

 

When I had regained consciousness, Cassian was sitting by my side. His face was tense and his posture rigid, rage and death rippling off of him.

“What’s wrong with you?” My voice croaked. His eyes flitted to me when he heard my voice. Immediately he jumped out of his seat and poured me large glass of water. I moved my arm to grab the glass from him and gasped at the pain that racked my entire chest. The gasp was cut short when it hurt to breathe. Cassian helped me sit up in the bed and I carefully took the glass from him and drank a few sips.

 

Cassian’s eyes were hard as he took me in, laying in bed, bandage wrapped all over my chest down to my belly button.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, when he opened his mouth to say something. He closed his mouth and sat back down, leaning against the back of the sofa seat, ankle crossed over his knee. His wings were draped behind him but not grazing on the floor. His fists were clenched and his siphons all gleamed as though alight with his power. Cassian looked like he wanted to tear everything down and burn it to the ground and it took everything in him to hold himself back. He didn’t push me about my injuries. I knew he had to have seen all my scars. He respected me to talk about when I wanted to.

 

“I don’t want your pity.” I got out.

He looked at me with his eyebrows raised. “You survived through the darkest, deepest pits of hell so that your people, your home, would stay protected and safe.” I couldn’t bring myself to look away from his hazel eyes, dark with with an emotion I couldn’t place my finger on. His jaw clenched and he took some time before continuing on. “You fought like hell and came out on top. You have the battle scars to show it.” This time I did look away.

“Rose.” He stayed quiet until I looked back him. “You are a force to be reckoned with. I wouldn’t dare show you any pity.”

 

I smiled at him tentatively and looked around the room, I realized this was not the room I had been in earlier. There was a large luxurious but modest bed, a side table beside it and a sofa chair that Cassian sat on. One side of the wall was empty, opening to the city below us. We were on a hill and it would be quite easy to jump out of that ledge and fly over the city.

I turned back to look at Cassian, but before I could speak, “You’re in my home.”

He voice sounded nervous, as though unsure of how I’d react. But his face impassive and solemn.

“It’s comfortable.” I looked around at the ceilings, and back at him with a smile. “And practical.” He returned my smile with a grin.

I got out of bed gingerly but realized I was not wearing anything. Before, I would have been modest, protested that he look away so that I can dress. But that modesty had been beaten and fucked out of me. Not caring whether he was looking or not, I slowly made my way out of the best and walked over to the cream turtleneck sweater and soft, black pants that were laid out on the foot of the bed. I slowly put on the clothes as I looked out of the open wall at the city below us.

 

When I turned back, a blush crept up my face, despite my best efforts to control it. Cassian had been watching me intently from the sofa but he wasn’t watching me get dressed. Not in that crude way. He was watching me as I looked at the city in awe. He was watching me as though he was cataloging my every move I made in his mind for our future verbal battles. He was watching me as if he never wanted to stop.

 

Breathing became hard. After everything that had happened Under the Mountain— I didn’t know when, _if_ , I could ever allow myself to feel those feelings again. Cassian sensed the shift in my mood and walked over to me, covering the distance in five large strides.

“Come on, I want to show you something.” He extended his hand to me. It was an invitation, not just to go with him, but to be his friend. To figure out what we were slowly and naturally.

 

All I knew was death. I had become death. To bring that kind of pain and torture into this world which had remained pure and strong despite it felt profane. I didn’t how I would fit in to this world, _if_ I would even fit in. I let Cassian see all that on my face. Let him see that I had become a monster to survive Under the Mountain full of them, and that I didn’t know if that monster was simply a mask I wore or who I had become. I let him see all this and gave him the chance to retract his hand, to rethink his offer. His hand remained extended and his face remained open and compassionate. His loose hair swaying in the wind coming from the outside didn’t shield his fierce, kind eyes.

 

So I took his hand and smiled at him.


	17. Chapter 17: The City of Starlight

Cassian and I walked through the streets of Velaris. We started at his neighborhood, heading towards— I wasn’t sure where. He wanted to show me something and had kept quiet about it, wanting to keep it a surprise.

 

As we were walking through the city, I looked all around me greedily, absorbing every bit of it that I could. Cassian kept quiet, knowing what it meant to me to be back here. To know that I had survived it all and had made it back to Velaris. To be able to see this beautiful night sky canvassing over the city, the glimmering lights all around us, the beautiful aromatic smell of freshly made food. It hadn’t even been a day since Rhys and I were free from Under the Mountain, but it felt like so much time had gone by since then.

 

Cassian led us through the city, away from the center and towards the mountains that surrounded the city. When we were near the base of the mountains, we stopped and Cassian turned towards me.

“Do you want to fly or would you prefer hiking?”

“I’m okay with flying.” I said to him smiling. I turned to pull some of the earth around me into a rectangular shaped platform I could stand on. From the corner of my eye, I saw Cassian raise his arms, ready to pick me up as he used to before. But I wasn’t ready to be touched, held, by anyone like that. Especially someone who made my heart leap with every look and touch.

 

I moved some of the earth around my feet to wrap itself around my feet and up my ankles like make-shift boots.

“I learned the hard way that I need to wrap my ankles to the board.” I chuckled at Cassian, my poor attempt to bring the attention away from the look on his face.

He nodded, his entire gaze on me. I tried not to let his intensity get to me. I was used to having my every watch moved but this wasn’t like that at all. Cassian unnerved me.

He shook his head, a huge grin spreading through his face as he did. “Ready?” His deep voice unable to contain excitement. Despite my initial hesitations, I couldn’t help his infectious excitement spreading and my own grin matched his.

 

Cassian flared his wings and took to the skies with a slight push off the ground, I followed him on my own make shift earthen board. I bent my knees slightly, my feet in the twelve o’clock and five o’clock position. My left arm extended slightly in front of me for balance and my right arm beside my right leg moved the board of earth underneath my feet.

 

For a moment, I lost myself in the wind. I closed my eyes, feeling the rushing wind caress my face, neck, my entire body. Felt the rush of wind brush my long hair, a black cape behind me. I felt Cassian’s gaze on me and I opened my eyes to meet his. He was looking at me with a a small smile at his lips, but his eyes, they were dancing with mischief.

 

I laughed. “Just because I don’t have wings, doesn’t mean I can’t fly.”

He flicked an eyebrow up, “Up for a challenge?”

I laughed harder, he couldn’t pass up an opportunity to match himself against an opponent. “That’s not fair, I don’t even know where we’re headed. How would I be able to beat you, you prick.”

His own deep voice boomed with laughter, “You’re just afraid you’ll lose.”

He landed us on the edge of mountain. It was a small cliff hidden behind trees and branches. But there was enough space here for a few people to stand. I brought my board down next to him, the earth disintegrating and blending into soil the moment they touched. I took a step towards to him, a step closer than I would’ve dared perhaps if I hadn’t been flying above Velaris, my heart and soul free for the first time in fifty years. “Alright, you ass,” a defiant smile on my lips, “next time I want a race with you.”

“I won’t deny you a chance to lose, if you wish it so much.” He braced his hands on my shoulders and I stiffened slightly. He must’ve taken note of it because his grip on my shoulders softened a bit. He turned me around, my back leaning onto his chest, “But right now, this is what I wanted to show you.”

 

I gasped and braced a hand on my heart, as though that would keep it from leaping out of my chest. Below was Velaris. Beautiful, glowing, vibrant Velaris. Against the dark sky, the city glimmered even more otherworldly. The colorful lights of the Rainbow shining brightly to all the way to the mountain cliffside we were standing on. From here, I could see the entire city, the Sidra River running through the city, Rhys’s home, the House of Wind, the Palace of Bone and Salt and the Palace of Hoof and Leaf thrumming with life. I wasn’t sure when I stopped breathing or if I was even aware of Cassian’s chest, a warm, hard wall behind me holding me up.

 

Something, I wanted to say something but I had no words. There were absolutely no words that could describe the breathtaking beauty of Velaris.

I turned around, begrudgingly, and looked into Cassian’s glowing hazel eyes.

His eyes were soft, and his mouth slightly open. “I come here to remind myself of what I’m fighting for, of what my home is. No one knows about this place and I’ve never brought anyone here. This is yours now too, for those days when everything overwhelms you. For when you need to be reminded of love and peace.”

I left the hand on my heart and bent my head down in thanks, “Thank you, Cassian. For sharing a bit of your home with me.”

That roughish grin again, “Plus it’s extremely private,” he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. “with a romantic view, wouldn’t you say?”

 

I blushed, heat like I’d never known rising through my body. Ever perceptive, Cassian’s mischievous grin turned positively wicked when he realized I was flustered.

“You’re right, it is extremely private. No one would be able to see us.” I stuck my tongue out at him, grabbed Cassian’s shoulders, twisted around, and shoved him off the cliff edge.

 

A startled shout echoed through the night sky and a second later, Cassian hovered above me. His black, membraneous wings glinting in the night. The vibrant colors of Velaris below him illuminated his wings so that his wings were covered in opaque colorful rings. Ignoring my erratic heart, I laughed as he landed himself beside me.

“You pushed me off the cliff!” He sounded incredulous, his eyes wide with disbelief. I laughed harder, clutching my chest, grateful that I had healed completely and had taken the bandages off earlier. 

“Serves you right!” I straightened up and put on my best Cassian-mocking-face, “It’s extremely private.”

Cassian laughed, “You cruel woman.”

 

We sat on the edge together, our legs dangling, and watched the city together. Occasionally laughing and talking, but mostly quietly enjoying the beautiful, picturesque city below. I wasn’t sure how long had passed but Cassian turned towards me, his face solemn.

“It’s time to go,” I turned towards him, my eyebrow raised in question. “To debrief Azriel and me on what happened Under the Mountain.”

I nodded grimly, groaning as I got up. My legs had slightly fallen asleep since we had sat there for so long. “Let’s get it over with.”

Cassian opened his wings, ready for taking off towards the House of Wind, when I turned to him. “There will be alcohol there right?” I didn’t wait for his response, I jumped off the cliff, the earth board catch my feet before I fell, and flew off towards the House.

 

Cassian flew alongside me and I could feel him throwing concerned glances at my way the entire time but I paid no attention to them. For all the time we’d spent together, my wall snapped back in place. If I would survive the debrief, I couldn’t let him in. I couldn’t let him see all the depraved and mutilated bits of me.

 

There was a balcony jutting out, glowing with golden lanterns. There were two glass doors separating the balcony with the dining room I had been in another life, perhaps. A whole other lifetime ago. Cassian landed on the balcony smoothly, so familiarly. This was as much his home as the city below, as his own home I had woken up in. I landed next to him, taking caution to remain a good distance away from him. I let the soil from the board I made fly away into the air behind us.

 

I knew Cassian took note of my distance, both physical and the walls I’d built around me. He looked at me, concerned and hard. If he looked at me anymore, I thought I might burst into flames right here so I brushed off his gaze, more arrogant and cocky than I’d been in the last few hours and strode into the dining room. Behind me, I felt Cassian close his mouth and walk towards the dining table.

 

Azriel and Rhys were already here. Azriel was standing by the table, arms crossed, and watching Rhys’s every movement and observing all of our actions. His siphon were glowing slightly more bright than they had been earlier today.

Rhys, in question, was pacing. Pacing, and running his hands through his hair. His breathing was erratic and his eyes wild.

Cassian looked Rhys top to toe, and strode forward to him. “What’s wrong?”

“My mate!” He could’ve almost shouted, the words struck us just as loudly. “She’s my mate.”


	18. Chapter 18: Drink the Scars Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I've been really busy the last two weeks with interviews and I had to put TLC on the back burner. But I am back to my regular schedule now and I'm *so* excited to continue writing! :D

I knew who he was referring to: Feyre. He had gone after we were finished eating to see her and I asked him to give her a note I had written for her.

Cassian, beside me, was frozen. He was watching Rhys hard, like a he could read every thought Rhys was thinking.

 

“Rhys,” I said softly, taking a step towards him. The shadows coiled tighter towards Azriel and I could feel the change in Rhys’s demeanor. He turned to me, his face hard. A mask had slipped in place within a second. A mask of the cool, calm High Lord that was ready to get to business. The same mask I wore so that I can survive the debrief. Just like that, the topic of his mate was not up for discussion.

 

Azriel and I stood silently, waiting for Rhys to make the next move. But Cassian had other plans.

“Who’s your mate, Brother?” His voice urging Rhys, but gentle still.

Rhys shook his head. “I’ll explain later. Let’s finish what we came here to do.” A dismissal.

 

I walked past everyone to the cabinet that contained the alcohol. I liberally took out two bottles of wine and a large of amber liquid. I wasn’t sure what it was but it smelled strong and I prayed to the Sidra that it was. Azriel’s shadows slid towards me, and snapping back into him when I placed a barrier of hard air around me. I walked back to the table and placed the three bottles down and slumped ungracefully into a seat. Rhys procured four glasses and sat down a few seats down from me on the other side.

 

As I poured myself and Rhys some wine, I saw Azriel and Cassian share a look but I ignored it. After all, a few minutes in and they would be doing the same. Azriel and Cassian had sat down in their seats, across from me next to Rhys, and next to me across from Rhys, respectively. Rhys and I downed the glass of wine and had poured ourselves another glass. This time I didn’t drink right away, I held onto the glass, my entire attention on my fingers as I was spinning and playing with the glass in my hands.

 

Cassian’s body was radiating warmth next to me and the rough, earthy smell of him wrapped around me. Normally it would be a comfort, and it was now too. But knowing what I would have to relive, I couldn’t bring myself to feel comfort. I felt guilty. Guilty for who I had become and had done.

 

There was a knock on the shields in my mind. I slid open a metaphorical peeping hole and I could tell it was Rhys. I slid it open, waiting for him to speak.

 _I’m here. You’re not alone._ I nodded to him in my mind.

_I’m here for you too, Rhys. We’ll face this together._

_It’s not that simple. We need to tell them the essentials but we can’t tell them everything._

The question must’ve floated down our channel. Because he responded, _They’ll feel guilty. That they couldn’t be there and face it with us. It’ll eat at them._

 _I understand._ Beyond that, we didn’t talk anymore.

We both had a small slit open in our minds, available for the other. So that we would not face this alone, entirely.

 

Azriel started softly, his voice gently lulling me out of my thoughts. “I need to know how our relations are with the other Courts. I need to know who to focus more on.”

Beside me, Cassian’s voice was deep and reverberated through me. I felt grounded, his voice had brought my attention fully to where we were at the table. “And I need to know if we need to prepare our armies for anything.”

Rhys looked straight into Cassian’s eyes, eyes hard and gaze unflinching. “Prepare your armies. Hybern is coming and its only a matter of time.”

I took a large gulp of the wine. It burned as it passed down my throat. My cup had emptied before I was even aware. I refilled the glass and turned my attention to Azriel. He would be asking us the questions he needed to know.

 

His voice was cold and to the point, “I need to know what powers you have.” I raised my eyebrow in question.

“Why is my powers relevant?”

“So I know how much of a threat you are to the Night Court.” Swift and brutal.

Cassian let out a small growl, a sound I had never heard from him. It was Rhys who spoke up. “She is not a threat to us, Azriel.”

“Then I need to know so I know what we are facing in regards to the other Courts.” I stared at Azriel hard, not backing down. His shadows snaked their way over to me and I opened a small opening in my hard air barrier to let it in. He wanted to see if I was lying no doubt.

I looked entirely at Azriel as I spoke. I still didn’t know what to make of my powers and I didn’t have the courage to face Cassian as I spoke.

 

“My powers are… complicated. I’m still trying to figure out what I can do and can’t do. There’s a lot I don’t know yet.” I paused to take a sip of the wine. “Starting with Air. I can control the air around us.” I sent a small breeze past us and watched as Azriel’s hair rustled in the wind. Then a hard gust of wind at us, through the doors, circling the room, and heading back out the doors. “I can control all aspects of it. But it’s more that that. It’s like I can feel the air around me.”

I got up and started pacing around, trying to figure out how to explain it. “It’s like I can use the air to feel the world around me. While we’re on that topic, I can use the ground too.” I pointed to the shadow dancing by my feet, “It’s like your shadows. I send the air out around me and it sends back vibrations and I can use those vibrations to sense out what’s happening around me. I can tell what everyone in that entire city below is doing.” Rhys was watching me, leaning back against his chair. “And if I try, I can feel all the way to the Spring Courts.” Rhys’s leg twitched slightly. “And beyond, to the mortal lands.”

 

Cassian swore softly, and Azriel stared at me raptly. He was cataloging every thing I was saying, verbally and otherwise. “The same with earth. Whenever anyone takes a step, they send out vibrations and I can feel it. I can tell what foot they’re standing on, if they’re injured in any way. I can even tell how they’re breathing.” I smiled, “I can manipulate the earth. I made a board out of the earth to fly here, using a combination of air and earth to make myself fly.”

 

I cleared my throat, and for the first time I couldn’t make eye contact with Azriel. Cassian’s fists were clenched and his whole body taut as he listened to what i could do and what my powers were. “My favorite is the fire. I don’t need an existing fire source, I can create my own.” I held out my hand, my palm flat and facing up. A small ball of fire danced in my palm but I extinguished it quickly. “And there’s water. This is not quite like fire. It’s more like the air and earth. I can only use the sources I have around me. I can’t make my own water.” I pulled a ball of wine from my glass and floated it towards me and swallowed the ball of wine hovering in the air before me.

 

Azriel looked at me intently for a few minutes before saying anything. I could feel Rhys watching me, a soft warmth in my head letting me know he was there. And Cassian. Cassian was watching me with his mouth slightly gape, but I refrained from looking back to him.

“Are your powers going to cause any issues with the other High Lords? They are similar to theirs.”

I shook my head, “They’re not.” I paced slowly as I spoke. “They’re only similar in the most rudimentary of ways. But my powers, the source of powers in them is completely different. I have powers like theirs but they’re also so much more.”

 

Cassian spoke up, his voice low and contemplative, “Even if your powers are different from theirs, all it matters if they believe that it is different. If they think you stole their powers, then that could cause problems.” I didn’t look at him as I responded, looking at Rhys instead.

“They don’t think so. Or at least if they do, I didn’t see any indication of it. Amarantha,” I flinched slightly, “made it clear that if they got in the way of my training or my powers, then there would be hell to pay.”

 

Before anyone could speak up, I continued on. “That’s not all that are my powers though. I can heal myself.” I waved a hand and creating a small shard of glass using the water in the air around us and cut my arm slightly. Within a second, the cut healed itself. Brand new, unscathed skin left in its wake. “I tried to learn to heal others but I can’t. Not directly anyway.” I sat back down, and gripped the glass of wine. “The only way I can heal others is if I take their injuries onto my own body and then heal it on my own. But even that is not consistent. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t.” I plowed through, not stopping to hear their response. I was ashamed that I was selfish and couldn’t heal others when they desperately needed it Under the Mountain.

 _You’re not selfish._ I didn’t respond to Rhys. I only continued on. “Sometimes, my eyes glow a bright white light.” I nodded towards Rhys and he showed us all how I looked when I was laying on the torture table, glowing a bright light from my eyes, mouth, ears, every open orifice. When Rhys stopped showing them, I noticed that Cassian’s face was set stoney into a hard rage. His fists were clenched and the muscles in his jaw jumped. I didn’t look at him, Rhys, or Azriel.

“Cassian, control yourself.” Rhys murmured. It took everything in him to not explode, I could tell.

 

“When that happens, I can see things.” Azriel flicked his eyebrow up and Cassian’s attention flicked to me, his body still taut and rage rolling off him. “I can see everyone’s soul, spirit, energy— whatever it is. I can see other’s that exist in our lands but we can see regularly.” Cassian opened his mouth to ask a question but I cut him off, “I don’t know what it means or how to control that. I didn’t really get a chance to explore that Under the Mountain.” I took a minute to take a long drink. “It only really ever happened when I was on the verge of death or if I was in a state so bad that I couldn’t heal myself.”

 

I didn’t expand on that. On how many times I’d come close to dying and how many times I couldn’t heal myself. “I’m a daemati, like Rhys. But on a rudimentary level.” I looked at Azriel, “No one Under the Mountain knew about the glowing or that I’m a daemati.” I took a deep breath. “Nor did they know that I can create portals.”

“What?” That was the first thing Rhys had said since I started speaking.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It happened once and I wasn’t even sure if or how it happened. And I didn’t want to add more trouble to you.”

Rhys stood, angrily. “This is the kind of thing you trouble me with.”

I stood, shoving my chair back angrily. “There was a lot we were dealing with. I will not apologize for being unsure about my own powers.”

“Rhysand.” Cassian’s voice was soothing calm, and there was a warning in his tone. A warning that said this is not something worth fighting over. Rhys sunk back into his chair, and I waved my hand— my chair fixed itself right.

“Anyways,” I gave Rhys a pointed look, “I can create portals. I was…in a tight spot and there was no where to escape. Suddenly behind me there was a purple glowing hole. I don’t know why I did it, but I stepped through. The thrumming of power from it was the same as my own so I trusted it.” I nodded at Rhys, “That was when I ended up in your room.”

“I thought you had winnowed.”

“I did too. At least some form of winnowing but it wasn’t. It was a portal.”

 

I stopped talking and finished the wine in my glass.

“Okay. Thanks Rose.” Azriel’s voice was soft and I knew we were going to dwell into topics that I would run away from if I could. I knew he would only ask what he needed to and for that I was grateful. Beside me, Cassian had shifted slightly closer but I didn’t object in any way.

 

 

“How’s our relations with the Winter Court?” Azriel asked Rhys.

Cassian was silent. He was watching Rhys’s and my every move. My breath caught in my throat. I knew what we were gonna to have to talk bound I wasn’t sure if I was ready to face it. It didn’t matter if i was ready to face it or not.

I poured myself a glass full of that dark amber liquid, hoping it was strong enough to carry me though. The chair scraped against hte floor as Rhysand stood up. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

 _Together._ I said to him down our channel.

He nodded at me and looked to Cassian and Azriel. “I killed their younglings.”

“ _We_ killed them.”

His eyes shot to me and i didn’t waiver. Rhys wanted to bear this alone but I wouldn’t let him. If he beat himself up for, I could understand, it was eating me alive. But these people had a right ot know the truth at least. “We killed them, Rhysand. Not you alone.”

His jaw clenched. “Amarantha had caught wind of rebellion in the Winter Court. We usually were able to let them escape by faking a story, but this time Amarantha had caught them in the action.” He grabbed his cup of wine from the table and drank deeply. “Amarantha sent Rose and me to kill them but when we had arrived, some beasts like the Attor had already killed the rebels.”

I looked at Rhys as I spoke. “She never meant for us to kill the rebels. She meant for us to bring the younglings as punishment for their rebellion.”

Rhys nodded and looked straight ahead, staring into nothing. “I killed the younglings.”

“And I burned their bodies.”

Looking at Azriel, Rhys finished. “Our relationship with the Winter Court is strained to say the least, but they understand I think. That what Rose and I gave them, it was a mercy compared to what Amarantha wanted to do to them.”

 

For a few minutes none of us spoke. I couldn’t tell if this wine and the amber liquid were shit, but they weren’t working. I could still feel, I could still hurt. Cassian moved beside me as if to place a hand on me arm, but I swung out of the chair before he could. His mouth was set to a grim line but I stared at him.

Not now. Not yet.

 

Azriel, as effective as usual, brought us back to the moment when he asked us what our relations were like with the Dawn Court. The shadow he had watching me remained by my side. Earlier, when we were talking about the younglings of Winter Court, my hands had started trembling. Hidden underneath the table, I didn’t think anyone noticed it but then I felt the cool caress of the shadow. It stayed with me, holding my hand, until the trembling stopped.

“Dawn Court is neutral.” I said, “Nothing happened between us explicitly that they would hate us. They were neither friends nor fiends Under the Mountain. Day Court on the other hand.”

Looking at Rhys, I shook my head, and Cassian turned to me, silently listening. “I didn’t understand what he said to me at that party.”

“What’d who say?” Cassian asked. I looked at him fully for the first time.

“Hellion invited me to come to his Court, so that I can find out what I am.”

“He knows what you are?” Cassian quirked his eyebrow at the question. I shook my head.

“No, I don’t think he knows. But he suspected.” I shrugged, “To be fair, he’s not wrong. I don’t feel like I belong in this world.”

Cassian shook his head, “You don’t know that.”

I smiled at him, “Have you encountered anyone else in this world like me?”

He eyes softened and I regretted my choice of words, “I’ve never met anyone like you Rose.”

 

Clearing my throat, I looked away pointedly and downed the amber liquid. It burned my throat but I welcomed the pain. If it would dull my senses then at least it would give me well deserved pain. I filled my cup again, and this time Azriel raised his eyebrow.

I looked at him, daring him, as I poured to the glass’s brim. Raising the cup quickly, I took a sip, none of the alcohol spilled.

 

“What about the Spring Court?”

Rhys exhaled and rubbed at his face. In that instant, he looked as though he hadn’t slept in weeks. He hadn’t. “Tamlin definitely isn’t warmed up to me.” A derisive scoff. “But he won’t do anything. I helped save Feyre. We’re even.” Rhys tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling as he said, “He won’t do anything as long as I don’t call in Feyre’s bargain with me. And I won’t.”

I quirked my eyebrow and braced my elbows on the table, “You won’t?”

Rhys looked at me, communicating to me through a look to not push it. Like I would listen. “Why won’t you call it in? Bring her here.”

“Velaris is a secret, in case you forgot.” he snapped back.

“Rhysand.” Cassian warned. Rhys’s voice was growing cold. But I still didn’t back down.

“Then bring her to your house in the Court of Nightmares. I told her we would—“

“Then you shouldn’t have told her anything.”

“You prick.” Rhys’s nostrils flared in anger and Cassian moved so that his body was in the middle of us. So if Rhys attacked, Cassian would take the brunt of it.

“As the Night Court’s Emissary to the other Courts of Prythian, you’re more than welcome to visit her _there_ if you like.”

My breath caught in my throat. Cassian whipped his head to Rhysand. Even Azriel looked surprised.

“Night Court’s Emissary?” I whispered.

Rhys’s face softened a fraction. “The position’s yours if you want it.”

I shook my head, smiling softly. “I don’t know what to say… Thank you.” The smile grew into a grin. “I would _love_ to, Rhys. Thank you.”

“You already have a great rapport with almost all of the other Court’s anyway and they like you, somewhat.” He shrugged, “Well at least more than any of us. You’re perfect for it.”

 

I grinned at him, “Thanks Rhysand. Really.” He knew what it meant to me to have a job and be a member of the Night Court. I was hesitant of my position when I came back to the Night Court, what I would do. I didn’t have a job, a home, or anything to my name.

“All of my employees receive a salary and I started an account in your name. There’s already your salary in there.”

I shook my head in disbelief. Cassian was smiling, he was happy for me. Azriel was smiling softly too, and I felt a shadow caress my ankle. I turned to him and smiled at him too.

 

Emissary to the Night Court, I would get to travel and see the other courts, visit Feyre— I stopped smiling and looked at Rhys solemnly.

“It’s your bargain to call in or not. But I’ll visit her whenever I can and spend time with her.” It wasn’t in my place to tell him what to do with Feyre, his mate.

Rhys looked at Cassian and Azriel. They looked puzzled though I’m sure they guessed. “Feyre’s my mate.”

Cassian cursed and grinned broadly, as he reached across the table to clap Rhys on the shoulder. Azriel smiled at him softly and kindly. “Congratulations brother!”

Azriel nodded.

“She’s with Tamlin. She’s made her choice and it’s not in my place to interfere.” Cassian looked like he wanted to object, but kept his mouth shut when I cut him a sharp look.

 

 

We talked about the rest of the Courts and saved the worst for last.

“What’s our stance with Hewn City?” Azriel didn’t have to ask, I knew what he meant and Rhys did too. No doubt they had heard. I was Samson’s whore, just as Rhys was Amarantha’s. Cassian stared at me hard as I started trembling. For a second, I thought we would be able to leave this table without talking about it.

 

Gently, so gently that my heart cracked, Cassian placed a hand on top of my own trembling one. He held my hand and squeezed. After looking at it for a moment, I wrenched my hand free. I felt Cassian flinch beside me and go rigid with the rejection.

I grabbed the bottle of amber liquid, not bothering with a glass. I drank and drank, until the bottle returned to the table empty. Quirking an eyebrow, I looked at Rhys, “Is this watered down?”

Rhys’s mouth set into a grim line and he swayed— No, he didn’t sway. My vision was swaying side to side. There were two Rhys’s in front of me, swaying side to side. At least I knew the drink was finally doing what it was designed to do.

 

Rhys answered Azriel’s question. “Our relationship is as strained as it ever was, if not more.” Rhys looked at me once more. “What we do with them, with Samson. Rose, that’s your choice.” He would let me choose even if it strained his relationship with them.

Waving a hand, I cleared my throat. “Don’t let it affect our relationship with them.”

_Though I can’t promise no injury would befall Samson, Rhys._

He nodded grimly. He understood.

 

After finishing a few more questions that Azriel had, we all dispersed. By this time, I was drunk and ready to leave. When I stood up, my vision blurred and I felt the ground coming closer and closer to me.

 

Strong arms wrapped around me and I felt the warmth radiate around me sweeping into me. I melted the hard air barrier around me to let the warmth in unhindered. Leaning my head against that warmth, I felt myself slip into that familiar scent of amber, forest, and the earth. The smell that lulled me to sleep.

 


	19. Chapter 19: Intruding

I stood in the shop front, the river rushing by behind me, people walking and talking animatedly. For all the things in the world, this day was beautiful. But my entire focus was on the woman in front of me. She couldn’t see me, but I could see her clear as day.

 

Not much changed about her, but just the same, everything was different about her. Her once shoulder length hair was now mid back length, and her eyes crinkled as they used to when she smiled, but they were older, heavier. She was talking to a blue fairy with snow white hair as they exchanged something. There were a lot of people in that room and now would be my chance to go in unsuspected.

 

I looked up at the sky, squinting as the sun shone in my eyes. Wincing, I looked back down towards the shade below the surrounding trees to easy the sharp headache that was pulsing in my head. Last night had taken its toll on me and when I woke up in Cassian’s bed this morning, again, I was lunging for the pitcher of water on the bedside table. Thankfully, he was no where to be found. I made my quick escape and made my way through the city, unsure of where to go. And somehow, I ended up… here.

 

With a great sigh, I pushed the door open, a little bell ringing as the door swung open into the little room. I welcomed the smell of sweets, syrups, baked goods swarming me, and couldn’t help but smile a little. But then she looked at me, and the smiles on both of our faces were wiped instantly. My hands started sweating and felt clammy.

 

“Mira.” I took a step forward, but before I could say more, she ran around the counter and grasped me in her arms.

“Rosie!” She embraced me, tears soaking into my blouse as she sobbed and squeezed me tight. I don’t know when I started, but I was sobbing into her shoulder too, snot and tears mingling into her apron.

Mira pulled back and wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me to the little table next to the windows facing the river. “We’re closed for the morning! Come back in the afternoon.” There were groans and grumbling as people, who had no doubt been waiting for her pastries for a long time, filed out.

“Yeah, yeah. Grumble all you want, my Rosie is back so no luck for you guys.” She bustled behind them and closed the entrance door and locked it.

 

She turned to me with a toothy grin and motioned me to come back into her hug. At this point, tears were streaming down my face, unrestrained. My laugh and sob mingled to form a choking sound as I got out of my seat and hugged her.

“Come child, sit.” I sat back down as she poured us a mug of calming tea and sat down opposite me.

“How are you, Mira?” My voice was still thick from crying. When I first ‘arrived’ at Velaris, she been the one to show me kindness and help me build a home. I had given up the hope of ever seeing her again.

Her kind smile brought fresh tears to my eyes, and I wiped away at them with my sleeve. Mira extended a handkerchief for me to wipe my tears. With a trembling smile, I took it.

“I’m okay Rosie. I’ve just been waiting for when you’d come back.” She smiled at me with pride. I was surprised, of all things, I wasn’t expecting this.

 

I opened my mouth, and closed it again. Before coming in, I had prepared everything I was going to say but sitting here, right now, nothing seemed right.

“I kept the loft upstairs just how you had it. The plants are doing well there and on the rooftop. And they’re both yours just as they were before.”

“Thank you, Mira.” It didn’t seem enough. There wasn’t anything I could say to express how thankful I was. I didn’t have a place to live, or a place to call my own. But I had a job working for the people I had fought for, and now I had a home. It took me a few breaths to calm my heartbeat.

She clicked her tongue impatiently, “You don’t need thank me, not after everything you’ve done for us.”

I blinked, I wasn’t expecting her to be aware.

“I know, Rosie. Everyone knows. Cassian, Morrigan, the Spymaster, and the High Lord’s Second made sure everyone in this city understood the sacrifice you and the High Lord made, and the price you both paid.”

 

I shook my head, trying to form words. “I don’t want to…” I didn’t know what I was going to say.

Mira grasped my hand in hers, and looked at me so intently that I half wanted to flip this table through the window and run away. But that same gaze held such kindness and openness that I knew I’d be a monster if I didn’t face her.

“You have your home back and your job back, if you want it.” She squeezed my hand gently, “I’m so happy to have you back, child.”

Child. It was usually suchpatronizing term. Used to indicate that someone was sheltered and small. Normally, I’d incinerate anyone who called me ‘child’, but when Mira called me that, I wanted to curl up in her lap with a blanket and hot chocolate.

“I have a job, Mira.” She raised an eyebrow inquisitively. “I’m the Emissary to the Night Court.” It tasted strange in my mouth to say that. To know that my job and my life was to the Night Court. My heart and body had belonged to them a long time ago, but now my responsibilities did too.

 

Mira’s voice brought me back to the present. “Welcome home, Emissary.” I chuckled, and stood up. I had missed this bakery so much. Behind the counter, there was the apron that I used to wear everyday. I donned it on and grabbed the frosting pipe beside the cake on the tabletop. Everything felt so familiar and so right. Mira joined beside me, grabbed the other frosting pipe, and together we set work on piping midnight blue cake with sparkles and floral designs. For a split second, I forgot that I was a monster who had murdered many and made it out of a cesspit of despair.

 

“That’s an interesting tattoo you’ve got there.” Mira spoke up after we had been piping for a while in comfortable silence.

Nodding, I lifted my left arm, the tattoo peaking through the loose sleeves of my blouse, and inspected the tattoo. “It tells my story.”

“Oh?” I nodded. “It’ll be a story for the ages, I bet.” I smiled at her and went back to piping the cake.

 

For the rest of the day, Mira and I spent time talking and catching up with each other. The conversation scattered in between decorating the cake together. It felt like it had before, but so much was different. But in the late afternoon, when Mira opened the bakery back open for business, I made my way upstairs to my loft.

 

When I opened the door to my loft, I couldn’t bring myself to take a step in. The bed that was made with two pillows, though only one person slept on it before. The warm, quilted blanket draped over the bed, the wispy curtains swaying in the wind, even the potted plants lining the opening where a wall normally would be; all of it looked like it had belonged to someone else. Someone who had died long since. I couldn’t bring myself to take a step into the room because it felt like I was intruding into someone’s life. Bringing my darkness into the life of someone whose life was filled with hope and possibility.

 

“This is a nice bedroom.” Mor’s voice startled me out of my thoughts. I wasn’t used to feeling startled, since my powers let me know when someone’s approaching. But I was too deep in thought to notice her arrival.

“I didn’t let myself think that I’d ever come back here.” I said, quietly.

Mor laid a hand on my shoulder, but I couldn’t look at her. “You’re back, and we’re all glad for it.”

“I still can’t believe I got out. It’s just been a day and I feel like I have to pick up all the pieces of my old life.”

“Or you can build the life for yourself that you want.” We both knew that wasn’t entirely possible. I turned towards her, not bothering to respond regarding that.

“I’m going to go shopping for some new clothes. I have nothing here and I don’t think I can go another minute without showering.” More raised an eyebrow and smiled slyly. “Want to join?”

“Yes!” Mor groaned. “I have had no one to go shopping with and do any of that kind of stuff with.”

I smiled widely at my new shopping partner and led us both out of the building towards the Palace of Jewels and Threads.

 

Mor was talking as we walked. “…are all so boring. Amren just gets drawn into the jewelry stores like a firedrake and won’t leave until she buys the whole store.” I smiled, imagining the tiny Second terrorizing the store owners until she got all the jewelry she wanted. “Ugh, absolutely no one to go with.”

I smiled at her mockingly, “Not even Azriel or Cassian?”

She looked at me like I had grown two heads. “Have you _seen_ what they dress like? Black pants, black tunics, black jackets, black black black. That’s all they ever wear.”

I chuckled, as she snorted derisively.

“What’s the point of even shopping at that point? All they ever want to do go check out the armory and blade smith.”

“Mor, let’s not pretend a sharp blade won’t catch your eye.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Oh? What is the point?” I couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped me and braced for the inevitable glare.

“The point is there’s no variety. They never want to experiment and try new things. Always jewelry, black clothes, and blades.” She threw her hands up in the air exasperated.

 

Though Mor and I went shopping for my depleted closet, four hours later, we both walked out of the Palace with bags and bags of clothes being delivered to our houses.I had bought some everyday clothing like black pants, and tunics for training. And I couldn’t resisting getting some of Night Court’s fashion wear. We had even stopped at an armory to get some fighting leathers and blades.

 

“Mor, want to grab dinner?”

She smiled widely, “I thought you’d never ask!” We both made our way to a quaint cafe near the Palace, situated atop a small hill. As my soup and vegetable rice were brought out, along with Mor’s food, a deep booming voice caught our attention.

“You’re eating and you didn’t even consider to invite us?” Cassian asked indignantly from behind me.

Twisting in my seat to face him, I smiled cheekily, “We thought you’d eat up all the food before we even got a bite in.” Cassian’s deep, warm laugh reverberated through me.

Mor chuckled as Rhys, Azriel, and Cassian sat down in the chairs the waiter had brought out to make room for them. “See what I mean?” I said, gesturing to Cassian’s plate. He had already grabbed the bowl of vegetable rice I ordered and piled it high on his plate.

Mor swatted his arm from his other side, “Leave some for her to eat, you hog.”

“See brother, I knew she was giving us the slip earlier when she said she was going to go to the library.”

Rhys grinned back at Cassian, “Just because you’re afraid of going into our library, doesn’t mean everyone is.”

Cassian responded to him with a vulgar gesture.

“The library?” I asked confused. “Afraid the books are going to come and get you?” I snorted. Cassian glared at me.

“Hah hah, funny.” His eyebrows scrunched together as though concentrating. “There’s a beast down there. And there’s nothing in this world that could force me to go back down there ever again.” He shuddered, face blanching.

Deciding not to push him on the subject, I grabbed the plate of vegetable rice out of his hands and piled some onto my own plate.

 

 

Ignoring the feeling of dejá vu, I ate my food slowly as I watched all of them eat and joke around the table. Amren hadn’t joined, and none of them were willing to question her decision to not join. The waiters had started to clear the table of our used plates and cutlery, and replace them with sweet dessert.

“Rose cake for Rose.” Mor chuckled, and I grinned back at her. I had missed Velaris’s food while I was Under the Mountain and I planned to enjoy it as much as I can, while I can.

 

Rhys became unusually quiet while we ate the dessert. Cassian, for all his intuition and ability to read people, braced his forearms on the table and waited for Rhys to say something.

“I hate to bring down the good time we’re having tonight.”

One night, I just needed one night. “Then don’t.”

Rhys looked at me apologetically. “I wish I could, but we have to address this.”

Unable to eat further than the two bites of the rose cake I had taken, I set down my spoon and leaned back in the chair. I noticed Cassian’s shoulder twitch towards me.

“What is it, Rhysand?’ Mor’s voice was gentle but firm.

“I don’t want to put it off for too long, lest they get too comfortable.” He looked at each of us in the eyes, and finally rested his attention on me. “We have to go to Hewn City to remind them that we’re still here, they still answer to us, and to not get too comfortable.”

I clenched my jaw, and turned my head away from him. We had just gotten out, I didn’t want to go back in. I couldn’t face him.

“I wouldn’t force you…”

I laughed derisively, “I don’t need or want your pity.”

“It’s not pity.”

“Then whatever it is.” I resisted the urge to fidget in my seat. “When do we go?”

“In about three day’s time.”

I nodded. “I’ll be ready.”

Everyone was quiet and Azriel’s firm voice carried in the silence. “I’ll prepare for the trip and send some scouts ahead.”

 

 _I understand if you don’t want to go. None of us would think any less of you._ I shook my head a small fraction and I knew everyone at the table was aware of our silent conversation. I didn’t miss Cassian moving closer to me.

_It’s not about what any of you would think. It’s about whether I could live with myself if I shied away from those mongrels._

Rhys snorted derisively. _I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever called them._

 

We pushed the trip to Hewn City to the back of our minds and continued eat dessert and talking. It didn’t feel like we were avoiding talking about it. It felt we all understood that it was something that had to be done but that didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy our time together. I couldn’t bring myself to eat another bite of that cake, though.

 

Mor stood up, stretched her arms above her head, groaning slightly. “I don’t about all of you, but I am ready to dance my feet off at Rita’s.”

Cassian groaned whiningly and Azriel chuckled slightly.

I shook my head, “I’m beat for tonight, I guess I’ll head back… home.” I said my goodbyes and headed in the direction of my loft, as Azriel, Mor, Rhys, and Cassian headed towards Rita’s. 

 

Within a few seconds, a large, warm body walked alongside me. I didn’t need to turn to know it was Cassian.

“You’re not going dancing at Rita’s with the others?”

“Mor would literally make us dance our legs off if we gave her the chance.” I laughed knowingly. Mor loved dancing and I knew she frequented Rita’s enough to know it was a favorite of hers. Knowing those two tidbits of information, it wasn’t hard to imagine the truth in what Cassian said.

 

We walked in comfortable silence towards my loft. When we arrived, I unlocked the door on the side of the building leading up the loft, separate from the bakery entrance.

I turned towards Cassian, “Want to join?” It was an invitation to spend time together, to share some comfort in each other’s presence. We made our way up to the rooftop and stood facing the city. We stood as we once had before, arms braced on the ledge, next to each other, facing the vibrant city.

Cassian looked at me inquisitively when I started chuckling.

“I’m just remembering the first night when you dropped me off on the roof, stranded.”

Cassian joined with a hearty laugh. “I didn’t think for one short minute that you’d be stranded here, helpless.”

“You liar! That’s what you were intending!” I shoved him playfully. “You’re just trying to save face.”

“Alright, you got me! I wanted to make you suffer a little.” I raised my eyebrow at him. “Okay, okay. More than just a little!”

I looked back out towards the city, “It feels like a lifetime ago. It _was_ a lifetime ago.”

Cassian’s throat bobbled and next to me, his fists clenched tight.

I nudged him lightly. “What’s on your mind?”

He shook his head, his jaw clenched tight. “I know something’s bothering you. I just didn’t know you’d stew in it and not do anything about it.”

Cassian whipped towards, nostrils flared, and eyes wide with rage and— “Not do anything about it? What do you know about not doing anything?”

“Cass—“

“No!” He swiped his arm to push away my outstretched arm. “I sat on my ass here for fifty, _fifty_ , fucking years. You and Rhys made that decision.”

His wings flared behind him in anger. “You both made that decision for us and left us here.” I couldn’t look away from him, I couldn’t look away from the devastation raging on his face. “You want to know what you don’t know, Rose? You _don’t_ _know_ how hard it was to just sit here knowing my _brother_ and you were Under the Mountain. You _don’t_ _know_ what it was like each time Azriel got a report from his spies about what was happening on the outside. You definitely _don’t know_ what it’s like to sit around helplessly while your family was sacrificing themselves, knee deep in shit. But then again, you _don’t know_ what it’s like to have family, do you?”

 

Time froze and I couldn’t move, I couldn’t feel my arms. My mouth hung open, slack from shock, and my arms were limp at my side. I felt like I had been slapped and I had deserved every word he said to me. Everything inside me deflated and I didn’t have it in me to say anything. I dropped my gaze to the floor, how could I look at him? Everything he said was true. Nodding slowly, I turned around and made my way down to my loft.

 

I was afraid earlier of interrupting that hopeful girl’s life, but I realized now that I was still that girl. The girl who has no family and still doesn’t know who she is.


	20. Chapter 20: Armor

For the next two days, I avoided everyone like I had been contaminated by a contagious sickness. It wasn’t that I was upset with Cassian and what he said, as much as it was that the truth stung. Under the Mountain I had forgotten, but I still had no idea what my past was. All of that still remained a mystery, and there never seemed to be a good time to address the gap in my life. It felt like a lifetime ago, but I remembered Rhys telling me there was a wall in the back of my mind. A wall that was supposedly holding back whatever memories I had before showing up in Velaris. Since I had gotten more experience as a Daemati, I understood what he meant.

 

After I retreated to my loft and took a much needed bath, I laid in bed and worked up the courage to explore that wall. It never came. I still remembered how it much it hurt when Rhys tried to push through the wall. With everything I had faced, I didn’t have it in me to face this too. Giving up for the night, I laid under the covers and tried to go to sleep. It was fitful, but eventually sleep found me.

 

When I awoke that morning, I couldn’t help but lay in bed and stay content to watch the city bustle below my loft. Cassian’s words were still raw in my mind and I could feel the dread creeping its way through my body at the prospect of interacting with any one of Rhys’s inner circle. It wasn’t any of their fault that Cassian said those things. Besides, I wouldn’t understand right? I had no family. But knowing that Cassian, and possibly others, felt that I had hurt and wronged them, sent a heavy weight of despair into the pit of my stomach. So I sufficed to lay in bed and watch the city. 

 

A small, but firm, knock on my door echoed through my bare loft. I knew it was Mira, knew it as she was walking up the stairs. Without getting up from the bed, I opened the door and gave her a small smile. A smile that said ‘Hi, Mira. Good morning.’ but also said, ‘Please don’t make me deal with anything today.’ I hoped she would understand.

 

She leaned against the door frame, crossing her arms across her chest. “I don’t know what happened, but I’ve got Cassian in the front room asking me if I’ve seen you today.” She gave me a pointed look, “Have I seen you today?”

I shook my head, “You didn’t see me today, Mira. This apartment is empty.”

Mira sighed, and made her way back down to the bakery’s front room. I followed her vibrations through the ground and listened to the what she said, her words rippling through the air as though she were in the same room as me.

 

“I’m sorry, Cassian. She’s not in her room. I’ll let her know you came by if I do see her.”

I could feel Cassian’s nod, “Please let her know when she comes down from her loft that I would like to apologize to her.” That prick, he knew!

Moments later, Mira’s head popped back into my doorway. “Cassian said—“

“I heard.” She didn’t ask how I heard.

“Now, I’ve got a room full of customers downstairs but I can tell them to come back later. I’m here if you want to talk. I have a daughter, I know a brooding face when I see one.”

I was surprised. In all the time that I knew Mira, which admittedly wasn’t that much, I didn’t know she had a daughter. She saw the surprise in my face but waved it off.

“Mira, if you close your restaurant two days in a row, this whole city will desolve into riots and I cannot have that on my head.” I smiled at her cheekily. Mira chuckled back and nodded to me before heading back down.

 

I thought about how Cassian had come to apologize to me. I didn’t want his apology, nor did I need it. Under the Mountain left its scars on me, but it would be naive of me to assume it hadn’t left other kinds of scars on the people that remained here. I understand we were all trying to heal in our own way, so I can’t blame Cassian for going through whatever he was going through. But at the same time, I didn’t disagree with what he said to me. I had no family, I wouldn’t understand. Towards the end of our time there, Rhys and I thought of each other as family. But that didn’t mean his family considered me part of theirs.

 

Wiping away the tears that ran down my cheeks, I resolved not to spend my day in bed wallowing. Rushing out of bed before I could think on it anymore, I dressed in soft, black pants, a red sweater, and black boots that came up to my knees. The weather was quite unpredictable and I did not want to get caught unprepared. Not sure what my mission was, I headed out in the direction opposite of where I knew the Inner Circle lived.

 

I didn’t know how and I didn’t know what made me come here, but I found myself standing outside the gardens I used to work at. Rufoso wasn’t there but a young man who looked like he couldn’t have been older than me, was tending to some fruit trees in the back. He must’ve sensed me because before I could turn around and walk away, he started walking towards me.

“Can I help you? The garden’s closed right now but we open back up at dusk.”

“No, I— is Rufoso here?”

At the mention of Rufoso, his curiosity seemed to peak a bit more. “He’s not here right now but he’ll be here in about an hour. Who are you? I’m Elson.” I shook his hand and introduced myself. Recognition flitted across his face. Recognition, then excitement.

 

Jumping on the balls of his feet slightly and clapping his hands, Elson grinned at me. “Rufoso told me about you! Come on in, Rose! You’re welcome in this garden anytime.”

I looked at the garden beyond his shoulder and looked down at my feet, willing them to take a step towards that garden. This place had brought me so much happiness. But my body had a mind of its own, and it was not willing to let me go in.

Politely, I shook my head and smiled at Elson. “Thank you, but I’ve got somewhere to be right now. I just wanted to stop by and see if I can catch Rufoso. Please let him know I’ll come back to visit as soon as I can?” Elson eagerly nodded, and opened his mouth to respond. But I didn’t have the energy to continue this conversation. He was definitely more excited than I was and I could not match his eagerness. Without waiting for his response, I turned around and walked away.

 

The rest of the day was spent like this, walking around the city, exploring old and new locations, and making sure I stayed away from _their_ houses as much as I could. I didn’t try to connect with any of them today and they didn’t either. I had visited Mira at the bakery for tea time and she didn’t mention Cassian or anyone coming back in for me, so I assumed that was that. After our tea, Mira accompanied me to the Palace of Hoof and Leaf to get some vegetables. I had some big plans for tonight and wanted to be as prepared as I could.

“Big plans? That sounds exciting! What do you have planned, if you don’t mind me asking?” Mira asked.

Nonchalantly, I picked up some tomatoes and examined them to see if they were firm enough. “Oh it’s going to be a wild night Mira, I’m going to make vegetable stew and read this book I got in the bookstore down the street, Phrases.”

Mira stopped dead and stared at me incredulously. “ _That’s_ your big plans for tonight?”

“Oh yeah! Really exciting isn’t it? Enough to knock your hat right off your head.”

Mira shook her head, laughing at me. “You crazy, wild girl.” She commented sarcastically. Spending time with Mira helped. I didn’t entirely know why, we didn’t talk about Under the Mountain. I knew she’d be there for me and listen if I needed her to, but still spending time with her made me feel less alone.

“You know, Rose. Dryn would love to meet you whenever you can.”

“Your daughter?” I asked, surprised.

Mira looked at me sideways, “Yes, Dryn. She’s heard a lot about you and is excited to meet you. We want to invite you to dinner. It doesn’t have to be tonight, wouldn’t want to interrupt your ‘big plans’, but whenever you want.” She stopped walking along the market and gripped my arm, “Whenever you’re ready.”

Not trusting the lump in my throat, I simply nodded and continued on with my grocery shopping.

 

 

The next day was spent similar to the first day. Mira visited me in the morning to let me know Cassian had come by. Not wanting to assume anything, she came in to check on me and went back down to report to Cassian pretty much the same thing as yesterday.

“I’m sorry, Cassian. Missed her again, but I’ll—“

“Let her know I dropped by. Thanks, Mira.”

“Would you like a croissant? It’s on the house. For your troubles.” Without waiting for his response, Mira wrapped up the croissant and handed it to him. I knew it was petty, but I was bothered that she had given him a croissant. I loved them and I knew it was petty, but I didn’t want him to have any of her croissants.

 

After spending the morning lazily in bed, using my air affinity to fly a couple of baked goods to my room, and spending the early afternoon lazily in bed, Mira visited me once more.

“How many times am I going to have to tell Cassian that I didn’t see you and get a chance to convey my message?”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.” I said, innocently.

Mira rolled her eyes, and pointed at me with a sharp finger. “He came back, but I told him the same thing as I did this morning. I know it’s none of my business, but for your sake, deal with it. Don’t run away from it.”

Mumbling my complaints about what a busybody Mira was, I went back to the book I was reading.

 

I could not spend the entire day laying in bed, if only because I knew I would be going to Hewn City tomorrow and I needed my fighting leathers stitched. Utilizing the burst of motivation and energy, I gathered whatever I needed and headed to the tailor that Rhys recommended. When I walked into the craftsperson’s room, I was hit with the smell of fresh, unused cloth. Behind a stuffed body double, a small woman emerged. She was perhaps half my height and twice my width. Her eyes were enlarged with her glasses and her hair tucked into a bun that was ruffled and was sticking out in odd directions, the way it would be if she had been working for hours with no break.

 

“May I help you?”

“Hi, I was wondering if you would be able to fix these fighting leathers for me? Rhy— the High Lord sent me.”

“Ah,yes, yes. Come in, Rose. Rhys mentioned you would be coming in.” Of course he knew that I would be coming in. He knew everything.

I walked to where she was a bit apprehensively. This entire place was unfamiliar to me with all the tape measures, sewing machines, scraps of cloth strewn around everywhere, right down to the smell. Everything was new to me here.

Handing over my fighting leathers from Under the Mountain, I asked, “Can you fix these for me? The size should still fit me so I just need it patched up.”

Not bothering to hide her disgust, the lady crinkled her nose, waddled over on her short legs to the bin containing scraps of paper and cloth. Without a response, she threw my fighting leathers in to the bin. Jumping to where she was, I attempted to pull the leathers back out of the bin.

“What are you doing? I asked you to patch them up!” I did not have the patience to fight this woman for _my_ clothing.

She shook her head and grabbed my arm with a surprising amount of force. It took some work, but I restrained myself from shoving her off my arm.

“That is not what you are looking for.”

Taken aback, I looked at this woman as though she were slightly loose in the head. “That is exactly what I am looking for. I need you to mend them.”

She shook her head, stubbornly, never taking her beady eyes off my face. “You are looking for strength. For resilience, defiance. You are looking for something to declare to the world that you are a force to be reckoned with.”

I didn’t know how to respond. This tiny woman had taken me by complete surprise. I needed those fighting leathers, they were the armor I donned to face those monsters in Hewn City.

“You don’t need those scraps you call fighting leathers for that. I will make you the armor you seek. Come back at sundown, I’ll have it ready for you.” I didn’t want to ask how she knew I had come looking for armor. I opened my mouth to ask, but she beat me to it. “I don’t need your measurements. I can tell just by looking at you.”

Hesitant, but sure that Rhys wouldn’t send me to some crazy kook, I nodded as I turned to walk out the door. Pausing at the door, I turned back around, “Make it black.”

Without looking up from her working station, she responded, “In this, you will make the ground tremble with every step.”


	21. Chapter 21: Trembling Mountain

Since I’d been back in Velaris, it was hard for me to figure out how to behave. It was been hard for me to come back to who I used to be. The progress in how I felt was small but I noticed a difference in myself. And just like that, I had to place back the mask I wore Under the Mountain. After this trip to Hewn City, I didn’t know if I could take that mask off. I knew Rhys would help me and that I wouldn’t have to face it alone, but a part of me would die the moment I stepped inside Hewn City. Maybe this was how Mor felt? I didn’t let myself linger on that for long. I needed to focus on this trip.

 

The morning of the trip to Hewn City, I stood in front of the mirror in my loft and observed the woman staring back at me. This woman felt familiar, like the pain that hurts deep but over time there’s comfort in its familiarity. Yet, we were not quite the same person. The woman in mirror was someone who looked like me but that’s where the similarities ended. This woman staring back at me looked ruthless, cunning, bloodthirsty, and vengeful.

 

Straightening my back, strapping my weapons to my thighs and waist, I gave my reflection a final nod. Silently, I made my way up the stairs to the roof of the building. When I went to the rooftop, the view of the city had me pause for a moment. This city, this safe haven in this rotten world: this was what I would debase myself to protect. Reminding myself of this, I made a disk out of the water sitting in the pail by the ledge, and strapped myself on to that ice board. Rhys sent a note to my loft last night saying we were meeting at the House of Wind at ten in the morning sharp. Bracing myself for the day, I shifted the wind around my body so that I was flying in the direction of the mountain.

 

When I reached the House of Wind, I wasn’t particularly surprised to find that everyone had gotten there before me. I was a few minutes early, but it seemed every one had spent the night here and chosen to get ready here. Landing on the balcony, I melted the ice board and sent the droplets flying off the balcony in the wind. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone as I strode in. My focus entirely on the bottle of wine on the table and Rhys sitting by it, holding out a glass for me. Without a word, I took the glass from him and gulped the drink down. Only after a few sips of my second glass, did I look up and acknowledge the others. Mor and Cassian were watching me with their mouths slightly agape. I could see half chewed bread roll and some eggs in Cassian’s mouth and sent a look of mild disgust his way. Mor’s eyes were wide and empty mouth agape, her own expressions mirroring Cassian’s. Azriel and Amren were watching me with cool regard, though I noticed Azriel’s shadows swirl and dance in preparation and anticipation.

 

“What is _that_?” Mor gasped.

I raised an eyebrow, guarded but with cool indifference. “What is what?” I knew my voice was cold based on Cassian’s immediate reaction to my voice. He closed his mouth and tried to resist challenging himself against me. His fighting spirit won.

“You look like a demon raised out of hell.” I slowly turned my head towards him. I looked him up and down, taking my time and making sure I observed everything, tilted my head as though debating whether he was worth it.

I knew the flame in my golden brown eyes were burning when I said, “I’m a demon ready to bring hell.”

I turned back to Rhys, “When are we leaving?”

Rhys had been watching me the entire time. He knew what it meant for me to go to Hewn City, to wear this mask I had so eagerly taken off, once again. I knew it would be hard for him too, so I kept my attention on him.

“We leave now.” Rhys stood and stared hard at me.

 _Looks like you went to Lehar._ He remarked

_Who’s Lehar? The tailor lady? I didn’t catch her name._

_Don’t worry, she doesn’t care for names. She takes one look at you—_

I cut him off. _And knows exactly what you need._ I stood and waited as Cassian and Mor hurried to finish their food. Amren watched them with disgust. She wouldn’t be joining us, but she would be here when we were back for updates.

_Rhys, I can’t promise—_

_You don’t need to. I hate asking this of you, but I need the second that I trained and fought with Under the Mountain._

_And her, you shall have._

Our silent conversation was finished and we all stood in a circle, preparing to leave.

Rhys spoke up first, “Mor will meet us at the entrance of the mountain base.” Mor nodded in confirmation. “Azriel, Cassian, Rose, and I will winnow to the to the mountains and from there we will fly in.” He pointed at Cassian, Azriel, and me as he said this. When Rhys pointed at me, I noticed Cassian’s attention on me. The same attention he had on me since the moment I stepped onto that balcony.

“Alright, let’s go.” Cassian stood by me, waiting to fly with me, but I brushed past him and walked to the balcony where Rhys and Azriel already were.

“You’re not flying with Cassian?” Rhys asked, confused. I shook my head, ignoring Cassian’s presence besides me.

“I can fly on my own.” I said coldly.

Azriel shook his head before Rhys or Cassian could respond. “It’s not a reflection of your flying ability, but the terrain is notoriously difficult. It takes Illyrians decades of training before they’re skilled enough to fly in those winds and closed mountain ranges.”

I clenched my jaw, this was not going how I wanted it to. Rhys saw me consider the risk of flying on my regardless of Azriel’s warning. “It’s not worth the risk, Rose. Our main priority is visiting Hewn City and making sure the message gets across.”

“And what message would I be sending if I needed help flying in, Rhys?” I retorted back.

“Whatever the message, it won’t be as bad as the one you’ll be sending when you splat onto a mountain.” Cassian scoffed beside me.

Not deigning to respond to him, I locked eyes with Azriel. “Can I fly with you?”

Rhys and Cassian looked at me as though I had sprouted two extra heads and had asked each of them to join a singing duet with each of the them. Hesitantly, Azriel held out a scarred hand. Nodding my thanks, I placed my arms around his neck and braced myself for the drop after Rhys winnowed us.

 

Unsurprisingly, Azriel was silent during our flight to the mountain base. As he had said, when Rhys winnowed us, it took us a moment to balance ourselves against the harsh winds. Harsh was an understatement, these winds were strong enough to blow me away to another Universe.

“I understand what you meant about flying in these winds.” I said quietly.

Azriel nodded, “It took me longer than the others before I was able to fly here.” The question must’ve been clear on my face because he continued, “Flying didn’t come naturally to me. I learned it at a later age than most Illyrians.”

I looked at his hand that was wrapped around my shoulders, and I knew the scars had to be related to why he didn’t learn how to fly with the others. Azriel took notice of where I was looking.

“What you went through Under the Mountain, I know more than the others.” Because of his spies. “And what you did for us, what you became for us. I won’t ever judge you for that. I understand that you became what your family needed you to become.” That word again. I stopped myself from cringing.

“You won’t understand what I went through and I won’t understand what you went through, Azriel.” I looked at him unblinkingly. “We need to face it.”

“Respectfully Rose, I disagree.” I didn’t discuss this topic with him any further. Even if I had wanted to, I wouldn’t have the chance because we arrived.

 

Azriel set me down gently and I looked up at the giant doors in front of me. They were carved into the mountain and beside them, I was a tiny ant. But I could bring down these doors with half a thought if I wanted to, I reminded myself. I could bring down this entire gods damned mountain. I looked to Mor, and silently asked her if she could help fix my hair from the wind. After Mor fixed my hair, I turned back towards the door. Cassian was standing behind me and watching my every move. I knew his mind was on presenting himself at the Court of Nightmares and representing the might of the High Lord’s Armies, but I knew his attention was on me. Watching me, observing me, waiting for me. 

 

Putting all thoughts of Cassian out of my mind, I squared my shoulders and stood behind Mor. She would walk in first, followed by me, and once we took our places in the throne room, Rhys would make his grand entrance at the end with Cassian and Azriel. This was something they had planned and had orchestrated at each visit. When the gates opened, the two of us set off towards the throne room. I had never been in this city, but now was not the time to look around curiously. Now was the time to show these people who I was and what I can do.

 

With every step I took, smoke raised in my wake and embers lined my footsteps. I used my power to send a ripple from my footsteps into the mountain around us. They shook the ground and rumbled through the city around us. My entire black outfit was one piece. It wrapped me from my neck all the way down to my toes, the suit disappearing into the knee high combat boots. Strapped to my thigh was an obsidian blade so sharp and wicked, it glinted even in the darkness of the mountain. To my waist was a three feet blade and two small punches that were engraved into the belt. In one pouch was some dirt, should I ever get stuck somewhere without any, and in the other, some water. The arms of my suit were lined with hidden blades, one maneuver would have them loose and spiked outwards. There was no make up painting my face. I had intentionally left it bare, I wanted them to think that this was not a mask. This was who I was and I will face them as such. And my dark hair was let down in loose waves, its length brushing the small of my waist, swaying slightly with each step. Unrestrained and wild, as I was.

 

With every step I took, the mountain trembled.

 

When we reached the throne room, there was a dais in the front where there was an ornate throne with two monsters’ heads where Rhys’s shoulders would be, watching over him, fighting for him. In front of the dais was a large dining room of sorts. Rows and rows of tables were lined along the room, where most of the high members of the court and their courtesans sat. I took a split second to notice the post on either side of the dais. The post that I had taken beside Amarantha Under the Mountain. But here, I walked up the dais with Mor and stood on the right side of the throne, beside Mor.

“Your High Lord is on his way.” If I thought my voice was cold and cruel, it was nothing compared to Mor’s. I looked at her with pride and respect, making sure the members of the court saw me. She smiled a smile so wicked, I felt the shivers wrack through the court room. “He’s in a great mood today.”

 

The entire throne room went quiet. Quiet and dark. All the lanterns that were illuminating the room only moments ago, were now out cold. The tremble that I sent through the mountain were nothing compared to the thrumming beat the mountain spoke in response to Rhys’s footsteps. With every step of his, the mountain shook in response. It was the omen of what was to come. It was the beat of their High Lord. When Rhys entered the room, the darkness exploded to every corner of the room and sucked back into him. The lanterns once again illuminating the room. Mor and I stood proud and fierce waiting for Rhys to take his throne. I noticed as Cassian and Azriel took their spots on either side of the dais. The exact spots I had taken a moment to observe.

 

Cassian and Azriel wore their full Illyrian fighting armor and had the exact same look on their face as I had on my own. The cold unfeeling brutality, the promise of death. When Azriel said earlier that he understood what I needed to become for my people— I put the thought out of my mind and shook my head clear. I looked back out onto the court room as Rhys strode to his throne, tendrils of night and deadly power radiating from him. His steps were casual but there was promised brutality and power in each step. At last, he stood in the center of the dais and looked out onto the court. Beside me, Mor dropped to one knee onto a bow and I followed suit. I felt Cassian and Azriel follow suit, and then the entire room dropped to their knee in a bow.

 

Rhys looked at his court, assessing, calculating.

“It seems you have not forgotten your manners.” A wicked, feral grin. “I was hoping there’d be something for me to play with.” Something. Everyone here was a play thing to him. Expendable and replaceable. He walked to his throne and sat lightly, still watching us bow. We kneeled like that for almost twenty minutes before, “Rise.” A single command, spoken softly and without a care. Rhys dismissed everyone with a wave of his hand and everyone went back to their table where they sat before their food and pretended to have soft conversations. But their entire attention was on the man standing before the dais, waiting for permission to speak. 

 

A blond man, tall and bearing a striking resemblance to Mor, stood before Rhys with his head bowed waiting for permission to speak. He resembled Mor with their similar blond hair and the same eyes, brown and wide shaped. But their resemblance ended there. Mor’s eyes, usually warm and inviting, were entirely different from her father’s cold and cruel. Her father looked like a spitting image of— I didn’t let myself think of him. Not before I needed to.

 

“May I approach, milord?” his accent was familiar. When he spoke, I didn’t miss the hard look Cassian gave him. And I definitely did not miss the fear flitting through his face when he looked at Azriel, his heart skipping a beat.

Rhys waved a hand impatiently. “Report, Keir.”

“We are all adjusting to life back in our homes, milord. We are establishing our household back.”

Rhys grinned with wicked delight, “Tell me, Keir.”

Keir bowed his head, “Yes milord?”

“Are you so incompetent that you cannot manage your household here?”

Keir looked at him blandly. “No, milord.”

“Then why are you wasting time establishing your household? If you cannot do your job properly,” Rhys leaned forward with promise of brutality, “I can find someone else for the job.”

Keir’s face blanched slightly, and he bowed his head. “No milord, it is no problem. Everything will established back to how it was.”

Rhys leaned back, raised his eyebrow in skeptic satisfactory, and waved his hand for Keir to continue on.

I stopped paying attention as Keir listed off their finances and expense reports to Rhys. He was listing how much they had spent since establishing their foothold back in Hewn City, and how much they would need from Rhys. My attention was on the people in front of us, sitting and pretending to eat, dance, or socialize. And their attention was on us. Watching, waiting for any scraps of information they can use for their own gain. For anything to go wrong at a moment’s notice.

 

I stiffened when I looked to the far right corner of the throne room, at who stood there. I had not seen him since Under the Mountain. Samson. Just as I had noticed him, Samson smirked and strode over to us, leaving behind a woman in a dark grey gown who had been at his arm. He bowed to Rhys and stood next to his father. I knew Samson was Mor’s brother but standing here watching him stand in front of me, as much as I had tried, I was not prepared for this. But whatever I was going through, I would not let Rhys down. I knew Cassian noticed me stiffening, his entire focus was on me and I couldn’t bear it any longer.

 

Masking my face back to cold brutality, I shot a look of dismissive scorn to Cassian and I surveyed the room once more before turning my attention back to Keir and Samson.

“Milord, you remember Samson, my eldest son.”

Rhys barely spared him a glance as he said, “The boy from Under the Mountain?”

Keir stiffened as Samson scowled at the word ‘boy’.

“Is there a problem, boy?” Samson shook his head.

“No milord.”

“I am training him to take over the responsibilities of the household.”

Rhys cocked his head, “Are you planning on dying any time soon Keir?”

A muscle in Keir’s jaw jumped, “No, milord. I am teaching him the ways of the court.”

Rhys leaned forward and bared his teeth in what I supposed was to be a smile. “I can help teach him the ways of the court Keir. I’ve been itching for some fun.”

Keir remained silent while Samson stood silently, looking at the ground, bowing his head.

Rhys waved a hand, “Go play. I am done with you for now.”

 

Samson walked a few steps away from the dais and motioned for the woman in the grey dress to join him. With her head held down, she obeyed him and played her arms around his next to dance with him. There was music playing but it was not like the music at our home. The people here tried maintain a mask of civility but I knew what really crawled under their skin. Though he had been dancing with that woman, Samson had been staring at me the entire time. He was paying attention to the way I stood, he noticed the way Cassian watched me. Samson had been watching me, and looking at me in the exact places he knew he had left scars. As he looked at each and every one of those places, his hands groped that woman in those same spots. I didn’t let my mask of cold, cruel, bloodthirsty slip. But I watched as he abused that woman, watched as she danced with him and let him touch her in the ways that he had done me. What she enjoyed was her own damn business. But when they turned and I saw her face grimace and saw the remnants of a bruise creeping through her neckline, I snapped.

 

In the split second that I gave in to the boiling rage in my blood, I hadn’t bothered to ask, but I felt Rhys murmur his pleasure in my head. I strode down the steps of the dais, towards Samson. My blood was raging and I couldn’t hear anyone or anything. All I could see was Samson abusing yet another woman who did not deserve it. I could feel the fire smoking at my finger tips, feel the ash I left in the wake of each step I took towards them. A cloud of sparkling fire started at my feet and with each step, traveled up my body and to my finger tips. My power thrummed in response to my rage. Fire had always come naturally to me and I felt it burning me inside out.

 

When I reached Samson, he turned to me with a smirk on his face. But when he saw the look on my face, that smirk wiped off instantly. Without waiting for him, without even stopping a beat, I placed my hand on his chest, sending the fire at my fingertips down his chest, burning his clothes away. And continued walking. Nothing else in that entire room could grab my attention as I watched my fire spread from the top of Samson’s head, down his chest, burning his clothing away. Watched and continued walking. Every step I took forward, I pushed Samson back one. I looked into his eyes, unflinching, as the fire spread from his chest down his legs and to his feet, burning away every inch of clothing on his body. His eyes were wide with surprise and then fear as he looked into the never-ending fire burning in my own eyes. People moved out of the way quickly as I pushed Samson back with each step, never taking my hand off his chest, until finally we reached the edge of the room and Samson’s back hit the wall. Hit the wall and continued into the wall, until his entire body was absorbed and covered inside the mountain except for his face.

I stood close against the wall, as close as lovers, as I said to him, “Remember when you told me you wanted to nail me against a wall and fuck me till I bled?” I smirked with feral delight, “Ready when you are Samson.” Without another glance at him, I turned around and strode back to the dais to stand next to Rhys. Keir ran, screaming at me and tried to stop me, but to hell with him. I grabbed his shirt and used my power of air to send him flying twenty feet back. Unfazed and unamused, I walked back to the dais and took my place next to Rhys, taking note of the dips in the floor where I had stepped. With a wave of my right hand, I fixed them so the floor was no longer damaged.

 

I knew Cassian had heard what I said to Samson, I knew he had been aware of everything going on since the moment he laid eyes on me this morning. But I did not look at him, I did not look at Azriel or Mor. I looked at Rhys, waited for his nod of approval, and took my post back next to him, ever the subservient monster. Keir managed to pick himself back up and ran to the dais, fury rolling off him in waves.

“Release him, you bitch!” He screamed at me. From the far wall, Samson’s own screams mirrored Keir’s sentiments.

Before I could respond, Rhys murmured amusedly, “Manners, Keir.” Keir looked at him incredulously. I could see Mor watching everything with rapt attention. She had no love for these people, but I didn’t know how she felt about me maiming them.

“Milord, have her,” he spit at me, “release my son!”

“Tell me Keir, are you under some delusion that you are the High Lord?” Rhys’s voice was quiet, dangerous.

Keir snapped himself back together at the threat in Rhys’s voice. “No milord. I request that you please release my son.”

Rhys stood and prowled to Keir slowly, calmly. “Let this be a lesson Keir, when someone disrespects my court, it is a personal offense to me.” At the proximity of Rhys, Keir trembled in fear. “Perhaps, if I am feeling up for it, I will allow his release. But later.” He waved his hand dismissively, “Don’t waste my time anymore Keir.”

As Rhys strode back to his throne, I smiled cruelly at Keir and watched as Samson screamed in pain and frustration.

 

 

Several hours later, Samson had grown tired and stopped screaming. But I still watched him, stuck in that mountain with only his face visible. Cassian had been watching me the entire time and I knew he’d try to talk to me later. I paid him no attention. In fact, I didn’t pay any attention to any of them. Finally, Rhys stood and indicated that we would be leaving now. As we moved to walk down the dais, Keir reappeared besides Rhys.

“Will you allow Samson’s release now, milord?” His voice was timid. Listening to his son scream bloody murder had shook him somewhat. Maybe the bastard realized how fallible he and his household was.

Rhys stared at him hard, not responding for a few heartbeats. Then with a lazy smile, he motioned for me to release Samson.

 

I walked in the direction of where Samson was stuck in the wall, and picked up an unused butter knife on one of the dining tables. Walking back towards Keir, I gave him a dazzling smile, dripping with cruel amusement, and handed him the knife.

“You can carve him out at your own leisure.”

“What?” Keir said through his teeth.

“I had the mountain wall infused into his skin. So the only way you can take him out of there is if I pull him out and separate his skin and the mountain, which I most definitely will not be doing.” Again that smile. With each word, Keir’s face became more and more red as though it would implode. I could only hope. Beside me, Mor was smirking with delight. “Or if you chip away at that mountain until he is entirely released from the mountain.”

I turned to walk towards Rhys, and turned back around with a last minute thought, “Oh yes, I forgot to mention. The only way to ever truly get the mountain off his skin, is to peel it off.”

 

Rhys dismissed his court and Mor, Cassian, Azriel and I headed out of Hewn City. Outside the mountain gates, everyone stood silently for a moment. We were supposed to fly back to Velaris as we had arrived, and Cassian took a step towards me. Before he could say anything, before anyone could say _anything_ , I clenched Mor’s hand, “Please take me back.” Mor gave me a single nod and we disappeared.

 

We arrived in the House of Wind and without another word to Mor or Amren, who had been waiting for our arrival, I left.


	22. Chapter 22: It was Worth It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been busy with starting my new job, so I haven't had a chance to write and post more chapters. My writing might be a bit choppy as I get back into the groove of it. But I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

I didn’t know how long I sat by the edge of the cliff, watching the city below me, but I did note that the sun had been setting when I arrived. Now, it was a dark cloak over the city and Velaris was glowing. I thought that after Hewn City, I would be burning uncontrollably, an inferno. But as I sat there and looked out at the city that was my home, I felt calm. I felt no remorse for what I had done to Samson. I was unapologetic for the monster that I was.

 

Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel joined Mor and Amren at the House of Wind shortly after we arrived but I couldn’t face them. We were supposed to have dinner together while we debriefed Amren and planned our next steps. But after what I had done to Samson, after they had seen that side of me, the side that Cassian had seen… I couldn’t just sit there and and face their judgement. It wasn’t that they knew what Samson had done to me, but that they saw me lose control. They saw what I was and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

 

I didn’t need to turn around to know Cassian was behind me. I could feel his footsteps arriving. He opened his mouth to say something, as he moved to my side. But before he could, I spoke up.

“You’re wrong.”

Cassian closed his mouth and looked down at me over his right shoulder, his eyes hard, “I know.”

“I was forced to torture and kill, some innocent, some deserving. I was beaten until I was at the steps to the afterlife. I was raped, whipped, brutalized, passed around as a prize for pleasing Amarantha. I don’t know if I’ll ever heal from that. If I’ll ever be someone that is capable of happiness. But it was all worth it.” I finally turned and looked up into his eyes, my own eyes ablaze with determination.

“Every second I endured Under the Mountain, everything I had become was worth it if it meant Velaris was safe. If it meant none of you would ever be subjected to it.”

Cassian didn’t respond. His face hardened, softened a fraction, and then hardened again. His fists were clenched so tight, his knuckles turned ghost pale. I could feel the heat radiating from him. That infamous roiling rage.

 

“I know it wasn’t fair that we locked you in here and went there by ourselves, but I would make that decision again and again. And I would face Amarantha, Samson, and all those other sycophants again if it meant Mor, Azriel, Amren were safe and would live.”

His eyes softened at the mention of his family. He didn’t note that his name hadn’t been included. He didn’t have that much regard for himself.

“Most of all,” I continued, after skipping a beat, “if it meant you were safe and had a chance at happiness. And if I died,” I raised my chin and met his intense gaze with my own promise, “then I could not think of a better reason to die than for protecting those I love and care about.”

I stood and stared at him, waiting for everything I just said to sink in.

 

Cassian opened his mouth to respond and if it were possible, his eyes widened even more. He twitched his arm as though he was about reach out to me, but thought better of it. I wasn’t sure how long we stared at each other, but I refused to back down. I laid myself bare in front of him and I would not apologize for it. Cassian nodded, slowly, his eyes still wide like a wolf caught by surprise.

“I’m sorry for what I said to you that night, Rose.”

“I know you are.”

“You are a part of my family.” My throat tightened. I couldn’t respond. Cassian took a step closer, our toes almost touching. “You are more than my family.”

My throat clenched and breathing became a bit hard. I knew my eyes were watering but I refused to look away or take a step back. Slowly, Cassian’s intense gaze loosened into a small smile. A small smile that shifted into a wide grin, revealing his sharp, white teeth.

He indicated to the city below us with his chin, “Let’s get dinner, Rose.” 

I nodded, still staring up at him. Cassian stepped around me and stood facing the city. I closed my eyes and took a moment to catch my breath.

“Rose.”

I turned around to find Cassian grinning at me with his arm extended towards me. I looked at his outstretched hand. Deciding that I wanted this. I would work towards happiness rather than living complacently in despair, I grinned, grabbed his hand and leapt off the cliff with him. Cassian spread his onyx wings behind us, lifting us higher in the air, gliding over the city. Using my right arm, I placed a board of dirt underneath my legs and flew beside him.

When he noticed my board, Cassian gave me a mocking grin, “Can you keep up?”

With a laugh, I let go of his hand and sped off ahead of him. I could hear his deep laugh echoing behind me and feel the beat of his wings propelling him faster.

 

Two days had passed since that night. Since then, I had been more open with the others. Sometimes, most of the times, I was feigning happiness and laughter. But every once in a while, I caught myself letting the weight that threatened to pull me under, go just a bit. I don’t know if it was a form of resignation, but the way I saw it, I had to live with the effects of Under the Mountain and take it day by day. I would talk to them about what I had gone through when I was ready. And that day wouldn’t come if I holed myself up and shunned everyone.

 

Since that night, I felt closer to Cassian. We didn't acknowledge the intimacy we felt for each other, I wasn't ready for that. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be. But he was the only one to know when I put on a mask and when I was weighed down. And he would give me space, distraction, laughter, whatever it was that I needed in that moment. Whether I knew it or not. I noted how perceptive he was with a hint of warmth to Rhys once, only to have him raise an eyebrow and smirk wickedly. Without another word, I hurried away from him and never spoke up about Cassian after that.

 

On certain days, my thoughts drifted to Feyre. Feyre wasn’t alone. She had Tamlin, Lucien, and Alis. But I had seen how lonely she had been. How Tamlin had sat by the sidelines while she drudged through hell for him and his people. I wrote a letter to Feyre but held off on sending it to her. It wasn’t much, but I had just wanted to test the waters and see if she was interested in spending time together. We usually had breakfast at Rhys’ townhouse or House of Wind depending on the day and mood. Today, we were gathered at the townhouse, waiting for Nuala and Cerridwen to finish preparing breakfast. I planned to bring this up with Rhys. He had been moody and distant with everyone. Though none of us outright asked him, we knew Feyre was the cause.

 

When I arrived at Rhys’ home, Amren was lounging in a single sofa chair, curled up like a cat, quietly watching the others with stormy eyes. Cassian and Mor were arguing, which wasn’t unusual. Azriel was off to the side, his shadows dancing around him while he rubbed his temple. I couldn’t help the grin that sprung on my face when I saw them. I knew the three of them had an intricate relationship that I didn’t fully understand, but moments like this, filled me gratitude.

“Does anyone know where Rhys is?” I asked, as I walked up to Azriel.

He looked up, his shadows lapped at my hand affectionately and withdrew back.

“He went to Hewn City, he’ll meet us here in a few minutes.” I smiled at him, as he flicked his head towards Cass and Mor, “though I wish he’d hurry up, I don’t know how long I could take standing around them.”

I laughed as I walked into the kitchens, not paying attention to their bickering. Nuala and Cerridwen nodded their hellos to me as I walked in. I folded the sleeves of my red jumper to my elbows and tied my hair back. I learned from experience, that cooking with the twins was a form of battle on its own. Grabbing an apron and tying it around my waist over my black jeans, I asked Nuala where she needed help.

She shot me a dark, friendly look. “Go sit with the others, we’ll finish up and bring it out to you.”

“Please, for my sake, give me work to do here. There’s a storm brewing out there and I would very much like to be far away from the mess when Cass and Mor finally go for each others’ throats.”

Cerridwen chuckled as she handed over a large mixing bowl and some flour. “We’re making honey bread. Do you know the recipe?”

I nodded and set myself for work.

 

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. Nuala, Cerridwen, and I had swiftly worked on pastry after pastry, making sure everything was baked and cooked to perfection. My brows furrowed in concentration, I had been mixing the batter for miniature chocolate cakes when a soft, low voice piped up from across the kitchen.

“I wasn’t aware that I hired another chef. Should I add those wages to your current salary?”

I looked up to see Rhys smirking, shoulder leaning against the doorframe, one leg crossed over the other.

“If you really want to, I wouldn’t deny the request, Rhys.” I smiled, taking off my apron and passing the prepared batter to Nuala to finish off. “Though I can’t promise my work would be as reliable and consistent.”

“I’ll be sure to use that exact phrase if you ever need a reference from me.”

“Hah!” I punched his shoulder playfully, “You’re a funny one, aren’t ya?”

We both walked out to the living room and the others had been waiting around the breakfast table, not so patiently. I saw down next to Azriel, across Cass and Rhys took his spot between Amren and Mor.

“Oi! How long’s the food going to take?” Cassian grumbled at me. “You trying to starve us out?”

Mor clutched at her stomach. “Don’t listen to him, he’s a pathetic one.” She looked at me with wide hopeful eyes, “Please say it’ll be out soon though?”

I laughed, and told them, it should be out in a minute.

 

As Nuala and Cerrdiwen placed the food on the table, we all lunged in, fighting to get as much food onto our plate before a certain hulking Illyrian warrior brute stole it all. Well, all of us except Amren who preferred to drink the goblet of blood Cerridwen placed in front of her, and proper-mannered Azriel who patiently waited until the plates were clear of fighting hands. As Azriel served himself, Rhys looked at me as he chewed.

“Rose, Azriel mentioned you were looking for me earlier?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. I wasn’t hoping to ask him what I wanted now, in front of the others. Especially before any of us had our bellies full with food.

“We can talk about it after we’ve had food, it’s not urgent.” Rhys’ eyebrow quirked in response.

 

After we finished breakfast, Mor suggested we go for a walk around the city. Today was one of those rare days when all of us weren’t bogged down with imminent work. Mor and Amren led us in the front down the street towards the bustling markets. Cassian and Azriel followed talking about a new weapon they had been eyeing to add into their never-ending collection. Trailing behind, Rhys and I followed.

“You want to tell me now?” He asked softly, but firmly.

“Have you talked to Feyre recently?” I asked cutting straight to the point. Beside me, I felt Rhys go rigid and close up.

_Please don’t do that._

He shook his head in a curt ‘No’.

I took out the letter from jacket and held it out to him. “I wrote her a letter.”

Rhys looked at it as though if he touched it, the flesh on his hand would melt off.

His cold eyes found mine, “What do you want me to do about it?”

I didn’t let his behavior faze me. “I want to give the letter to her.”

“They’ll read it before she gets it. You can’t put anything private in there.”

I stopped to place my hands on my hips and cocked my head to the side. “Do you think I’m daft?”

Continuing walking, I said softly, “I know they’ll read it. It’s just an invitation to see if she needs a friend. Someone she can talk to about everything.” His eyes softened and I knew he’d understand. “I have all of you guys and I’m so grateful, but she doesn’t have that support. Frankly, I don’t know what kind of support she has. If Tamlin’s how he was Under the Mountain, then he’s a useless hunk of moldy cheese.”

Ahead of us, I saw and heard Cass guffaw really loudly and Azriel’s shoulders shake silently. I knew they were listening in, but their laughter confirmed it. I ignored them and turned back to Rhys, “Can I send her this letter?”

“Why’re you asking me, Rose? You don’t need my permission.” His voice was strained.

_You know why I’m asking, Rhys._

I didn’t want to say it out loud, but we both knew. As I passed the letter to Azriel with his promise to deliver it to Feyre, Rhys didn’t bother responding to me. But his mood perked up a bit for the rest of the day.


End file.
